Kimberly:

My thoughts on this:

Contacting the OP (the exception being on D-day to tell them to get the h**l away from your S) is a waste of time.

It's like a Love-Buster. It feels good when you do it, for about 10 minutes, but it causes damage you have to you then have to go and repair.

If you call/e-mail/write/see this OW, you can get a few things off your chest. She will then twist your words around, as only a pathologic OW can, and either justify her inappropriate R with your H to herself (and that would be the least damaging thing she could do). Or...far worse, she cn use your words to reach out to your H, dragging both of you through the muck (actually had a more colorful word in mind - use your imagination).

I've saids this before; I'll say it again...You want to hurt the OW? You want her to feel the most pain possible? What's the worst thing she can experience?????



Silence.

Stone, cold, dead silence. Silence that reverberates in her ears. Silence that screams to her how unimportant, how meaningless, how trivial she was in the grand scheme of your and you husband's lives.

Give her what she deserves -nothing.

The best revenge is living well.

Live well today and always - with your H.

Blessings.

I made contact with OM.

To begin with I was pathetic. Begging.

Once I got strong and straight I did my research and threatened him.

He lives in fear of me now every day.

It is right that he should and I am made happy by that.

Do not contact your OP with hope of convincing or whatever without concrete tools to use against her.

You will just look pathetic.

"Silence.

Stone, cold, dead silence. Silence that reverberates in her ears. Silence that screams to her how unimportant, how meaningless, how trivial she was in the grand scheme of your and you husband's lives..."


Amen

kimberly,

I contacted the OW when I became suspicious of my H's "secret friend" and didn't believe his explaination.

She lied to me. Covered for him completely. Made me look like a suspicous idiot.

I believed her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I contacted her again when I FINALLY discovered there was much more to this "secret friendship" than I'd been lead to believe. She wasn't home so I left a message. Not nasty, not mean. Just a "please contact me. I think you are being lied to by my H as much as I am."

She didn't return my call. Instead she immediately contacted my H to let him know I was "harassing" her! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Don't bother contacting her kimberly. She will either lie to you to deny all or embelish the relationship to make it appear as though it is much more than it is.

I second the recommendation of "SILENCE." Make her insignificant.


cardiactrama

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I really like the idea of *silence*. Dang, I knew this was the best approach, but did I do it ?? No.

I called OW and it just ended up in a screaming match and me hanging up. I may have gotten a few jabs in, but it did make me look pathetic. And, all she did was lie to me. Surprise, surprise.

If you absolutely can not go the silent route, which is always best. I would suggest that you write down the things that you really want to say to her. But, let me warn you - things will go off track real quick !!

Good luck and God Bless.

Carnation

Thanks all for your advice and stories shared - I have decided not to contact the OW. My thoughts were to just call her and be very civil. "OW, I am sorry for your the situation you are in. I do not wish you any harm and hope that youu can find help. However; my H and I are working on our marriage and I do not want you contacting him again."

I agree that silence is the best route. I will leave it at that.

Thanks!!

Kim