Well, I've been working doubles the last two days, and I've made a little money, enough to cover the phone bill, which has to be paid today (It's 80 dollars).

Let's see Monday night, he decided he didn't want me to sleep in the bed with him, he wanted me to sleep on the couch. I was turning the TV off in the living room and stuff and he threw my pillow out to me and said "You sleep on the couch". I finished what I was doing, picked up my pillow and went into the bedroom. He had his arm across my side and said "I don't want you in here with me" I said "Yeah, well I'm sleeping in here" So I moved his arm and got into bed. He proceeded to try to take my pillow out from under my head, but I held onto it, then he tried to take the blankets off of me, held onto them too. Then he kept saying, "I don't want you in the bed with me"...I said "If you don't want to sleep with me, you sleep on the couch" He said "No, I've already done that" I said "Well, I won't be sleeping on the couch." Then he blared the TV really loud in the bedroom, and I just layed there and acted like it didn't bother me, and he finally gave up and turned it off about 1:30 am. So I was REALLY tired the next day and had to work a double.

Wednesday night was uneventful, I didn't get home until 10:30 pm from work, and I sat and watched TV for a while, and then I went to bed, he went at the same time, and didn't flip out and say he didn't want me in there.

Yesterday I had some time between shifts, and I had a doctor appt (Finally got checked for any STD's...the doc said everything "looks" fine, but of course it's like 3 days to get the results), then I came home because he said he needed the car (The hot rod's windshield wipers don't work and it had been storming), so I came home and sat around for about a 1/2 hour, and he said "So how are you getting home from work?" I said "Ummm you'll have my car, so you'll have to come and get me" (He was supposed to go to his Mom's and clip her dog's nails) He said "Nevermind, I'm not gonna go" I said "Okay" So I washed my face and straightened up my hair and started to walk out the door. He said "UH! Bye" I said "See ya" and left.

So I got home last night about 9:30, and he had a headache, I told him it was probably the weather front moving through, and I gave him a benedryl (I figured it was a sinus type thing), so he's laying there on the couch and I was sitting on the other end, and all of the sudden he get's up and lays his head on my lap. I rubbed his head for a few minutes and then he went to laying back at the other end but had his legs across my lap. I went to get up, and he said "Where are you going?" I said "To the bathroom" He said "Oh..." and took his legs off. So I came back and said "I'm going to bed, I'm tired" So I went in and he quickly turned off the TV in the living room and put the dogs in their kennels and followed me in there. I layed down facing away from him and he got into bed and pulled me next to him and put his arm around me and had his face nuzzled in my neck and told me he loved me, I said "I love you too".

This morning I woke up, and since it appears that the stand-offishness is what makes him think twice....I just did what I had to do, made some tea, threw my clothes in the dryer. He said "Are you working a double tonight?" I said "I was going to try" He said "Well it's *Red, White, and Boom* tonight (Which is the Downtown Columbus Fireworks) and he said "No one will probably be there. I said "Oh I forgot about that, you're probably right, it would probably be pointless." He said "Yeah...." I said "Okay, well then I guess I'm not" and started back to doing what I was doing, and he said "Well....guess I'll see ya later" I said "Yep, see ya".

So, I don't know what's going on, all I know is I am absolutely NOT getting my hopes up because he decided he needed to hold me last night, I'm going to keep doing everything that I have been doing, and I still take care of everything around the house, but I'm not catering to him, I'm backing off.....and I don't think he likes the implications.

-Caren

He was asking you to go to the Fireworks. Why didn't you want to go?
Why not say "Well, we could go and see how they are this year" or something. Why not meet a need for RC if it isn't too painful?

Caren, be the lighthouse and try to have compassion for him while he whirls and spins. He's all twisted out of shape, which I'm sure that's more obvious to you than anyone else.

He's in withdrawal but also has not committed to the M. He's committed to... nothing. One day he wakes up and can't imagine living with you. Later, he comes to bed and can't imagine living without you. As each feeling arrives, it feels like the answer. Emotions decide, while his intellect and morality take a fiver.

GC

Wanna-

No, he wasn't asking me to the fireworks...he was stating that no one would be at the restaurant tonight DUE TO the fireworks. We never go to Red White and Boom because it's always crazy down there....lots of shootings..ETC.

We go to the fireworks here in Grovetucky usually....but that's not until Sunday night.

Gray-

Yeah, I know, I'm trying to have compassion, but as I said, he seems to respond better when I'm a little more stand offish. I didn't pull away when he was holding me last night...but again, he woke up this AM and it was business as usual....I got a "I'll talk to you later".

I'm so affection starved I don't even know what to do with myself.

-Caren

Well both the kids are going to be gone this evening.....not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.

-Caren