My wife and I have been sep. for 4 mths now as my other post will show. It has been like everyone else pure hell. Over the past mth. it has leveled out but it now seems to be getting a little bumpy.

She is still going out with her friends and does not want to spend any quality time with the kids. She will not do any activities with them. My son has asked her to come to the pool where he taking swim lessons and watch him - NO SHOW!! Now she is going to Phoenix for a national meeting with her company from Monday through thurs. and now wants to take the kids tomorrow on my weekend and do something with them. My son again asked her to do something with him tonight like look thru his telescope and she would not - It is my assumption that she is going out with her friends.

Any way - I really want to avoid her tomorrow - because I feel she only wants to see the kids when it is convenient with her schedule. The kids and I had planned to go to the pool. Of course if my son asked if mommy is going to be their I will contact her but if he does not want to bring her up I don’t want to contact her!

Any advice on how I should handle this?

It must be very hard to see your kids going through this. I would let her see them when she will. I know it is not fair, but WS's are very, very selfish, and your kids need some contact with mom.

i know that this is hard. but from a womens point i couldn't be away from my kids. which plan are you in. and believer is right. now she is being very selfish i have the same problem with my wh. keep your chin up. she'll wise up eventually don't know when but she will.

I am in plan A.

All I have been doing is full filling "all" of her EN and at times getting a lot and other times verrrry Cold and moody.

Well she came over to the house and we as a family spent time together --sounds good but now there is another twist developing-- while she was in the house getting something to eat I was outside continuing my investigational work around her. She had left her cell phone in the car and I looked @ in and out going calls as well as text messages. She had sent 2 text messages to a co worker of hers that were pretty "straight forward in the intent".


I am getting to a point where I am tired of this BS. Almost to the point of throwing in the towel. But I also feel that if I do give up that I will be giving her exactly what she wants. "A easy way out"

Do you think it is time to start phasing into Plan B even tough it has only been two mths since I discovered this wed site.

I have also thught about doing two things this week.
1. Writing a letter although I when I do express my affection she pushes away.

2. She will be attending a national sales meeting in Phoenix which has been planed and confirmed by her company for months. I thought about sending one flower the first day, two the second and so on. hoping that her CO WORKER OM will get the idea

forget trying to show OM anything... it is not about him, it is about HER.

learned that one the hard way! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I agree, though it is hard, try to NOT close the kids off from her. They will grow and realize who was there for them and when... but you should not ever facilitate the failing of that connection. If she does not see her kids regularly let it be because of HER and not you.

Besides, Plan A means going along and loving her through it all... Plan B? Whole nother ballgame.

Bad thought but I was thinking about sending the flowers to his room at the convention "BY MISTAKE" - And the card read Have a good week We love YOU - love Son name dau name and mind

I know it is playing with fire

dude stay in plan a as long as you can plan b is a lot ahrder with kids. and they are right its not about the om its about her. learned that from my wh

Just to update

I did send a nice setting of flowers to her at her business meetings. FROM THE KIDS AND I.

I understand it is not about him and at this point do not plan to approach him in any way. But I will know as much about him as I can. In SC it is a crime to have an affair. It is not prosecutable but I can supennia all parties to testify under oath IF IT GETS UGLY. Which I don't see that happening?

My plan is to stay in PLAN A and love her.

Has she reacted to the flowers?

Does she normally call when she's away on business?

Well I am in Canada starting a new job so lines of contact this week are kind of difficult. I did call her at her meetings and left a message on how to reach me. So I will find out tonight when I return to the hotel.

She’s out maybe once or twice a year at a national convention and when either of us is away we would speak min. of two times a day.

Well she is back from National Sale meeting.

When she came over to pick the kids up we talked about really nothing and then on her way out I Gave her a gift which I had bought her when I was in Canada. A very nice but simple pendent.

She asked why I bought this for her and simply told her because I loved her! She welled up with tears and gave me a huge. She told me that I had really caught her off guard.

In a way I really feel that I am lasting my time and I am getting tired but I know if I do want things to work out I need to continus.

Nice work... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I did some e mail work and found out that she has invited one of her male work collogues to go to Vegas to watch her brother play in a pool tournament.

I have known about the tour. for a long time and had a very strong suspicion about this OM.

I know I can not call or approach him in any way but like so many other posters it is hard not to make any contact so I will not???

So what do you do ??? Sit in Plan A and hope!!! I do not think he is married but do not know this for sure because he lives in Gastonia NC about 1 hour away.

Do you send an untraceable email to their boss exposing them???

Any suggestions or guidance.

At times I feel like I am Kicking A. in this Plan A and know I feel as if it is not worth it!!!

As I some what expected She did not show up for our mc today. For one of two reasons - did not want to Obvious or she plan forgot ( which knowing her this can happen because it was scheduled 3 weeks ago.

My counselor suggested that I stop tip toeing around the fact that there is another man influencing my wife away from the family. He suggested that I expose it to her parents the other man family (if possible) work managers who ever to let her know that the sh-- has got to stop.

Note to a pervious post - Their manager will be staying in Greenville to ride with my wife next week. It was also suggested that I go to the hotel and expose the affair to their manager. Thought being that the company stresses the FAMILY and these two individuals with evidence that the OM is influencing my wife above and beyond the unmet emotional needs with in the marriage.

Again what do I do?

Part of Plan A is exposure. In fact that is ESSENTIAL to ending the affair.

So start exposing - check out the threads here of foundareason and Gramn. They just finished exposure.

I agree Believer and I have exposed to Her that I KNOW with point blank instances. I have exposed to her parents and discussed the situation with them on many occasions - I just left their house where we discussed it some more. It does feel go to know that from what I can see they are 99% on my side. They have not said anything to my WW about any of our conversations.

Who and how else can I expose this affair??
I am going to try to meet with their boss when he is in town. I want to do this because my WW and I have been to dinner with him on a number of occasions and I want him to know the truth and my prospective.

I am going to remain in plan A for some time because as she is still in major conflict and shows strong sign of regret?!?!?

Expose her everywhere. Is the OM married? If so, expose to his wife. Expose at work. Expose, expose, expose.

Exposure has started. I do not think he is married. Their work will know Sunday evening at the latest. I am trying to find out how to get in touch with his parents.

As far as exposure - I have exposed it to everyone that I can think of - NEED help!!

He is not married
I want to expose it to her work - She is a Pharm. Rep. Her boss was coming into town to ride with her tomorrow but I can not find where he is staying to "expose in person at his hotel" -- Do I call him on the phone and ask for a meetings -- he will most likely call her (don’t know if this would be good or bad. This is why I would like to do in person.

Any ideas on how to expose it to her boss from out of town.

I don’t feel like I am doing this right and am not getting any response.

swade,

Slow down. You're doing just fine. Things are slow on the weekends here and sometimes a post just gets bumped so far so fast that it doesn't get the attention it deserves.

Call the boss's secretary and tell her you'd like to know which hotel boss is staying at so you can call him about something personal. Then call him and set up a meeting. Tell him it is personal and ask that he not let your wife know until after you've met that a meeting is arranged.

Then, when you meet with him, you explain in your best MB way that you are trying to save your marriage and that you would appreciate his helping in calling a halt to this work-place affair that is surely consuming company resources.

~ Snow