I've read that an A can't survive in the light of day. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it? So with that in mind, I've been, not indiscriminately talking, but I have not spared anyone the truth about why we aren't together.
I have had calls from WS's workplace from concerned friends wondering about what is going on with her. She lost a lot of weight, looks awful and has been seen too often in the company of OM for it to escape notice. We have been apart for 2 months now, and D-day was last Sept.

A mouthy friend of hers has been trying to make a space for herself in Heaven, I think and has decided to "put us back together again"...making us her "project". On the one hand, I couldn't have asked for a better delivery of bad news but I think she has forced my hand.
The $h_t hit the fan this morning. Man am I in trouble! Yes she is reacting out of anger nnd yes she feels badly about what she did....it was her A, not mine after all.
In situations like this....does the anger of the WS, due to exposure, adversely influence a recovery?
It wasn't hateful on my part and I do miss her with all my heart. I would like to be happy with her again if that's possible. We had 28 years of a great marriage, after all.
Emotionally, I feel like I have ruined my chances, even though intellectually I understand she needed to reach this place if we were to have a chance.
Tell me I did the right thing!

bbrriiaann

You did the right thing.

Pep

Anger is a good sign. it tries to cover up her shame for her affair.

Stay steady.

Anger won't kill your recovery chances ... indifference might.

Pep

Now get the 'word out' as widely as possible that YOU think the marriage is NOT 'over' and that YOU want the marriage put back together.

She's gonna 'spin' this to make it look like a mutual break up.

Tell everyone you are 'open to recovery' if your wife ends her adulterous affair.

AND USE THE WORD ADULTERY as often as you can ... coz the media paints affairs as 'love stories' ... PUKE!

If you can, refer to OM as her 'adultery partner' and not 'other man' and certainly not 'her lover'...

"affair" should cross your lips when discussing this with those who have been exposed to the news.

I might even put something in the newspaper!

Pep

Have you exposed to the OM's wife? She should be #1 on the exposure list.

SD

Your marriage can survive the anger from exposure, it cannot survive an affair. Just look at it that way.

I'm exposing right along with you! You're right, it feels crap.

I'm as nervy as a jack-rabbit.

But, let's nuke these affairs!

Alph.

Ok

I am an exposure vet.

Nothing feels worse that worrying about exposure.
Nothing feels worse than actually exposing
Nothing feels worse than the backlash from WS and the fear their threats may be believeable...

But in truth...

Nothing feels as great as the EMPOWERMENT and EXPRESSION OF POTENCY that exposing brings.

The infidels THRIVE on BS fear. NOURISH from it.

Exposing removes that fuel source.

Bob, you articulate that so well!

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I am by no means an expert, just someone traveling a similar road.

I have been exposing too. Oh boy has there been some anger! My WH has not been happy (especially since I talked to his job) and neither has the OW (especially since I talked to her H).

For some reason though, his anger doesn't seem to last. He still wants to talk to me, still doesn't file for the big D and has yet to say it's over and stand by it for longer than 2 minutes.

The exposure garbles the aliens communication with the mothership it seems, even if only temporarily. Every little bit helps in my opinion.

Your responses make me feel a lot better!
I'm in trouble with her for telling her sister the truth as well. The OM isn't married so no luck there (he was but she kicked him out) However I did talk to a mutual friend of ours who is employed at the same place. OM will not be getting the job he was applying for. The employer can't trust anyone to be a good employee if they can't be good person first.
She did leave in one heck of a storm cloud this morning. It looks like the lawyers will be called. I expect that was a lot of anger talking but I believe that we could never move forward together if she always felt she had a secret friend to fall back on (OM).
This guy is scum...I've found out so much dirt on him by just listening ... not even trying to track him down.
Who knows where we will go from here but at least I think this will put an end to the A.

Why don't I feel better yet ?

Why don't you feel better yet?

Because this is [color:"red"] WAR[/color]

.... that's why.

You're in a fight. Fights don't usually feel good.

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

LOL

Are you sure this is accurate information? Where did you get this info, Brian?

from him and WS....he was a guest in our home several times during the EA (I didn't know about it at that time though)

I wonder if who she has become is compatable with who I am and what I need in a mate.
The lack of respect and the lying will not be easy to forgive but I know I can...but how do I know she won't be waiting for the next good deal to make himself available?
We had a very good relationship btw...and I wonder how to make it good again

Brian, do you have any way to verify this information with his wife? This might be a lie that he told your W.

You will know if she shows remorse and tries hard to repair the damage. If she doesn't do those things, then it probably will happen again.

Brian, do you have any way to verify this information with his wife? This might be a lie that he told your W.

I personally think he lies to her and everyone else he toys with all the time. I have proof he has been with other women and dropped them...told WW about this and she isn't surprised by it. Her work mates see him for what he is but she forgives him everything.
What gets to me though is she doesn't seem to have a problem being part of his harem. That isn't who I remember being my wife!
After such a fall from grace, can my WW ever respect herself enough again to become who I want her to be?

become who I want her to be?

You can't make her into anything brian.

I see many FBS who try to use recovery as a lever to change long term personality traits.

This isn't fair or realistic IMO.

Best you can hope for is a return to a "natural" spouse, but who tries a bit more intelligently to meet your needs.

Believe me, added to repentence that can be a huge gift .