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P.S. if you want to read about a recent case where a marriage was brought back frm the gates of hell, go read up on BobPure. His wife was spitting mad, furious for quite some time and they are now happily reconciled. He followed the Marriage Builders principles and got his wife back. So, even if it seems hopeless to you now, I have seen too many cases like this end happily.
Just remember, you have to walk through the swamp to get out of the swamp, Hurts.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The OMW called her STBX instead of calling me. So I get from my alien, "Why are you calling OMW again, she thinks you're nuts". What a tangled web. The only other exposure will be her parents and I am here to tell you, they may not listen. But I will try.
I will protect the finances. I had already moved some money to keep it away from her. She was VERY angry about that, but I explained that when she started lying I really couldn't trust her to do anything right. My fear was she would pay off her car and leave me with all the other bills.
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I seriously doubt the OMW said you "are nuts," the infidels need to discourage you from contacting her. Either way, there is not much more you can do there if she wants to throw away her marriage. She will be of no help to you.
And her dad has to listen, if you tell him. So tell him, Hurts. And then MAKE DAMN SURE she knows that her parents know.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OK Mel,
I did it. The FIL and MIL now know the whole ugly story. I asked that they support me in talking with their DD and they assured me they would. He was upset, but as you said, wise to the ways of the world. Her sister is going over to the in laws house this aft and said she would bring up the topic. I am lucky to have these people's support.
I think the WW will get a pretty big surprise when she finds out how much these people that she looks up to, really care. Thanks again for your guidance.
Don't know where this journey will end, but the path is much clearer now.
PS. Can anybody tell me how to link this subject so I can send it to the good sister?
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OK Mel,
I did it. The FIL and MIL now know the whole ugly story. I asked that they support me in talking with their DD and they assured me they would. He was upset, but as you said, wise to the ways of the world. Her sister is going over to the in laws house this aft and said she would bring up the topic. I am lucky to have these people's support.
I think the WW will get a pretty big surprise when she finds out how much these people that she looks up to, really care. Thanks again for your guidance.
Don't know where this journey will end, but the path is much clearer now.
PS. Can anybody tell me how to link this subject so I can send it to the good sister? good job!
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Hurt,
I am very proud of you. You did great!
I am not sure I would tell the sister about this site yet. Blood is thicker than mud, and we are not sure where this is heading. You may want unfettered private advice for now. For if your wife knows about this site and is not yet prepared to reconcile, she may just use it to counteract your actions. The important thing is that your in-laws know that you are doing everything in your power to save the M.
Again, I think you are doing the best you can.
Be sure to read Mel's post on not expecting a Medal. Read that post and Gramm's for an idea of what to expect next.
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Thanks Pep, UVA
Didn't think about that angle of giving out this site, I think we'll just keep it a secret. Good advice UVA. I did read Mel's post on the medal. I relly didn't expect one, heck I didn't even get a Father's Day card! I sent her a beautiful bouquet on Mother's day and was reprimanded for it! Damn aliens! Is Gramm's post recent?
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Good job, Hurts! You are turning into a knight from a serf! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> [I learned that awesome phrase from bobPure - he said he became a knight instead of a serf when he faced his fears and exposed his wife]
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Gramm's sitch been going on for a while, but you can check the last two weeks, about when he started exposing his WW's A.
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I feel more like a knight in rusty armor. The venom that comes from the mouths of aliens is horrible. I can stand here and take the abuse, but later I feel like crap. I hope this ridiculous fantasy of hers ends soon.
I went to the director of HR at our company, a very understanding and compassionate lady. She said there is no official company policy, but she is going to have a talk with my W. That worked so good I may try to visit with our division vice president.
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Well it looks like they are at it as I speak. She was to go to see her family, out of town tomorrow morning. At first she told me she was leaving today after work. Looks like she is giving the OM a little going away party. Can't prove anything, but that is what it looks like. She told her sister that she wouldn't be leaving until the morning. All I know is she's not home . Oh well more hurt.
So when she gets to her parents, probably Saturday, and finds out they know all I think I will get a phone call. Do I answer and take the verbal abuse over the phone, or should I wait until she returns? I suppose she could want to appologize after daddy gets hold of her, but I sure don't see that happening. Any opinion?
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She probably will not be able to contain herself after talking to her family and will most likely contact you before she returns. She will be very upset, and you should expect all kinds of venoms to come out of her mouth. It is probably better to hear it over the phone bits by bits than wait for all of it to come out at once when she gets home. So my advice is to answer her call(s) but expect the worst. No LB's, just keep reiterating that you are trying to save your M. Do not engage in any talk about divorce. My $0.02.
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Thanks for the response. It helps to vent here rather than dwell on the obvious. I know I won't be able to sleep, so here we are. I think you are right about taking the calls in small doses instead of one big blow out. This morning when I asked her on the phone if she was leaving tonight and then I tripped her up.... She became quite venemous and I told her that wasn't my wife talking that it was the devil. I guess that would be an LB and boy did she get pi##ed!
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Hurts! Don't be telling her she is the devil! Good grief!
I think you should take her calls from her parent's house. Be prepared for the following venom:
1. how could you do this to my parents??
[dear, I simply wanted them to be as happy about your affair with a married man as you are. Were they not happy?]
2. I wasn't going to get a divorce but now I am for sure!
She will be spitting mad, so just brace yourself! You are doing great!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ALSO........her little visit will be an opportune time to move back into YOUR BEDROOM. Change the sheets and move your clothes back in there. You are married, remember?
So when she comes home inform her that you have moved back into your bedroom. You are a married man and have no reason to vacate your own room.
If she doesn't want to sleep with you, she can move into the guest room. Tell her she doesn't need to worry about you trying to have relations with her, because you wouldn't even consider it until she is tested for STDs.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Mel,
I might have blown that plan too. In one of her hurtful rages before she left she said, would you please not sleep in my bed while I am out of town. I calmly replied that I would have no reason to if she were not in there.
Mel, I thought of a possible problem for you. With nearly 10,000 posts you will surely go to heaven some day. The problem might be some unhappy WS's you might run into there. But then again, there probably won't be many of them! LOL
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God will probably ask me why I was on the computer so much! lol
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Move back to your room anyway. Don't let her dictate your actions. You may have made a mistake by giving in too soon, but you don't have to continue on that same course.
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In one of her hurtful rages before she left she said, would you please not sleep in my bed while I am out of town. I calmly replied that I would have no reason to if she were not in there. Spitting mad wife says: ... "I told you not to go into my bed!" You say .... "I changed my mind when I changed the sheets." then drop it. She cannot tell you where to sleep. "I am sleeping in OUR marriage bed as your husband. Join me in OUR bed as my wife when you decide to be my wife again."
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Help again! Is it time for plan B or do I defend myself in plan D? WW is not back from her family's yet. It appears she stopped off to see the OM before heading home. She has told her family that it is over and she wants nothing more to do with me. OUCH. How do you discard someone after 23 years of love and devotion????
I am so hurt and in such turmoil I can't think. Do I suggest that she get an apartment? I know she has been looking. I also don't think she can make ends meet on her income. She may have to find out on her own.
Do I Plan B, and end all contact?
Should I get a lawyer? I can make this D an ugly affair, I think. Should I do that?
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