I was trying to find out what her STBX thought about her adultery - but I guess I knew that already. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Never met a troll before, even though I am half Norwegian! LOL. I just want everyone to be friends... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

The UK courts couldn't care less about who lives with the WS as far as visitation goes. Not interested in the affects of adultery upon them.

If I went to court, my sit would be worse, I am sure. They would grant WH overnight visits.

I have got my atty to send a letter to WH informing him that I don't want OW to meet the kids yet. There was no date specifying when they would be ready.

WH is so clueless that I think he thinks this is legally binding. He will find out differently soon - if he ever consults his own atty. How disorganised is this man - he hasn't even redirected his mail after nearly 3 months of being gone!

I'd love to tell him that OW can see the kids when he!! freezes over, but I think that might provoke a divorce out of him.

Alph.

Your probably better off where you are then. The reason they don't get a lawyer and redirect their mail is because they want you to wait at the sidelines. If they do all of that then it will be like making a committment to ending it and you won't be waiting there anymore in case this relationship falters.

I know Plan A is difficult believe me it sucks for the most part. But it is an important part of the whole MB plan together. It kind of helps you to get to Plan B (when the love bank goes red). Then by the time you are in Plan B you are angry and then if that doesn't work you are ready for Plan D. Let's hope he comes to his senses before then. Plan A as long as you can. It seems to me the fog clears when he is over to your house. Maybe you should try harder. Invite him to dinner with the kids at the house and make some good ol english food instead of omelette food. Whilst he is there have great conversation with him, initiate some contact if you feel the timing is right. Talk about old times, your wedding, sex, food, dancing. I invited Matt to dinner all the time when I was Plan Aing. It drove him nuts.

Be your kindest best soul. Try not to love bust, but show him you are a better match. Talk about the children and your concern for them. See if you can clear the fog a little every now and then. Ask him to do things with you and just you. Ask him to lunch alone with you. Answer the door in a sexy low cut shirt, flirt a little. Leave lingerie hanging in the bathroom. I even left a note in the bathroom once when Matt was coming with a fake man's name on it and a phone number. I have had to convince him several times now that I never did anything whilst he was gone just due to that one little thing. They do see things they just don't ackknowledge it.

You can make it as fun as you can under the circumstances. I actually had some fun with it in the end. Arkie and PEP really had me on a roll back then.

HINY

HINY, you are so great.

I think I have been doing OK generally - just another one of those bad days when I OD on adrenalin because I'm so anxious about exposure. Makes me completely paranoid.

He is coming around here tomorrow to see DD5, but he wants to take her out to the park rather than come to the house. If I'm feeling brave I might ask if I can go too.

I feel like I'm a spotty 13 year old, trying to get the attention of the hottest boy in school. I just haven't a clue. It's ridiculous - I've known this man for nearly 15 years!

So I'll make myself look nice, and it won't be nearly as bad as I think.

Alph.

I never really had a choice as the OW in my case was my kids nanny, and they adored her (which made me so mad and hurt) they wondered why she and daddy moved out, and then wondered why Daddy only came around with her, and not to see them, I unfortunently lost my cool a few times when I came home from work and found her there, one time when I came home and walked in on them making out on the couch with the kids asleep in the other room, I grabbed her by her hair and threw her against the wall and then continued to drag her towards the door and thew her into that (opps was there a door there? My bad...) then I opened the one door and into the other door (opps again) then threw her out side and she asked how she was to get home because apparently my H and kids went and picked her up, I told her that was not my concern and slamed the door. H all the while stood watching and laughing at the whole situation. Then he left to take her home- I changed the locks while he was gone and locked the entire house down like fort knox. Unfortunently he broke in. that was just one of the times, after a while all I had to do was start counting and she would go running- however it never seemed to stop her from coming into my house. I guess I am lucky I am not in jail. I am not a violent person actually normally very passive, she just brought out the worst in me.... Sorry I guess that did not really help matters any? It was a trigger for me... brought me out of the shadows where I have been lerking for some time now.

I've been wondering about this. Should I push for him to redirect his mail, or just leave it? I don't want to love bust, obviously, but might it help clear some tiny bit of fog if I appear to be moving on a little?

Alph.

KMEJ,

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Wow.

Alph.

I had Mr. HINY's mail redirected but you can do what you want. I told him that all the bills had to go to him to get paid <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> so he best get his mail changed to keep on payin them!

HINY

Like I said on Tree's thread: the WS always, always, always come down on the BS for making the children's adjustment to a divorce and a lurking affair partner difficult.

What they are doing is, and I think this is a fair analogy... the WS expectation of smiles and cooperation... it's like forcing the BS to serve her children a dinner of pure [censored], then criticizing her for not making yummy noises while she chokes it down and watches the kids spoon it up.

GC