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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016 |
It's sorta crazy cause she keeps begging her just to give her what she wants.
Ya’ know, she really doesn’t need anything from you to divorce you. She can do it all on her own.
If you “give in” to her, she can say you did not want the marriage either.
I am not as detached as you are when it comes to laying out the rules, cause the reaction is always so emotionally turbulent. I guess I have to do that though and stand the storm that will come.
Here is something the therapist from a men’s divorce group I attended told us.
There is a Coke machine outside his office. It’s kinda flaky and doesn’t always work correctly.
Someone will walk up to it and put money in and nothing happens. The machine just sits there.
They hit the side a little bit, push the coin return then try again. Nothing happens. The machine just sits there.
They try again. They hit a little harder, push the coins in faster or slower and generally get more upset. Nothing happens. The machine just sits there.
Now they are ticked off, kick the machine, get no soda, get no change and they walk off all ticked off.
The machine just sits there.
Be the Coke machine.
I will and must tell her that there will be no contact once she leaves unless the A is terminated - no contact.
I recommend you do not do this now. It WILL be construed as a threat by her. Don’t set things up in her mind until you are ready to do it. She will get them all skewed and misunderstand what your intent is.
The Plan B letter will explain exactly what no contact means and why you are doing it.
Right now, concentrate on ending all lovebusters and changing your “bad”/negative habits.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 841
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 841 |
good analogy Chris....
DogDad...you have to detach your emotions from your WW...they will not help you and will hurt you more likely.
You want your W back, a better marriage and W...so don't expend all this emotion on the alien you live with now. It is wasted.
Words and emotion have no effect in this sitch, actions do, your actions.
THink about it.
"Who are you" said the Caterpillar
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation.
Alice replied, rather shyly, "I--I hardly know, sir, just at present...At least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 40
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 40 |
I absolutely agree with both of you. Actions, my action, and my behaviors. Ending the lovebusters is my goal, and with one day down I am successful. Praying for tomorrow and strength. One day at a time. Thanks MTF
M 9 Yrs
WS W
BS H
DD 1 month
Still in contact
D filing
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