So, I'm silly, huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Those were her (implied) definitions, not mine.

>I could do better.


AFTER a full night's sleep, my dear.

What about if you go to the ceremony and get disgusted with her at that moment....I'll bet she hasn't thought of that...wouldn't that be fun for all at the event?

Blech. I was right. It stinks like caca. I'd have been checking my shoes to make sure I'd not stepped in some after mowing....

Dude. Go to the museum. Go camping...toast mushmallows and cover yourself in DEET. Feed your soul instead of having it sucked out and then mashed. It's time to live for AD and Daughter........WW is not your eternal punishment...

...a life well lived...don't you want that, AD? A life well lived?

Wouldn't you rather be silly? I would.

If/when I loose my silly, you'll please take this old nag to pasture and put her down, right? Either that, or buy me some leggos. You can't not be silly with leggos or k'nex...it's just not possible.

I'll try silly. Maybe it will fit. Yes, I'll be deleriously silly every time I have contact with my W. You can see my enthusiasm for it. I need to be a little less abstract in my silliness.

Well, I tried.

Maybe next time.

-AD

BTW, I'm feeling a bit better. The cherries helped, but you guys (actually ladies) helped more.

Thanks,
-AD

I'd have come down on her like a grand piano for this. How dare she make demands on you! She should be ashamed and afraid to lay that kind of trip on you.

Let me hurt you. Let me demolish your life. And you'd better be my benefactor anyway. Nonsense!

Do what you do only for your sake. She expects you to be sugar daddy forever. I think she'll be back for more. She needs you, but won't give anything in return but pain.

Sorry, AD, I'm probably not helping. It just pisses me off. WS are scum.

Kimmy, sorry about this next bit... AD, I took Ambien when my thing first started and I couldn't sleep unless I bawled until I was exhausted. Come to think of it, I'm having lots of sleep troubles now. Thinking of seeing my doc about it again. I take half an Ambien, and I'm out in minutes.

GC

Thanks, GC,

She's been ringin' my phones a lot tonight. I've talked to her some. the only way to end the conversation is to hang up on her, unfortunately. I've done that twice at least tonight.

The last thing she said was "You are fat, stupid, blah blah blah".

Yeah, that'll inspire me to help her move and take her to Atlanta. Sure.
... and I'm not stupid. LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Well, I took the Melatonin thing and now I'm feeling strange. Maybe it's sleepiness. Actually, I felt like something was in my throat - not good - coughed some. Are these things safe? Well, I am sleepy, so I'll go give it a try.

g'night.

-AD

AD, hope you're asleep.

She called you fat and stupid?

AD, I think you should think seriously about laying down some real boundaries and ending any non-parenting-related contact with her. If you don't want to save your marriage, why let her go on hurting you and demanding things from you? What do you owe her?

GC

Agree.

There are always consenquences, unless someone takes them away. Don't take them away from her. She wants to be D'vd, then let her figure it out. Remember, it was her choice.

SS

8 hours. Not bad.

AD -

Let me say this about WW's. My WS didn't actually call me names, but she has done everything in the book to enable her EA with OM. And that includes trying to pull everything in the book that you can think of to try to make me sound bad.

My favorite....when our boys were little, I laid in bed with them EVERY NIGHT and read them a bedtime story, a Bible story, and prayed with them. In all the years that I did that, there were 2 (count'em - two) nights that I asked her to fill in for me because I was so tired from work.

Recently, in her ramblings about all my faults and failures, she brought up that TWICE I had actually asked her to read to the boys. We're talking like 15 years ago.

Also, she notes that when we got married (28 years ago), I liked to watch TV and she didn't.

So...don't be surprised at the verbal attacks. That, to me, is one of the best features of Plan B, you don't have to witness the A and you don't have to endure the attacks designed to enable the A.

You don't need that, and neither do I.

Georgia

How about some radical honesty - rigorous even?

W: We started this citizenship thing together - we should finish it together.

AD: Well, at one time you were committed to a marriage - I just didn't know there was OM involved in your life and I feel used - that you married me to become a citizen, and get all the goodies that come with everything I've done for you, and once you've used me up, you can go be happy with OM.

Well you can do that without me just as well. This will be one time you won't use me. And I won't hate myself in the morning for letting you use me one more time...

That's what this all boils down to AD - you hate yourself for letting her use you - that you participate in the destruction of AD's self-worth and manhood.

Or better yet - make sure you get something you want out of this - like custody of your daughter, with generous visitation for her - and you'll go along with her bid for citizenship - at least that way you'll know you are the one raising your daughter instead of OM.

AD:

Ah, yes... "Emotional Fusion" (David Schnarch, "Passionate Marriage" - a good read for a smart guy such as yourself!).

Pulls a good vacuum, doesn't it?

Believe me, I know of what you speak. You can only get beyond "letting yourself" be baited like that and used in that manner when you can. Not before.

I believe things like the sleeping pills may help. Focusing on the wonder of your DD's childhood will definitely help.

Work 2ward a goal of who you want 2 be and how you want 2 be.

And don't beat yourself up for your pace not living up 2 someone else's expectations (especially your STBXW's).

Gotta start packing for my trip...

-ol' 2long

Thanks friends for the kind comments.

I'm feeling better today.

I'm not sure the melatonin is a good idea, but I slept. Still a bit groggy, but that's normal for me. Maybe I'll go back and buy a lower dose. This was 5mg.

I went to sleep last night to the sounds of the phone insessantly ringing - in the other room. With the door closed, I could just hear it. Restful sound, really. This morning, it started up again. I'm not going to answer, not today.

My office phone is ringing now - outside call.


Actually, I'm used to WW's verbal attacks. This one was extremely mild. I hung up before she really got wound up. She used to call me names at least once a day at home. When I hear her do that, in my mind it reflects on her - doesn't much affect me. Her favorite used to be "Durok" (means "fool" in Russian) - also "Kaziol" ("Goat" - very insulting in Russian). "Idiot" was never far behind. (pronounced i-dee-OAT in Russian) From my point of view, when she does that - it just means that she's the kind of person who can't engage in reasonable discussion. It's her failure - and I don't feel insulted at all - although I never liked for DD to hear her Mom doing that.

Georgia,

You were a great dad - and still are. I'll confess that WW has most of the bedtime duty - has had for some time. I used to do more of it until about December or so.

KA,

There is no reasoning with her. It's better not to try. And she never admits that she ever wanted to marry me - or was ever committed to the marriage.

2,
Vacuum indeed! Negative aspiration!

You are right. Only I can stop being maniupulated and used that way. Mostly I have. Good luck to you on your trip. Stay safe. Do some father-son bonding. I hope Deep Impact is a real humdinger! Whats' the chance that the comet is of such low density that D-I just punches straight through it? I guess I could go read for a few minutes before I ask stupid Q's, LOL. Probably the thing is too big to punch.

------------
Now the cell is rigning - shows "home" on the display. I've got to change that. I'll have to think of something appropriate. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
------------

-AD

AD -

Thanks for the cool Russian lesson. I like it when I can learn something new.

I especially liked "Kaziol". How is that pronounced? Is it "cause-e-oil"?

Georiga

kuz-YO'L

enPHASis on the second syLABle.

also...

doo-ROCK

i-dee-OAT

... but Georgia, be careful how you use those. Some guy's likely to hit you with a vodka bottle if you're not. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I'm just thinking that Kaziol would be a good name for a Schnauzer, with the beard and all.

Of course, Jeb doesn't want to change names.

I know a few obscure Russian words.

I once called my W "zver" (not sure of spelling - even in the Russian dictionaries, I couldn't find it). It means something like "beast".

Nobody calls somebody "zver" - ever. (so says W) It really rocked her back on her heels to hear it suddenly come from me. I once heard a Russian guy call a bumble-bee "zver" after it stung him. It stuck in my mind. I should have forgotten it.

She has never forgiven me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I should not have done that. She got a lot of verbal abuse from her Mom growing up - and Russian makes it a deeper cut - especially as she doesn't hear much Russian from me.

<sigh>

We are all weak (says the guilty one, trying to blend in to the crowd). I'm not a pure saint. But, I think the ratio is about 100 to 1 - names she called me vs names I called her. Still... sorry to fall to her level.

-AD

Georgia,

Don't insult your dog, ok. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

-AD