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Cake eating, fence sitting.. I would say he is yes, if he's enjoying the company of his family (you included) AND of OW.
Do you have a time limit for plan A - before you go to plan B, that is ?
Edited to add...
My STBXWH is a nice person. He's friendly. He cares about me. Just not enough to be faithful, or to respect my feelings when they get in the way of his fun with other women. He wants to be single and married at the same time, enjoying the benefits of both.
Guess what? The cake he wanted to "have and eat" came at an extremely high price - it cost him my love. Because he doesn't want to change.
Last edited by brownhair; 07/03/05 12:44 PM.
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I do have a time limit - if I can stick to it. I'm plan A-ing until the Autumn.
WH is also a nice person, and friendly. He also cares about me (at least he said so when he left). He's just 'in love' with someone else now, and therefore everything between us is nothing. He has to be with her, even if it means his children cry, we don't have enough money, and his parents are embarrassed and baffled.
BTW - do you think you can be friends with your STBXWH when you divorce?
Alph.
Me, BS 37
Him, WXH (Noddy) 40
DD13, DD6
Married 14th August 1993
D/Day 2nd April 05
Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28
Divorce final 6th July '06.
Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx
...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
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Hello dear Alphin,
no, I don't think I can be friends with him, just like I can't be friends anymore with OW (who was my best friend). I wish H no harm. I'm making sure everything in our D will be fair and no tainted by any "revenge" feelings I might have. Some might think I'm being too reasonable, but I just want my fair share, just like I would want if we'd separate for other reasons.
But the lies and the selfish acts, and the complete stubborn refusal to change his behavior (which looks like SA) - the refusal to really consider my EN's etc. etc. leaves me with absolutely no desire for any further contact. I just want to get on with my life.
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This is how I feel. I can be civil with WH, and I even laugh and joke with him (could only do this when the girls were around at first, but now it's getting easier to do on our own, as well). If we divorce, there will be only the kids.
He told me when he left that there was nothing left between us but the kids. This was a lie, but if we divorce it will be true. Then I will talk to him about matters regarding the children, but nothing else.
Alph.
Me, BS 37
Him, WXH (Noddy) 40
DD13, DD6
Married 14th August 1993
D/Day 2nd April 05
Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28
Divorce final 6th July '06.
Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx
...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
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Dear Alphin,
I think a M can be restored, even when you feel like you are feeling now, if:
- WS returns home and promises NC (writes the letter and sticks to it)
- BS can wait for the remaining fog to clear and any withdrawl effects to end
- WS and BS work to meet each other's EN's
- WS and BS go into counseling.
I got NC easily, there was so "love-fog" to deal with. But H didn't bother to meet my EN's while I did all I could to meet his (to his 120% satisfaction). And when it became clear that he in fact has an SA, and keeps looking for the rush of meeting new women on the internet or going to P's, he didn't think it necessary to go into counseling because he would simply "not do it anymore".
So - no meeting of EN's and no counseling, and repeated cheating - that is a recipe for disaster and for D.
I hope that things will be different in your case. But I'm sure you can have a good life, no matter what happens, and that has to be your only goal - a good life for you and your children.
((((Alphin)))))
Brit from Belgium
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Hi Brownhair. As you know, in my sitch there is a lot of 'love-fog' to deal with. I do wonder if it will ever clear. My WH is actually a very faithful person (ironic as this may sound). I don't think he'd cheated on me before he 'fell in love' with OW, and he has convinced himself that leaving me, because he 'loved' her, was the only honourable thing to do. Of course, this is B$, but he has been 'faithful' to his new 'love'. He withdrew from me completely after he became involved with her, stopped even kissing and cuddling me, even before he told me about the A. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Unfortunately, 'soulmate' affairs are also a recipe for D. Add to that a OW with a very strong personality, who can more or less manipulate WH to her will... It's a long shot for us, and I know it. Alph.
Me, BS 37
Him, WXH (Noddy) 40
DD13, DD6
Married 14th August 1993
D/Day 2nd April 05
Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28
Divorce final 6th July '06.
Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx
...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
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Well, fellow near timezoners...
Its summer. PISSING down with rain, and no sign of a break in the clouds ! Welcome to England ! LOL !
Bit of a crap time in our house right now, matched by the weather. I've never worked out if the weather affects my moods or vice versa !
We'll be fine though. I'm blessed and I know it.
You folks having a good day in sunney Yerp , this 4th July ?
MB Alumni
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Hi b0b,
Thinking of you and Squid at this time!
Alph.
Me, BS 37
Him, WXH (Noddy) 40
DD13, DD6
Married 14th August 1993
D/Day 2nd April 05
Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28
Divorce final 6th July '06.
Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx
...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
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Have any of you considered contacting the Harley's to see if they would be willing to hold a Conference in England? Or have you considered taking their course to become a Marriage Coach? Another website, if you haven't checked it out is http://www.familylife.com/ They have various articles not just on marriage, but parenting, some things specific to men, some to women, and they post their radio broadcasts that you can listen to over the web. They also have an international ministry, and are holding a "Weekend to Remember" Conference for marriages planned for Oct. 8th & 9th http://www.familylife.uk.com/Hosted by: CROWSTONE CHRISTIAN CENTRE Crowstone Road, Westcliff on Sea, Essex SS0 8LH Telephone (01702) 352668 www.crowstone.orghttp://www.familylife.com/about/international/overview.aspJust something else to consider checking out that can help your marriages.
Simul Justus Et Peccator
“Righteous and at the same time a sinner.”
(Martin Luther)
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Weeeh I did it.. I bought my house today (I got the keys so I could do work in it, but the sell wasn't final yet)!!
I now am the proud & official owner of my little house on the "prairie". Hurray !
And I almost beat STXWH with bowling haha... (our first "date" this year).
I think I'll sleep well tonight.
Wishing you all the same!
Brit from Belgium
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Congratulations, Brownhair!
Must feel great.
You bowl with your STBXWH? I must say, I kinda like the idea of 'dating' my WH.
Alph.
Me, BS 37
Him, WXH (Noddy) 40
DD13, DD6
Married 14th August 1993
D/Day 2nd April 05
Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28
Divorce final 6th July '06.
Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx
...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
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**threadjack** Hey Bob, did you see this?? The president,[Jacques Chirac] chatting to the German and Russian leaders in a Russian cafe, said: "The only thing [the British] have ever given European farming is mad cow." Then, like generations of French people before him, he also poked fun at British cuisine.
"You can't trust people who cook as badly as that," he said. "After Finland, it's the country with the worst food."
"But what about hamburgers?" said Vladimir Putin, the Russian president, referring to America.
"Oh no, hamburgers are nothing in comparison," Mr Chirac said. Bob, y'all need to open up a can of whoop [censored] on those Frenchies!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Can't believe that silly Russian was dissing our hamburgers!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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French food is over-rated. You can eat better & cheaper in Belgium! And I had some excellent food in Arizona <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. And freedom fries in New York! (Can you tell I'm not too keen on the Frenchies? They look down on us "little Belgians" but when push comes to shove, my STBXWH has to go to Paris to solve their IT-problems, haha.)
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You bowl with your STBXWH? I must say, I kinda like the idea of 'dating' my WH.
Alph. Hmm... interesting idea. In fact, if you could get up to a point where you are less available WH might get more interested in you. I remember a poster here (don't remember her name) whose WH also didn't live with her anymore and who dated him. Not giving him too much encouragment and making him believe she went on dates with other men sometimes (which she never did <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />) - now that got him interested! It might be a little too soon for that if WH is still "in deep" with OW, but showing some gentle independence could be a good thing.
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I think it is too early - he is so 'in love' with OW!
But we've always had a very flirty relationship. Once I'm not feeling so hurt (or once the ADs start to kick in) and the romance is fleeing the septic lovenest, I might give it a try!
Alph.
Me, BS 37
Him, WXH (Noddy) 40
DD13, DD6
Married 14th August 1993
D/Day 2nd April 05
Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28
Divorce final 6th July '06.
Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx
...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
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BTW, the worst food I ever had was in Paris. I was 14, and went there for a weekend with my mom. In this scruffy little place we had tripe to start, followed by what was meant to be chicken - but wasn't. It was horrid! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Alph.
Me, BS 37
Him, WXH (Noddy) 40
DD13, DD6
Married 14th August 1993
D/Day 2nd April 05
Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28
Divorce final 6th July '06.
Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx
...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
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Mel I heard that I thought it was hilarious ! To get the fun stuff out of the way, I'll take culinary criticism from any nation that doesn't include horses, amphibians and snails on its food roster ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> The truly hilariou sthing is the reasoning behing Chrac's comments - We brits have raised uncomfortable arguments against EU federalisation for years now, culminating in this current government's acknowledgement that there is no financial benefit to us joining, and that the British people would vote 'non' to any Euro referendum. Our GUARANTEED 'no' vote allowed otherwise quite "europhile" citizens of other countries to protest vote against the financial limitations of the Euro currency and the silly, SILLY constitution and dumb beaurocracy of the EU mechanism. The Dutch voted a resounding and intelligent 'no' to the EU constitution, and even the French people voted a big 'non' also, but for DIFFERENT reasons ( a fear that their enormous EU farming subsidy and extreme socialist employment policies may be changed to their detriment in the EU constitution). In turn this made OTHER nations admit their disquiet with the Euro currency and the EU gnerally. Italy,for example, are * that* close to restoring the Lira because fiscal constructs in the Euro tie Italian interest rates to those which primarily support Germany and France - MUCH more stable econmomies. Its killing them, basically. Chirac has been a huge advocate of a very socialist Federal Europe, and absolutely HATES Britain for so many reasons. The recent French 'no' vote to the European constitution has left him an emasculated laughing stock in France and in Europe. So for a 'great statesman' to be reduced to schoolboy jokes about food is actually hilarious and a testament to Blair's government's effective defense of Britain's best interests against the uber-socialists like Chirac in the EU. Incidentally I also agree that food in Belgium is far less pretentious, flavoursome and hearty than in Paris, and far more refined than in some French provinces. And the beer...Oh, Man the BEER in Belgium ! PS, amusing that a man whose father supported the collaborating vichy government under nazi rule should accuse Britian, who liberated them with the Americans of untrustworthiness huh ?
MB Alumni
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PS, amusing that a man whose father supported the collaborating vichy government under nazi rule should accuse Britian, who liberated them with the Americans of untrustworthiness huh ? sheesh, we liberated those masters of surrender for this? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Don't get me started on our beer! I have my brown Leffe right here. NOw I even start to rhyme but that's no crime <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Bob, when I come to Wales I'll bring you and Squid some great ales!
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