I really am afraid of moving to the bedroom. She is so adamant that I stay out of there. She doesn't even want me back there to use the closet, wants me to move my stuff to the other end of the house. I know if I push it she will leave. Am I better off with her leaving or me in the guest room? I notice she has even hidden all he pictures of us as a couple. Maybe they were reminders of the stupid things she has done.

Right now she is on the front porch on her cell phone and I am sure she is talking to sleaze ball. Yes, I look at the cell phone records and yes they talk all the time. She has admitted the affair so what can I say?

This girl doesn't want things to get better.

But I thought she said earlier that she would move unless you moved out completely?? Now you are back and the threat seems to have changed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Well, I think you have had enough excitement for one day. How about moving in tomorrow?

I intend to call her Dad on Thursday, that gives him time to get her Mom settled back in the house. Do I really tell her that I called him? I thought I might use the chicken way out and tell him to tell her that they suspect it. Also I sure don't want to make him angry and turn him against me. I think that would be fatal. My intent was to ask him what his supicions were and if he would like to hear MORE of the story. I'm into the soft sell here!

You could mention to her that you don't appreciate her calling the OM from YOUR home and would appreciate it she showed you a little respect. IN YOUR HOME.

Mel you're gonna get me hurt!

Hurts, you cannot afford the easier, softer way. You need to expose this affair and do it right. Asking him if he has suspicions is game playing. You can't afford to play games. You need his help and you need the impact from exposing her. She needs to feel the consequences of her affair.

So, call the man up and talk to him LIKE A MAN. Tell him, man to man, that your W is having an affair with XYZ and this is why you are having trouble. You are tryng to save your marriage and need his help. Could he use his influence and wisdom and have a chat with his daughter?

You can then wait to see if they have that chat. If he doesn't bring it up, it will be up to you to tell her you have told him. She must know that you have done this and she must know that her parents know in order for it to have the desired effect.

You can't afford to throw away this weapon, Hurts. This will cause great trouble in affair-land and will hasten it's end. You actually HELP the affair thrive by helping her keep her secret. Whose side are you on?

How big are ya? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sorry, I had to run an errand. OK, she can't hurt me that bad. By the way I'm 6 ft tall, but 30 pounds of me has disappeared since all this started.

I will call FIL tomorrow. He is a minister and VERY backward. I can't afford to turn him against me so I will feel him out and see how much wants to know and if I can rely on his help.

I am sure getting that hopeless feeling again. You really think she will come back someday?

Hurts, there are no guarantees but this is probably your best shot.

And good grief, a minister is not backwards! He, of all people, knows all about adultery. You need his help. He won't turn against you for telling him the truth. And if he did, well, shame on him! What kind of minister would do that??

Hurts, you need this exposure badly. He can be a great influence. You should not "feel" him out. Tell him the TRUTH.

OK, you've been right so far. Just in case you're wrong, are there any good single's sites? Kidding, I hope.

And tell me again that these threats are just threats. They sure seem real to me.

Well I think WE blew it this time. She just spent an hour telling me that she was having me served with papers as soon as she could make that happen. She said she doesn't love me, hasn't loved me for years and is deeply in love with the OM. She is VERY [email]pi@#ed[/email] that I came back. Said that I have now forced her to end the marriage. Told her good night as she stomped off to "her" room and she said "I hate you".

Man am I tired of being blasted with all this hate. I don't see how we will survive this week. May be time to give it up.

Well, not much sleep last night. I sure hope W comes to her senses soon. This sitch sure looks hopeless. She thinks I'm an idiot for trying so hard to want to save a marriage that she says doesn't exist. Nothing I say seems to help, she insists that she will have papers served this week. Any opinion? Time to give up?

LOLOLOL We hear this one DAILY on this forum! She is not even being original! I thought she was already "going to end the marriage" so how does moving home make a difference?

Wow, I can't believe she's not ecstatic that you are interfering with her affair set up. What gives?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Surprise, surprise...

Don't let her scare you off with her bully act, Hurts. They all do it. Tell her you are here to work on your marriage and don't plan on going anywhere. Smile sweeetly and leave the room. Hang tight, my man, and don't be scared of empty noises!

Sure hope you're right. I guess if she is serious, then I have to move on anyway.

I did tell her I wouldn't discuss a D and that if she would like to talk about the M that I was available. Seemed to make her all the madder. This morning I found some gifts that I had recently given her in the trash. I can't believe that after 23 years of M that she can be this cruel. Tough stuff!

Helps to talk, Thanks.

I will hang in, but see little hope.

Hurts, we have seem MUCH WORSE reactions than this on this forum that ended in happy marriages. Your situation was hopeless until you started taking charge of this mess by interfering with her little fantasy. Now, there really is hope becasue you are interfering with her affair.

You do understand that she is not going to give you an award and a hug and kiss for interfering with her affair, right? She is going to be FURIOUS and will do everything to scare you off. You are threatening to take the crack pipe away frm the crack head. Do you think they are going to be happy about it? HELL NO! But do you think your marriage has a chance in hell if you don't take the crack pipe away? No, it doesn't!

So, be prepared for more of this, hurts. The more you interfere with her affair, the angrier she will be. But, you must do this in order to save your marriage. You must do everything in your power to bust up this affair or you will have no marriage. So, isn't her fury worth it? Just remind yourself that enduring her fury is the best chance you have to save your marriage.

Now, are your finances protected from a potential plunder by her?

Hurts, you already HAD moved on, remember? You had moved out of your home. That got you NOWHERE real fast except gave her affair a chance to thrive.

We are still very co-mingled on the finances. I will stop the direct deposits. We have plenty of debt that needs to be addressed. Proceeds from the house, if it goes that far will have to cover.

She seems to be to the point that she is almost proud of the relationship she is having with the OM. In that case, exposure has little impact. I will talk to the FIL today, that is probably my last hope. I keep thinking that she will become ashamed at some point. Maybe she is just hiding it. She said that God brought her this happiness and I asked her if she thought God would approve of her actions.

Just read your link. Good stuff. I hope I didn't wait too long to come here for help. I guess I have done all I can do. Time to pray.

Hurts, she has been allowed by YOU to become proud of this affair because NO ONE has interfered with her little fantasy. She has been allowed to get this far with YOUR HELP. There have been no consequences and no splashes of cold reality, no interference in her little fantasy.

You gave it a false respectibility by moving out. You gave her the needed cover to have an affair, ie: "hurts left me so I am entitled to have friends."

This is why you MUST tell her father! And ask him to tell her mother. If there is anyone else who is influencial, you must tell them. Any friends or family members you can think of?

Be sure and tell everyone that this is a married man. I sure hope the OMW calls you back.

Secure your finances from her!