Cymanca, for want of a better term, I suggested Joe send a letter telling her not to contact him and that he is moving on. He has been at this for 18 months and is weary. I think he needs to cut off all contact and withdraw from her. I did not tell him to do a Plan B letter to "save his marriage," necessarily, but to remove himself from her drama.

I will add that I think there is a long shot that her affair with the OM might really end this time. It was on its last leg the last time she came home.

He DID, in fact, follow through on his last Plan B letter. She ended her affair with the OM, so I am not sure why you think he didn't. And I am not sure why you think it didn't work in the past, IT DID! She ended her affair and came home! However, it was a false recovery and now she is back in the affair. But he could not foresee that.

Joe, how about boxing it all up, putting it in the garage, and sending her a certified letter telling her to pick up on such and such date or it will be donated to Salvation Army? That way you can avoid any contact with her and get her crap out of there.

JoeC and Mel,

Sorry for shooting off my mouth er... keyboard without all the past info. Mea culpa....

My reading of the recent posts gives a strong impression of the opposite of what apparently really happened.

Again my profound apologies!

it's ok, Cymanca! I sure do miss your posts and wish you would come around more often. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey Guys,
It's a pretty confusing sitch isn't it. Mel knows better than even myself when it comes to my drama. I look to you all because you are so knowledgable and look at things from outside this box I'm in. I appreciate all the input.
She called yesterday, after she'd recieved my email about putting closure on this. It was a shortened version of a plan B I guess.

She was very upset, and we ended up exchanging a few words over the phone. I had told her I was through with being treated like this, I can't take it anymore, and if she wants to leave to just leave already. She said I wasn't being fair...LOL... me not fair? It's all so crazy even I can't believe the things I hear sometimes.

She says I'm pushing her to move her things, while I'm taking my time with the financial end. And she wasn't too happy to hear I'd changed the locks again. She said "I thought it wasn't going to be like this, I thought we were going to stop hurting each other". I told her I wasn't trying to hurt her, but rather protect myself from her hurting me. WS's are so foggy.

She said "what do you want me to do? Maybe I fell out of love with you a long time ago". Fog, fog, fog... In february she was begging me to let her stay here and telling me how much she loved me and couldn't let me go. She says she was just confused then. Imagine that, now she's not confused anymore? Yep!!!

Why does one think they've fallen out of love when in fact they've merely allowed themselves to fall into lust with someone else? All of the sudden she believes she fell out of love with me years ago? That's how we justify all the betrayal and lies? Hmmm!

One day she will come out of the fog and realize what has happened here, this I'm sure of.

I sent her another letter explaining my intentions for the house, and made her an offer for it. I reexplained my position on things and asked that we get this over with so that I can move on with my life. Haven't heard from her yet. She's probably conspiring with OM over what I wrote. So be it. I am weary, very weary of all of this.

Thanks for listening.

That really is pretty amazing that she actually said this. yikes! Translation: I want you to bend over and take it without complaint so I don't have to face your grief. Let's be "friends!" [ie: as if you want a "friend" who lies, cheats and betrays you!]

Anyway, Joe, Plan B is supposed to mean NO CONTACT. That means don't pick up the phone or read her emails, my friend! Talking to her defeats the whole point of detaching from her and giving her a fix. No contact, Joe!

I know Mel, I did a stellar plan B last summer. I know what it takes. But we still have to go over finances and get the house into my name, this will mean some sort of contact. I will try to keep it short and sweet.

I've been thinking, and this time it seems I just might really be letting go for good. Can a person who does this to me ever truly be trysted again? So sad, but true. This one person that was always right there for me, always trustworthy and loyal, can she ever come back from this evil? I just don't know. I tell myself she just doesn't know what she's doing, but even that is wearing thin.

I just wanted things to work out, it meant everything to me. I know in time things will get better for me, but I'll never forget the love her and I once shared, for at least 17 of the 18 years we've been a part of each others' lives. It really was something special...

Joe,

Move all her things into the garage. Next time she shows up for some of it, let her pack her car and you start moving the rest into the driveway, and let it remain there until she removes all of it. The weather will give her incentive to get it fast and if she does not move it, it will be ruined by her own doing. Storage problem solved. She will then have no reason for continued contact with you. She is using her belongings so that she has a safety net. Take control of your live and "just do it".

So I'm supposed to just sit here and wait until she feels like getting her things?

It's been 5 days since I last wrote an email to her regarding her things, and making an offer on the house...still no response. I just wait? Or do I write again and push? Somebody please...any advice?

Joe, I told you what I thought. I thought you should pack up her stuff, put it in the garage, and tell her to get it out by XYZ or it was going to the Salvation Army.