All right, men, it’s your turn. How would you advise a man to help his wife recover her desire for him? I’m sure the ladies will be very glad to help with this, too, if it seems like you just don’t understand the mystery that is Womanhood. (Nobody can explain us exactly, but we can try…) As with the ladies, please keep this on a high plane. I am not trying to bother the mods; only to provide a resource for those in this position.

Filling her EN's is a good start. That is what makes people fall in love with each other, isn't it? It certainly works for me.

the thing with women is that it is not a quick thing to get turned on normally- foreplay is an all day thing. Start the day off with a kiss and not wanting more, or snuggle, tell her she looks beautiful before you or she leaves for the day, and give her a hug. Call her to say hi, and nothing else, or ask if she needs something. Greet her with a hello and a kiss, hold her hand if you are in the car together, help with the kids, or the yard work, or something to help take the load off of her- to leave her more energy. Basically for women forplay is not just the lead up to sex, it is more then kissing and touching, it is the connections that we feel that makes us attracted to our mate- makes us want them all the more. With my husband I am always interested (well almost) but I get even more so when I see him playing with the kids- it is a turn on for me. I am struggleing like you as well as my H is reluctant- and turns me down 95% of the time- I would love some advice on seducing a reluctant Husband!

Hope what I wrote helped.

Ok, Orchid is NOT a guy but if the H's are gonna be reading this thread, then I 'must' post here.

1. Do the dishes.
2. Vaccuum the house.
3. Pick up after yourselves and the children.

It is sexy to see a guy help around the house. Especially when the W is a FT working mom.

Flowers, candy, dinner, small gifts..... they are nice but generally things like the above 3 really can make a bigger impact (IMHO). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> My H has and is learning t/d these things and I must say, our R is getting much better. In fact his attitude is getting much better.

Of course the W's must not be some spoiled brat. My H's younger sister is spoiled and H does the above and much much more. So maybe attitude and need to be appreciative and show appreciation s/b the basis for whatever we do and have done for us.

Thanks for the opportunity to share my latest and great techinque! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid, wise words like yours are exactly why the men NEED the women to post on this thread. ALL MEN LISTEN TO ORCHID!!!!

Lest you men think this is some widespread conspiracy by the women just to make their husbands do more housework, just ask AJ. Several times recently he has cleaned my grandpa's bathroom, scrubbing on his hands and knees. (Let's just say he had his work cut out for him and leave it at that. It's still too close to lunch.) It was one of the sexiest things I've ever seen, and I could hardly wait for the chance to thank him properly for the assistance.

One more time. [color:"red"] ALL MEN LISTEN TO ORCHID!!!!!!!!!! [/color]

Look her in the eye and tell her that you are sorry for hurting her, that you have been a blind fool, that she is beautiful, and that you love her .

And mean it.

Yep, that would do it for me.

I think Orchid has the right idea! Here are some other things that really rev my engine:

1. go the mall and cheerfully shop and carry your w's bags. no sulking or sarcastic remarks about prices!

2. comment every day on what a smokin' hottie she is

3. disappear when you see the UPS man coming - you don't need to know why he is on our street!

4. Wash and wax her car

5. Do not rifle through her good pots and pans looking for oil changing paraphenalia!

6. Figure out where our dishes go when you "do the dishes" and empty all the dishwasher contents onto the counter because you "don't know where this stuff goes."

OMG Mel, the dishwasher thing hit the nail on the head!

But I promised that I would never gripe about the small things ever again, I would appreciate any help what so ever.

HINY

I only know what works for me (although, for the most part, I've never been 'reluctant'):

1) Talk to her, and actually listen when she talks - make her laugh.

2) Spend time with her, willingly.

3) Do little things here and there that make her feel like you care (brush the hair back from her face, smile at her - washing and waxing the car wouldn't hurt).

Sigh.

Well, you know what they say: "There is no such thing as a frigid woman. There are only uncaring men."

In my experience this is oh, so true.
Mulan

I'll share with you one of the sexiest notes my WH (when he was my H) ever wrote me. He left it on the kitchen counter for me to find:

Pebs -
Here is some cash I got you from the ATM. I filled your car up with gas. I'll pick up dinner on the way home.

Love ya',
Me

Now that's hot stuff! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Give your H the "Five Love Languages - edition for Men" ! And take the questionnaire together. According to Chapman, there are five love languages:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Receiving Gifts
3. Quality Time
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
And since we all have a "mother tongue" (though some migh be bilingual), what does the trick for one woman/man, might put another woman/man off.

For me, it's definitely Quality Time. Of course I like receiving gifts, and acts of service (household stuff etc.), and praise/loving words, and a hug. But what really makes ME fall in love is a man that will spend quality time with me.

For another person, it might be a totally different thing! So we need to find out what our LL is... and what our partner's LL is... and chatter away <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> !

Ideally you can combine the LLs with the EN's. That gives you a very good idea of what you need, and what your S needs. It may seem a bit technical at first, but it's really like learning the native tongue of your S. Even if you're not perfect at it, they'll LOVE it when you try to communicate in their language and put out a real effort to learn !

This also turned on my WW. I remember when dating, I played baseball with DS18 (then 8). She gave me a big hug and told me how attractive I was.

Hey Orchid.


I did all those things and more too, but WW still went for nanny aged 19. Hmm. Must need bigger muscles.!

PEBBLES! That only works for YOUR husband. What if we didn't do anything wrong? Some of us are perfect! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Mel, Pebbles.... What's wrong when none of that works. I do all of that now. Could I have a defective wife? I'm not that ugly! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Then you gotta get a 'perfect wife'. I don't think they have that model in stock on the mainland. LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

BTW, not here either. The last 'perfect wife' was seen talking to a snake. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.

Huh?

That's who the OM was! I now KNOW why he was on our street! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />


hcii

hcii, he must have brought lots of good stuff! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />