After having been divorced for a while, what do you miss about being married? For me, I've been divorced for a little over a year, and living on my own for nearly 3 years. (I have a feeling my list is different now than it would've been early on in our separation.)

Let's aim for a top 3 list only, so as not to get too wistful or wordy.

For me, right now I seem to miss these 3 things the most:
1. the cuddling, hugs and physical intimacy
2. the possibilty for a lifetime together, including children
3. the dual income (and the additional travel it allowed for)

Oddly enough, I'm not lonely for someone to talk to, because my friends are filling that role up quite nicely these days.

My list is kind of wierd I think....realistically, the primary reason someone should be seeking out a mate is for companionship first and foremost, right? Maybe that's why I can't make it past a 1st or 2nd date.....hmmmmm! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> That being said, I do sort of miss the companionship too, it's just not in the top 3 at this time.

Anyone else want to chime in with what you miss?

Jen <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Sharing, sharing everything. "Only" that...

Well, I didn't have it in the M, so I guess missing would be a proper word only if related to M in general, not the previous one...

OMG, how could I forget!?!

Yes, we had some sharing... Bills. :-))

1. Sharing our day, talking and making jokes.

2. Seeing her in the morning, bad hair and all...still looked beautiful to me...

3. the closeness of sleeping with her (sex goes hand in hand with this one).

I am going to miss her for a while...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

1. sex
2. sex
3. sex

(that is really not all, it's just that I am really in the mood for sex today.)

adgirl.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> hehe. UR badddddddd.... hehe... NOT really ... hehe.... OK, a song that's that running through my head the last few days... regarding a guy at work... remember this? "I wannnnnt you to want me - I neeeeeed you to need me - I'd lovvvvvve you to love me - I'm beggin you to beg me " LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Then... last night a heard another good one - "Dammmmm.. I wish I was your lover"

*sigh*

OK, on to answer Jen's question. I guess:

1. Sharing everything in life and making plans for the future.
2. Doing stuff. Just being able to pick up and go somewhere with *my* special someone (spouse). Yes, I have friends, and have had a BF, but it takes so much planning, and usually feels like begging or imposing when *I* want to do something cuz everyone has their lives and their families.
3. Cuddling, sleeping together.

1. Cuddling, holding hands, all the physical closeness.

2. Somebody to plan a life with. It's great to be able to plan on attending something 3 months in the future and not worry if you will have a partner.

3. Somebody to support and be supported by when things don't go well.

The planning for our future was also a big one...

I DISTINCTLY remember seeing my detailed vision of "OUR house" we would be buying together in the Southwest...BLOW UP!!!

I don't dwell on these thigs too much, but I suppose I am still mourning the loss.

WNB

My nice lawn <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
The dog I left there

My sanity is far more important that what I left behind. Living in an emotional abusive household was not good for me or the kids.

Hmmm...Lets see...

THat special look she would give that made me feel useless
The way she could turn a happy moment into turmoil in 2 seconds flat
The way she treated the kids....

I guess thats it.

Oh Crap Jen...you meant the stuff you MISS..I thought it was don't miss....

Nevermind.

I don't miss anything about my marriage

RebornMan

Hmmm... I really see Reborn Man's point here.

As I was reading this thread, I started getting a little depressed, because many of the things mentioned here are things I also miss about being married. But then I read RM's post, and realized that most of those things I feel I am missing were either never really there in the marriage, or had gone away well before the marriage was over.

And I'm not sure that sitting here contemplating what we miss about our marriage is such a good idea. For me, that's what made it difficult to move on, and to begin enjoying my life again. I was concentrating too much on what I'd lost, and not on what I'd gained.

The way I often explain the divorce to people is that he did me a favor by having an A. I would never have considered divorce without that, but given the way he had started treating me over the last 1/2 of our marriage, I was better off without him. Divorce was not in any way what I wanted, but it is what I needed.

The more I make myself stop dwelling on what was, and concentrate instead on making my life a good one now, the better I feel. So, while I understand the desire to think about what you miss about being married, I feel it really may not be that healthy to dwell on it.

Okay, here I was reading everyone's lists and getting warm fuzzies...and then I read RBM's post and "Poof!"...back to reality. RBM, I think you were married to my ex's twin sister! That look that made you feel useless--I know the exact one you mean!

So, though I loved my husband dearly, there was a lot more bad than good to our marriage. I walked on eggshells around him a good share of the 19 years.

But there are things I do miss:

1) Having someone to lay close to at night, and physical intimacy (however infrequent it may have been)

2) Having a companion/partner to do things with (I like to travel--just not alone)

3) Having a guy around the house to help me with all the "guy stuff" that I have so much trouble doing by myself. I was spoiled--my ex was very mechanically inclined.

I'd like to say I miss the supporting each other/being there for each other, but that's the one thing I always dreamed of that never happened.

LOL!. Same here ... -rh-

I miss so much but here are a few...

1. SEX
2. Sharing my every day life with someone.
3. Having family outings with our son.
4. Having someone to lean on and count on.
Most impotant of all...
5. Just knowing that you have a soft place to fall and someone to rely on and support you in whatever you do.
and once again...
6. SEX :-)

Someone to mow the lawn and shovel the driveway.

Someone to drive the motorhome we never got around to buying on the trips we never got around to taking.

Hmmmm - do we have to come up with three?

Yeah, kind of with Reborn Man on this one.

I miss the house I just bought.
I miss our wiener dog.
I miss not having to "look" for a prospective partner....

I miss having someone cook for me....(oops, I did most/all the cooking)
I miss someone on the same spiritual plane with me (nooooo....)

Hmmm....

I miss someone going out of thier way to make me feel loved. (Is that a subscription to Maxim for our first anniversary?)

Damn, that ain't it, either.....

I miss someone being romantic with me... (Wait. It was so infrequent (her with me) that I was actually counting the last year or so?)

I miss someone that appreciates everything I do for them. (Huh? What? Not so much? Okay....)

Hold on......

.....

.....

.....

.....

.....

.....

Wait for it....

.....

.....

.....

.....

Screw it. I give up. I've got nuthin'. Please tell me what I was thinking....

Ethan

LOL Ok I love Reborn Man and Furniture Man's answers. You two are cracking me up! And really, dwelling in the past- not much use on this. This is like looking in the rear view mirror- just doesn't do much good. At least you aren't just thinking about the good though hahahahahahahaha.
PS Furniture man go for the teammate- ask her out!!!!

I don't want to make jest... My ex and I had some good times together. But that's a double edged sword... What kind of awesome life could we have had if she had stayed true. I was married for 42 months. My XW had a boyfriend for 34 of those. So what do I really know about marriage? I remember dinners, anniversaries, "romantic times", vacations that it seemed like she wasn't there. Because for 3/4 of the time, she wasn't.

That's one of the wierd and very, very scary things about the future for me. We WERE inseperable, we WERE best friends, but I haven't seen that person in years. But look at the pictures from the our last five years. If it DOESN'T look like we're happy, and in love, show me one.... So for me, I have no clue whatsoever... what parts of the past 5 years were real, what parts where an act. And that scares the hell out of me, quite honestly.....

So I do miss my buddy. But my M is an absolute insult to what M should be, and that's what I'm poking fun at.

I just hope I get another shot to get it right.

And I'll ask her out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I just want to time it right......

Ethan

Ethan,

I know the situation that brought us all here is not a happy one, but darn, every time I read your posts I have to laugh. You have an awesome sense of humor!

This sums up a large part of my feeling too, furnitureman. I just don't know which good memories are legit, so I can't enjoy even the GOOD memories. Bummer.