I am the same way - when I make a commitment, that is what I do. Too many times I've been put off by friends or others because something better came along. At that point you need to look at why you are willing to put up with that kind of disrespect.

In a dating situation, you'd have to wonder if the relationship turned into a committed one, would your mate ditch you for some other girl/guy? Not a stretch to think that a lack of ability to honor commitments when dating would continue and become an affair if you allowed yourself to form a more committed relationship with her/him.

CS

CS,

I thought the same thing... If we did get into a commited relationship, would I just be "good enough" until someone else came along? I don't want that.

Then why are you going back for more rotten feelings?

What part of yourself is making you continuously go back to feel rotten? should you get that part exorcised?

there is a great movie, "The sure Thing" which is about dating, and rejection and ultimately, selection. . .

rent it and see what you think about the motivations and the actions. . .

wiftty

when i called out all the original points in my post, one of the points that i was trying to make was that alot of what you typed, really has nothing to do with relationships, but what you typed had all to do with how you viewed yourself, and how you expected others should view you.

My point was, you can't control or expect how others will perceive you, you have to be you, and if the others don't like you or respect you, then find some new others. . .

wiftty

I was headed out to look for a movie for myself tonight.

I think I will check this one out!!!

Thanks,
Karona

WhenI,

I thought a lot about what you posted yesterday. At first it stung a little bit but after a while, it sunk in. I know I have good qualities but it may not be the qualities that everyone is looking for. And yes, what I posted wasn't really about relationships, it was more about me.

So, thank you for some good advice. It got me thinking. And yes, I will rent the movie.

As for the rotten feelings, I have not called her since the last time she stood me up and I am glad that I haven't.

Thanks,
Keith

A review in probabilities

OK, so in the forties, lets get the new relationship probabilities estimated:
At midlife, in easy round numbers:

80% of the population has been married once.
The other 20% of the population will never get married, or are predisposed to the same gender.

If the divorce rate is 50%, then 40% of the population is available again, assuming that all the divorces are MLC's in the late 30's and early 40's.

Of the 40% of the population remaining, 20% are of the opposite sex to you. . .

Of the 20% of the opposite sex available, you don't want to pick the WS and since we don'tknow the percentage of WS versus BS in the mix, we will assume its 50-50. Therefore, half of the 20% of the available population is 10%.

So, now in the 20's in college when very few were married, the available population was 50%, or all the opposite sex. Now the available pool is reduced to 10%.

In that 10 percent, there are 16 personality types. if you assume the best match is 2 letters different, then there are 7 out of 16 possibilities. . . .

which leaves a 4 percent availability pool. . . .

pretty depressing!

wiftty

wiftty - can you say some more about this? 2 letters different how? do you mean out of the four letters in the Myers Briggs, your partner should be different in two of them? does it matter which two?

I think the most important lesson here is to date a number of people at once. Look at it like they are interviewing for the job of being in a relationship with you. It is a HUGE mistake to just date one person. What if you spend several years, and then figure out they are not for you?

Much better to casually date several, and see what developes. You will know the keepers over time.

My 2¢.

She's just not that into you...

Sorry... I had to say it. But, I'm not really trying to be funny, cause I think it's true. Let's face it, if she were into you, she would be canceling plans with other people in order to spend time with you.

Ok... big deal... now you know. You could dump her if you want, and that might be the easiest thing to do. Or, you could try to increase her interest level in you, which may or may not work.

I don't know you, and I don't know a lot about your situation, but I'm going to take a guess based of my past experiences and what I know of human nature.

I'm going to guess you're a nice guy.

Not a bad thing, because deep down, women do want nice guys. The problem is, we tend to trip over ourselves in our niceness and completely miss the boat.

I also think your biggest problem is that you don't present enough of a challenge for this woman to appreciate you. Tell me, what exactly did this woman do to deserve a flower at work? Stand you up? Do you always reward people for treating you poorly?

You are "nice" to this woman. You do "nice" things for her. Think of "niceness" as money. You are giving her things of value.

The problem is...

What is she giving you in return? The "pleasure" of her company?!? Standing you up?!?

You can't buy love by giving away "niceness". It has to be a barter system. You have to expect things in return. Otherwise the value of your "niceness" decreases. Anything given away for free has the tendency to be perceived as holding little value despite whatever intrinsic value it held to begin with.

Now, I'm not saying that you should expect SF just because you bought her dinner. BUT, if I'm doing nice things for her, I EXPECT her to do nice things in return. If she's not doing nice things for me, then it is up to me to tell her that I want nice things from her. And if she still doesn't do nice things for me, then it's time for me to move on.

Standing you up is the opposite of nice. Tell her to stop or you're not going to ask her out.

Better yet, find someone else who already knows its not nice to stand people up. Much easier that way.

Good Luck!

Big Guy,

No problem, I know she isn't into me. She never really recepricated any of the things I did for her. This is all a learning experience for me.

Thanks for the response.

Keith

She is rude.