well, I hope that all my timezone friends here had a good weekend!

I wanted to ask you all to check in on my thread http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...ID=#Post2746165
And give any input you might have.

The SH appointment has been postponed a week.
WH has not moved back out. I'm not sure if that is good or bad.

LT at least you can plan A in a concentrated way with him at home. If you can stand the chaos and hurt that is...

hanging in there with Plan A. B-day party for WH last night... Daughters are gone on school field trips, so R talk planned for tonight.

Did you guys see pepperband's excellent post on the carrot and stick of Plan A?

I saw that post by Pep. It was so great I saved it in Word on my hard drive.

Alph.

Hi Bob,

Just back from my little break and was trailing through the site when I found your note to me from earlier on in the month.

Thank you for taking the time to send those kind words - it's all the little things that people do that make the big differences to how we feel, and keep us from feeling lonely.

I'm not too good at getting around this site, so my apologies to you for not thanking you sooner Bob,

Hope

SF - we need more former waywards on these forums. I find a special comfort - encouragement - when I get a note from a FW. It gives me hope to see that the FWs can really come back, and i believe it will help one day with my WW to see that FWs are active here. Hope is all i have got right now. Thanks for spending time here. I appreciate you greatly.

FAR

FAR some of my best counsellors and comforters were (and remain) FWS.

But it must be horrible for them to rake over scars on these boards once their M is miraculously recovered.

To be constantly asked to describe behaviours and thoughts you had during the most shameful and regrettable time of your life must be very hard, especially as most recovered FWS bear almost no resemblance to the people they became during their affair.

most just want to enjoy the unexpected blessing of their rcovered marriages. And who can blame them.

But I agree FWS offer comfort.

When I first arrived her, two WONDERFUL FWS ladies took me under their wings: KYellow and KiwiJ. Their assurances were like mothers' kisss upon my brow and their advice was flawless.

Nowadays both are working on the blessing of well recovering marriages.

There are still FWS who persevere for new FBS however, Suzet is indefatigable, Chorus , Smur and Chackler are all generous in their help too.

Post your questions non judgmentally and I feel sure you will get an answer <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

FOlks I was drive to Hursley near the south cost yesterday and today I am going to Edinburgh ! So much travel this week arrgh !

I am meeting an old friend for a beer later tonight so that will be good. And its always nice for Squid to miss me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What you folks doing ?

What am I doing today?
Well I just finished up a BIG project in my office here at home and got to write a BIG bill! ...well, big for me, anyway, I'm a one-woman show.

Ha! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> in more ways than one as WH has discovered!

After going for a run, it's kitchen duty for me today. It's Prince Charming's birthday and I've invited him for a romantic dinner for two. We'll have sushi to start, then ravioli stuffed with smoked trout in a basil-orange-safron sauce, then gingered creme brulee with mango compote.

Why am I doing this?

Why am I doing this?

Because to your great credit your WHs actions have not removed your decency nor all your love for him.

You are NOT allowing his hurt to become a communicable disease.

As long as it doesn't hurt you, doing such human things is very healthy for YOUR soul IMO.

Sounds lovely! I hope you have a great time tonight!

Alph.

That trip to the Alps sounds even more appealing - she cooks gourmet Alph - get in there! TT

*Dreams of gourmet food in an Alpine setting and drools like Homer Simpson* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />


Alph.

Well the rain & the thunderstorms finally hit Belgium! We had no phone today at the Brussels' office, it seems the cables good flooded somewhere!

LT, I hope your H and yourself enjoyed the dinner. If not, tell him you'll have plenty of MB'ers who are willing to take his place at your dinner table <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As for myself, I'm currently looking for a correct word to describe my STBX's behavior. One week after I told him I didn't want to stay in the M, he started dating other women. He has a "girlfriend" now who's 12 years older than he is. He thinks she's too old for him, she thinks he's too young for her, but they'll "do" for now because both of them don't like being alone. I know she'll be here taking my place as soon as I move out.

H still doesn't understand why I won't take him back. He will be good from now on.. promises (again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />) not give to give in to any SA.. will drop this new girlfriend (and all the others he's dating and chatting with) if I decide to take him back.. now why oh why don't I want such a great guy? Who is so very friendly towards me?

What is this? Thick? Inconsiderate? Plain stupid? Self-centered?

It's like when someone robs you of all your money, leaving you to fend for yourself, and then tells you very friendly about all the nice things he's doing with YOUR money.
Argh. I want out of here.

BH, your boundaries are a credit to you. Your WH thinks he can charm and manipulate his way to ANYthing he wants.

Except your heart <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When are you moving out ? Shouldn't it be WH moving out as you have done nothing wrong ?

Hi BP !
I hope to move out in two-three weeks. My new house looked like a construction site up until last week, but the new ceilings are in place now - bathroom and kitchen and flooring still to be done. I'll be so glad to finally be able to do the finishing work like painting!

I'm moving out because I cannot afford our present house - it's as simple as that. But the location of my new house is MUCH better than the present one. It's right in the middle of Brussels and Antwerp, and I work in both cities - it'll save me lots of travelling time to live there <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As for my boundaries - they are simple. No fysical violence and no lies. H never hurt me physically, but plenty emotionally and I cannot live with a dishonest person. He promised all those things before - and broke his promises, sneaking away to P's again. And was chatting on dating sites a lot without me knowing it. It wasn't a breach of NC, as he never contacted OW again or was in love with her still or whatever. No no, he simply used her, and like he stated "it was getting old after a year" so NC was easy for him, almost a relief as OW was getting more clingy and demanding.

When I tell him that he shows no respect for women, he replies that Oh yes he does! He even asked those P's if they wouldnt mind having sex with him, as he would never force a woman to do that! What a wonderful guy.

Well I guess it's the sort of fog that might never clear. Like OW who said that "she didn't feel it was wrong because it felt so good". Yuck.

I'm going to play football with my dog now - she lying in the garden looking at me with those big brown eyes saying "please, please come out and play with me" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Have a nice weekend y'all !

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

I've been road training on a motorbike all week (7 hours a day!) and had my test yesterday in the pouring rain...and I PASSED. No-one was more surprised than me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

So....I've just taken my Harley out for the first time...boy was that different from the bike I'd been training on. What a feeling though to be riding with my husband....WoW!

ALPHIN....I just read on your thread you saying WH wants to be friends. I distinctly remember that when my husband told me no way on earth would he or could he be friends with me if we divorced it was a jolt of reality for me. I couldn't bear the thought of never being his friend again....that told me a lot. That led me on to thinking of growing old and I could only imagine growing old with hubby. We had always talked of what we'd do when the girls had left and we could retire (early preferably!).

So him saying he couldn't be friends with me was another turning point back towards him.


FAR...thank you for your post...you saying you only have hope reminds me of when my hubby used to say that to me. I didn't understand that at the time....how could he hope I'd mentally come back to him after what I'd done. Now I understand that was unconditional love and I'm blown away by it and very humbled.

I keep meeting people now who seem to give up very easily on their relationships. I point them to MB and tell them how wonderful things could be if they worked hard at it...they roll their eyes as if to say that's too much like hard work. Perhaps I was like that before, I don't know, but now working hard at our relationship is actually joyous. A real labour of love!

I need to say this to my WH. It will be hard. He already thinks I am being 'unfriendly' because of exposure, but is still showing some signs of unbelieveable fogginess regarding this.

MIL said to him last week that if he keeps up his affair, they (MIL and FIL) will never see us together again as a family down at their place (we've had many, many happy Christmases and birthdays there together).

WH said 'I'm sure it won't come to that'. HELLO? He thinks that I am going to bring myself and the girls down to his mother's place when he is staying there with OW??? I told MIL flat that if OW is staying there, I will never be there at the same time.

What planet is he on? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


Alph.

Dear Alphin,

fog is a very, very weird thing.
STBXWH insisted that I should keep (indefinitely) attending his family dinners because I'm the godmother of his brother's 3-year old son. I said ok, so then when you have a new girlfriend, we'll all go? Or she won't go or what?

Such are the words of people who refuse to accept the consequences of their actions. Who want to believe they are the "nice guys" and no-one could be hurt by their selfish actions.

If your H comes out of the fog he might kick his own a$$ for saying or thinking what he did. Or he might deny he ever did. That's how the human mind works.

Hi, brownhair.

I've heard that some FWS kick their own a$$, and some deny they ever said the things they did.

I note you say 'if' my H comes out of the fog. I am beginning to wonder 'if' he will ever emerge!

When he's here, I love him. When he's gone, and with OW, I don't. He knows how I feel about him - is he cake eating or what?

Grrr....

Alph.