I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS. I SAID "UNTIL I DIE".
I SAVED MYSELF FOR ONE PERSON.
I GAVE HER ALL OF ME.
Yes you did sign up for this. Worse, in sickness, poor. You did sign up for this Found. You said until you die. You have not died yet. I dont mean physically. I mean you havent died for your wife. It took me 3 years to understand what that means. Three years of yelling and being upset as you are now. God is trying to tell you something here, Found. He is trying to show you something. Are you listening...are you looking?
The biggest thing I learned about dying for my wife is that I cannot possibly fathom what Jesus did on that Cross that day. Take the pain you and I have felt through this one event, multiply it by EVERY sin our wives have committed. Then multiply that by the number of people who ever lived. And He took ALL of that on Himself and died for us.
You believe you dont deserve this, that you deserve better...but that is NOT the point. I am telling you...as a man, it is different for us. Our wives are not asked to die for us. But we are for them. So it is not about what we deserve.
Found, this is about grace. It is about getting to know a side of Jesus that you NEVER knew...and couldnt know without all of this pain. It is learning that strength comes in many forms...and sometimes it comes in taking on you what you dont deserve...and giving to someone else what they clearly dont deserve...and maybe dont even want.
Are you getting the picture?? Right now, this is NOT about your wife!! Jesus is trying to talk to YOU! Sure, He WILL take care of that woman. I can promise you that. But that is not your concern, especially right now. He is trying to get you to look Him straight in the eyes...to see who He really is.
I thought I knew Him before all of this happened. But after all of this and all He showed me, I realized I knew nothing. I realized that I had trivialized His pain, His suffering, His commitment to me. We see pictures and video of Jesus, looking sad and hurting a little up on that Cross. But Mel Gibson's movie changed a lot of that in my mind. It was great that it came out right in the middle of our mess. Because I walked into that movie a man saying "I dont deserve this." I walked out on my knees...and all I could say for days was "I am sorry." Sorry for putting Him up there. Sorry for the times I forget what He has done. Sorry for making Him put up with what He clearly did not deserve. Once I saw just an inkling of what He really went through, then what my wife has put me through pales in comparison.
What is He trying to tell you Found? This is about you right now. He wants you to die for your wife...die to yourself. Grace given in good times means nothing. Grace given when the recipient is still hurting you is the most incredible thing I have ever witnessed.
He is talking to you Found...are you listening?
I AM SO TIRED OF THIS. I JUST WANT HER TO COME HOME.
TO BE WHO SHE PROMISED TO BE.
This isnt about what you want now, Found. We all know what you want. Your wife knows what you want. Jesus knows what you want. Right now, this is about you and Him. What is He telling you?
YES, I AM SHOUTING!
I AM *-ING SCREAMING, CRYING, SHOUTING, ASKING GOD 'WHY?" POUNDING THE **** OUT OF THIS POOR NOTEBOOKS KEYS!!
I AM WEARY! IT JUST KEEPS COMING!
AAAAAUUUUUURRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHhh!
In His arms.
