All is not well in paradise, then! Comfort yourself with the knowledge that in your marriage your H was 'fleshed out', and now that he's left the M to explore his R with the OW, she's turned him into a scrawny wreck of a person.

When do you/did you start your job?

Alph.

It cld be guilt that's eating him up, I dunno...

I start in 1 Aug. I can't wait.. something new to learn, something to get occupied in, new colleagues to get to know...clients to meet...

I'm still waiting for my documents to be signed by someone so I can submit forms to get Certified Public Accountant membership. They are sure dragging their feet on this!!

I may also be renting out my master bedroom w/ attached bathroom to overseas students or expats in order to get some income in. That wld help service my end of the loan repayment. I'm hoping to deal with this portion of my financial "problem" after I've started work and get into some kind of comfortable routine.

~A

Ashley - I took in boarders for income. It was the best thing I did. It gave me some financial stability. Now they are great friends.

It's going to be a medium term thing... but we (Mom and I) are getting ourselves ready to try taking boarders. It will definitely help with the income side of things. After 3 yrs when the sep is over and done with (and if WH is still happily wandering in his own wilderness), we'd probably would have already sold this place at a better price. I hope to then be able to get a smaller, easier-to-maintain apartment for ourselves.

~A

Hmmm... WH came by suddenly again today. He grabbed some other smaller items and began asking me about any news concerning family situation that had just occurred. Then, he said "if there's anything, to call him". There are glimpses of Real H today but he still looks v. guilty. I acted cool... even reminded him if he wants to take away his bunch of imported Chinese Tea which Mom and I don't really drink.

Weird.

~A

After I just posted in Pebbles thread, I got a TM from WH. He said he finally told his Mom abt us separating. It seems she may have heard it from his bro. And that my Dad may have told BIL abt the A. I wasn't aware of that at all and had actually told Dad not to reveal anything to IL's as I do not trust them. Dad and BIL are golf buddies.

WH told me not to tell MIL about OW!!! He's asking me to lie.. geez! And that MIL is going to his shop to make a scene, and that she will call my mom and me. It's a honour-"face" thing.. as you may know, we are in Asia.

I told him I will not lie. And that both he and OW has to take responsibility for their own actions. And I will take responsibility for mine.

* Silence * for now.

I wonder what other developments will unfold.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

This is getting to be interesting.

Gimble -- you might need that deckchair here for the fireworks too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

~A

Hi, Ashley.

Quote:
=========================
Gimble -- you might need that deckchair here for the fireworks too.
=========================

I will watch. You need to go ahead and tell before they do damage control. What damage control means is they will make you out to be a loon. You might as well tell everyone now before they spoil the fun and make you look like Yosemite Sam.

Have fun,
Gimble

Two of WH's investors/ partners already know. Many of our mutual friends know as well.

Well, I don't have IL's mobile numbers you see. I don't really have that much close contact with IL's. And if Dad had told BIL abt this matter some time back, he had kept it under the radar as well. Shows how enabling he can be too. He probably hid the problem from MIL.

Right now, for what I can see, it's a matter of "saving face". So I think there'll be *some* fireworks but it'll blow over soon.


~A

Hi Ashley.

I think you are handling this all so well. You really don't seem so sad any more. That's great.

I'm sure your own positive mental attitude has helped you out a lot.

Alph.

Hi Alph, thx for the support. It helps <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am still a little sad at times. I just know that I can't stop him from doing what he wants to do. It's like banging my head against the wall! So I have to move on regardless what happens.

I have bummer news just now. The freelance job feel thru so I'm back to the job search again. I guess I might try some temp jobs just to help with finances for awhile. I had a feeling the co might go back on their word as they were dragging their feet on some matters. Oh well.. maybe something better is in store for me in the future!


~A

What a shame. But, like you say - something even better for you in the future, yeah? I'm sure you'll find something real soon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

I have to believe it will be so right?? else the future will be so bleak!!

I still DON'T UNDERSTAND how WH can ask me to cover up the A for him? I mean What the ?!??!! it's amazing! It's right there with the 'can we still be friends' thing.

~A

It's been quiet here.... MIL didn't call yet. I managed to find BIL's mobile number. Think I shld I call and let him know the truth. I don't want them to not know the real reason why we are separating. I want to tell my side of the story.

~A

Ashley, you should have already!
Do it in a calm and respectful way: just give them the facts.

Hi, Ashley.

Yes, do it! Do it now! Do it before WH has a chance to put any more of his spin on it! Take it from someone who is suffering from the spin right now.

Update... I just punched in the number to MIL's hse. As she speaks a different dialect which I am not totally familiar with, I tried my best to tell her my side of the story. She said she has given WH verbal thrashings since yesterday and was determined to give the OW a verbal thrashing too. She was also mad with BIL for keeping the secret from her. She said I shld have told her when it first happened (I didn't because I do not know which side she'd stand in.. as blood can be thicker than water.) Even when she seems to be siding me now, I have no idea if it's really genuine. ("Saving Face" is v. important here!)

I also found out that WH had lied about a $10K amt drawn from my bank a/c. This was supposed to be paid back to MIL or so WH said. But MIL said she didn't see the $ at all!

Anyhow, she later said she wanted to speak to my Mom. So the two moms are talking on the phone now... while I'm typing this post.

~A

Wow,

It's hitting the fan for your WH, eh?

Good for you.

Two Moms talking on the phone. Scarey for the infidels!

Alph.

They've put down the phone now... Mom said MIL was very upset and started crying abt the situation. Mom told her it's WH choice that he wanted to leave the marriage and choose OW. Even if MIL were to continue verbally thrashing him, his heart is not here. Mom told MIL to try to take it easy.

I don't know if MIL will actually go after OW's throat or not. LOL

But OK.. at least this is now done and over with. Whatever happens will now take its due course.

~A

Where is that lawn chair when I need it? I would have loved to have listened in on that! (Secret evil thoughts of my mom ripping into my MIL, LOL). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

MIL actually blamed my Mom for not telling her the matter earlier on. Mom got peeved. She said that all these verbal thrashings doesn't do any good when WH doesn't want to listen and avoided dealing with any of us when he was still staying here. And that he had consistently and stubbornly chosen to go to OW and refused to work on the marriage. MIL later twisted her words and tempered that down to saying Mom shld have told her earlier so they cld both go to "the temple to pray".

MIL is a v traditional woman and so her method of dealing with this A matter is the typical "scream at the OW for ruining family", "drag son by the ears back to matrimonial home" type of thing...

Mom and I react with abit more restraint and with more headspace than emotions. MIL doesn't understand why we did the things we did!

Anyhow.. it's SILENCE now.
Peace for today...!

BTW -- I have decided to take up an insurance course and get certified as an agent. This is something v new to me and so it will be a challenge. Perhaps by selling insurance and if it works for me, I'll be able to work out our current financial knots by end of this yr!

~A