Hi, chasterwebb.

Please consider doing the following.

Unplug the computer. Disconnect the monitor, keyboard and mouse.

Take just the main 'box' to the police. Tell them that you saw some child pornography on it, and you don't know how it got there or what to do. Which, as I understand it, is true; you don't know how it got there or what to do.

They can sort it out. Don't try to tackle this yourself.

All the best,
Gimble

Take just the main 'box' to the police. Tell them that you saw some child pornography on it, and you don't know how it got there or what to do. Which, as I understand it, is true; you don't know how it got there or what to do.

They can sort it out. Don't try to tackle this yourself.
Very good suggestion!

The problem for her is the images are on disketes that were in the drawer. It's sort of hard to explain how they leaped from the computer to the drawer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Chaster,

Just trying to find any potential reason your H might have this disk, other than the obvious. Is it possible he might have copied this to document someone else's computer activity, possibly at work, etc...

I have to agree with Gimble.

It should be reported as it can help find the people that created the child porn which is the bigger issue.

As to how it got there, that will be between you and your husband...and a councellor to help out as if it did get there by your husband than he will need alot of prayers and alot of help.

Calling the police to accuse your husband before you know might not be the idea. But the police should still be informed as they can perhaps help the children being photographed.

As for your bedroom acts - two concenting adults can do anything they want as long as it isn't harming children, or eachother more than they concent. he can't "take you down" for that - that is two concenting adults practicing something they share together.

But as for the child porn...before you have all the facts, jumping to conclusions are dangerous.

Call the Harleys, call a professional and consider doing what Gimble suggested with the Computer Tower.

I am very positive it is his... 100%

???
If he's not a cop (or the IT guy at work), it doesn't matter.
And if he IS the IT guy at work, he knows exactly what he should do with it and making copies is NOT part of the process.

ok... I suppose I could. My guess is you saw my dealing with something I felt.. as an attack, yes? Fine.. I will start a thread. Should be interesting.

Just thought I'd throw in some things here...

Here is a website with some very good advice for the family and frineds of those with a child porn addiction...

http://www.childlustrecovery.org/family_friends/index.html


I would suggest you check to see if he is on your state/county/city's sex offender list. Who thinks to look at this of our mates?

One other thing to think about. I'm not sure of exactly the legality of this but I'll be willing to bet that if you confront him about this disk and hte behavior continues or the disk remains and he is arrested one day, and it is proven you knew about it and did nothing to report him...you could be arrested too for complicity (right word?)

I think you will have to play this by ear very carefully tonight and either work with him together and with full disclosure, or work separately and consider him the enemy that will take you down with him...

You can call anonymously one of childrens' watchdog organization for advice...


http://www.cyberangels.org


http://www.ecpat.net/eng/CSEC/faq/faq5.asp

Hope this helps.

I guess most people don't understand IF she calls a Counselor, Dr. Harley or whoever, THEY ARE REQUIRED BY LAW TO REPORT IT TO THE POLICE!!

So she may as well be the one who makes the call...

Chaster, you are waaay in over your head with this. Please do avail yourself of the resourses provided especially the hotline. I KNOW this is an awful shock but you are a MOTHER now and you have got to get to the bottom of this, for your baby's sake not to mention your own. You worry that your marriage will be over if you involve outsiders but the bottom line is that if your H is not confronted and held to account for these disks, your marriage and life will be over anyway.

He is TWELVE years your senior and I'm guessing you are "girlish" in appearance. I will go even further out on a limb and say that you are most likely the submissive in the BSSM. Now you have a real life baby girl which means you are not going to be his "baby girl" for that much longer. Chaster, please get some help, I know that you love him but how much do you really know about him?

I have copied the following article which is based on FBI profiles of pedophiles. It is up to you to read it and see how your H fits. I have bolded two things in particular....the marrying of women and the collection of child porn. My heart breaks for you Chaster and I have been litterally sick to my stomach over this sitch of yours. I haven't read the whole thread so forgive me if I am repetative but SERIOUSLY you are in a very unhealthy situation. Would you be willing to share some background on you and your H? I'm so sorry for this in your life, please seek outside asistance beyond this forum.

When you talk to him, DO NOT tell him you are posting here, erase the history and the temporary files to cover yourself. You need to have support to get through whatever comes in your direction Chaster! KB


************************************************************This paper will generally identify and recognize common profiles of sexual predators, and more specifically, will discuss their patterns of behavior and well-developed techniques on gaining access to child victims. Much of the paper will include information from a behavioral analysis report, prepared by Kenneth V. Lanning of the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) Behavioral Sciences Unit. Finally, the paper will address two important cases recently decided by the Florida Supreme Court regarding clergy sexual misconduct and the separation of church and state.

II. FOUR MAJOR CHARACTERISTICS OF A PEDOPHILE
In his report, Kenneth Lanning describes four major characteristics of pedophiles. They consist of 1) long term and persistent pattern of behavior, 2) children as preferred sexual objects, 3) well-developed techniques in obtaining victims, and 4) sexual fantasies focusing on children. Lanning, Kenneth, “Child Molesters: A Behavioral Analysis,” 3rd Edition (1992). Lanning points out that, although each indicator listed below, and contained under each of the four major characteristics, means very little alone, “their significance and weight comes as they are accumulated and come to form a pattern of behavior.”

A. Long-term and Persistent Pattern of Behavior
1. Sexual Abuse in Background
Although most victims of child sexual abuse do not become offenders, research indicates that many offenders are former victims. Therefore, it is important to investigate a pedophile's background, including interviewing family members, friends and acquaintances to determine if the individual has ever been the victim of sexual abuse and to find out what the nature of the abuse was (i.e. the age it occurred, relationship with the offender, acts performed, etc.) Unfortunately, such in depth background investigation would be impossible when screening potential candidates for employment situations.

2. Limited Social Contact as Teenagers
A pedophile's sexual preference for children usually begins in early adolescence. For that reason, during his teenage years, a pedophile may have exhibited little sexual interest in people his own age. Of course, as with several of the indicators provided, that fact alone means little.

3. Prior Arrests
In many cases, pedophiles have been previously arrested for child molestation or sexual abuse. Such an arrest record is a major indicator if the arrest goes back many years or is repeated. Interestingly, however, Lanning also states that pedophiles may have arrest records that do not appear to involve sexual abuse. These arrests might include impersonating a police officer, writing bad checks, violating child labor laws, or other violations that may indicate a need to investigate further. A thorough criminal background check is necessary to elicit any prior arrests and/or convictions.

4. Frequent and Unexpected Moves
Oftentimes when a pedophile is identified, they are “asked” to leave town by someone in authority, the parent of one of the victims or by an employer. This was, and still is, a common way to deal with the problem. Therefore, pedophiles often show a pattern of living in one place for several years with a good job and then suddenly and for no apparent reason moving and changing jobs. The pedophile will usually have an explanation for the move, however, it will most likely not reflect the true circumstances. Most of the time, investigators will find no official record of what happened. Therefore, if possible, an investigator may try to contact neighbors, co-workers and acquaintances located in the pedophile's prior city of residence. The individual's moving pattern can sometimes be determined from examination of driver's license records or internet search results.

5. Premature Separation From the Military
At times, one may find that a pedophile was dishonorably discharged from the military for molesting children. However, it is far more common for this type of individual to be prematurely separated from the military with no specific reasons given or available. Like most organizations, the military was frequently interested in only getting rid of pedophiles and not necessarily prosecuting them.

6. Multiple Victims
Most of the time, pedophiles have victimized more than one child. Therefore, if only one victim is known and there is reason to believe that the sexual predator is a pedophile, it is more than likely that other victims may be present and could come forward on their own, or if questioned by law enforcement or investigators.

7. Planned, Repeated or High-Risk Attempts
According to Lanning, “Bold and repeated attempts to obtain children that have been carried out in a cunning and skillful manner” is a strong indicator that an individual is a pedophile. Oftentimes, the danger element of being apprehended excites the pedophile and as he becomes more successful at gaining access to children in different ways, he begins to gain more confidence at his skill and, therefore, partakes in higher risk attempts.

B. Children as Preferred Sexual Objects
1. Over 25, Single, Never Married, Does Not Date
Although this indicator, by itself, means nothing, it has significance only when combined with other characteristics of a pedophile. Often, pedophiles do not marry and have trouble performing sexually with adults due to their sexual preference for children. They may also have very little dating experience. However, some do marry, so that they may have access to children of their own, step-children and/or friends and acquaintances of the children in the home.

2. Lives Alone or With Parents
Of course, the fact that a man or woman lives alone does not mean that he or she is a pedophile. However, an individual that lives alone and who possesses many of the other characteristics provided in this paper should be considered.

3. If Married, A “Special” Relationship Exists With Their Spouse
According to Lanning, male pedophiles that do marry often marry either “a strong, domineering woman or a weak, passive woman-child.” Either way, male pedophiles most often marry women who do not have high sexual expectations or needs.

4. Excessive Interest in Children
Although it is difficult to determine if a substantial amount of interest shown to a child or children is excessive, Lanning states that the old adage “If it sounds too good to be true, maybe it is” may apply. Of course, this may be difficult to determine if the pedophile is employed in a position in which he primarily deals with children, such as a youth counselor or child care worker. Evidence that the individual spends a great deal of time outside of work with children may be more indicative of a problem.

5. Young Friends and Associates
Many pedophiles frequently socialize with children and become involved in activities that young people are interested in. They often spend a substantial amount of time at schools, arcades, malls and other places that children frequent. Depending on the age and gender preference of the pedophile, they most often have friends that are very young or may be teenagers.

6. Limited Peer Relationships
Most pedophiles have very few close adult friends because they are unable to share the most important part of their life (their sexual interest in children) with most adults. Oftentimes, however, if a pedophile has a close adult friend, there is the possibility that the friend may also be a pedophile. As Lanning states, “Only other pedophiles will validate their sexual behavior.” Again, speaking with neighbors, co-workers and acquaintances may elicit important information about the pedophile's social relationships.

7. Age and Gender Preferences
According to Lanning's findings, most pedophiles prefer children of a certain sex in a certain age range. Pedophiles that are attracted to toddlers are more likely to molest boys or girls, while pedophiles attracted to teenagers are more likely to molest either boys or girls, exclusively. Most of the time, how old a child looks and acts is more important than the child's actual age. Therefore, a pedophile who prefers children 8-10 years of age, may target a 13 year-old child who looks and acts like a 10 year-old child. Nevertheless, most pedophiles do not molest, or attempt to molest, children who have gone through puberty.

8. Refers to Children as “Clean,” “Pure” or “Innocent”
Since pedophiles often have an idealistic view of children, it is common for a pedophile to refer to children by the adjectives provided above. On the other hand, some pedophiles refer to children as if they were “objects, projects, or possessions.” According to Lanning, typical comments by pedophiles include, “This kid has low mileage” and “I've been working on this project for six months.”

C. Well-Developed Techniques in Obtaining Victims
1. Skilled at Identifying Vulnerable Victims
Although some pedophiles can observe a group of children for a short period of time and choose a target, many develop their skills in selecting victims through practice and experience. Most of the time, victims are from a broken home or have been emotionally or physically neglected. Oftentimes, children of low-income families, in which there may only be one parent present in the home, are targeted by pedophiles, especially if there is not a male figure present in the child's life.

2. Identifies with Children
Most pedophiles identify with children better than adults. Typically, they know how to listen to children better than most other adults. As Lanning states, many pedophiles are described as “pied pipers” who attract children.

3. Access to Children
In order to gain access to children, most pedophiles place themselves in situations in which they will often be around young people. Pedophiles may not only marry to gain access to children, as mentioned above, but may befriend a woman for the sole reason of getting closer to her children. In addition, a pedophile may become employed at a job where he will be in the presence of many children (teacher, camp counselor, babysitter). He may even become involved in a position where he can eventually specialize in dealing with children (minister, doctor, dentist, police officer, social worker). As Lanning mentions, “the pedophile may also become a scout leader, Little League coach, and so on.” Of course, sexual abuse by many pedophiles that are in positions described above have led to the increase in lawsuits against such institutions as churches, schools and charitable organizations.

4. Activities with Children, Often Excluding Other Adults
Another common characteristic of a pedophile is that he is always attempting to get children in situations where there are no adults present. As an example, Lanning mentions that on a scout hike, a pedophile might suggest that the fathers go into town for a beer, while he will “sacrifice” and stay behind with the boys. Another example may be a pedophile “volunteering” to stay home and babysit or take the children to a Disney movie.


5. Seduces Children with Attention, Affection and Gifts
Lanning states that this is the most common technique utilized by pedophiles. They develop a closeness and trust through paying attention, listening and talking to children, oftentimes when others will not. Buying gifts, such as toys, video games and candy is also part of the “seduction” of the child. As indicated above, children from single parent, low-income families are often “easy” targets for pedophiles. Many of them have never had certain material possessions and are easily swayed by such things as gifts and trips to fun places that they have never been. Like most children, they crave attention and enjoy fun activities.

6. Skilled at Manipulating Children
Most pedophiles are very skilled at manipulating people, specifically children. As Lanning states, pedophiles use “seduction techniques, competition, peer pressure, child and group psychology, motivation techniques, threats and blackmail.” Once a pedophile succeeds in lowering the inhibitions of a child, he can more easily take advantage of the child. Frequently, a pedophile will ask children to sleep over his house so that they may change their clothing and, therefore, will be more easily seduced. Oftentimes, sexual molestation at these “sleep overs” may take place with other children, or even the pedophile's wife, close by. With others present, it not only provides the pedophile with a defense (i.e., how could anything have happened when there were so many others present?), but also adds a danger element to the seduction and abuse.

7. Has Hobbies and Interests Appealing to Children
As Lanning states, this indicator must be “considered for evaluation only in connection with other indicators.” A pedophile may collect toys, have a strong interest in video games or perform as a clown to attract children. The pedophile may also pretend to be interested in activities, toys or games that the specific child that he is targeting is interested in.

8. Shows Sexually Explicit Material to Children
It is common for pedophiles to show children sexually explicit material in order to lower their inhibitions. As part of this seduction process, a pedophile may send a child a sexually explicit picture via a computer or encourage the child to call a dial-a-porn service.


D. Sexual Fantasies Focusing on Children
1. Youth-Oriented Decorations in House or Room
According to Lanning, “the homes of some pedophiles have been described as shrines to children or as miniature amusement parks.” Oftentimes, a pedophile's house will contain games, toys, posters and other objects that children are attracted to. Children will more likely want to spend a substantial amount of time at a house that has such attractions. They, as well as some adults, may think that the adult pedophile is just a big kid.

2. Photographing of Children
Although one might think that a pedophile is only interested in photographs of children undressed, Lanning indicates that it is common for pedophiles to enjoy viewing photographs of children fully dressed. He provides an example of a pedophile that bragged that he went to a rock concert with thirty or forty rolls of film in order to photograph young boys. After he developed the film, he fantasized about having sex with them. It is not uncommon for pedophiles of this nature to frequent playgrounds, child beauty pageants or athletic contests involving young children in order to take pictures of the children. With the invention of digital cameras, it is now possible for a pedophile to store and view his pictures on his computer.

3. Collecting Child Pornography
According to Lanning, it is very common for pedophiles to have extensive collections of books, photographs, movies, magazine, toys, games and other things that relate to children in a “sexual, scientific or social way.” While most child pornography is used by pedophiles in absence of a child being present, oftentimes, a pedophile will show a child the pornography in order to lower the child's inhibitions. Lanning explains that a child who is reluctant to engage in sexual activity with an adult or to pose for sexually explicit photos can sometimes be convinced by viewing other children having “fun” participating in the activity. Oftentimes, pedophiles exchange child pornography with other pedophiles, as part of an effort to gain reinforcement and validation from others for their behavior.

Pedophiles frequently organize and collect much of their pornography on their computers. According to Lanning, many pedophiles are “compulsive record keepers” and store and retrieve names and addresses of victims and other pedophiles. They also use computers to communicate with other pedophiles and to locate others, including children, with similar interests.

Chaster, this is the profile of a pedophile which is something that must be considered. One thing they didn't mention is that there are types of pedophiles who are both attracted to children and adults. The type we usually think of is the child only offender. Either way, possessing child porn is indicative of something wrong. Please find out as much as you can and remember your H has himself to protect....it is YOUR job to protect yourself and your little baby. You are a grown up Mom now, you can do this. KB

That is what I was saying earlier, just because you are going to a counselor they cannot keep confidential something that is considered a crime against children.

Chris,

As the (IT Guy) at work more specifically ISSM I am well aware of the proper procedures. This does not mean there is no reason one person gathering evidence on another's computer activity could not happen.

Again I was just trying to assist in reasoning why this disk may have been created "other than the obvious".

I'm so sorry, chaster...

I've read all of these posts. I thought hard about how you could effect a positive outcome without involving law enforcement. Sadly, I don't know if you can.

I am occasional consumer of porn. However, I think there's distinct difference between that and pedophilia. The occasional, unintended stumble across a picture would be understandable, but these picture were SAVED.

He has a serious problem, chaster. A problem that is more difficult to treat than drug addiction. Sadly, JMHO, I see no future for a marriage and family with him. You'll never be able to trust him with your children (even if he's never really done anything untoward).

I offer you a similar path to what Tom offered earlier.

1) You must immediately proceed to a shelter until you can estabslih alternate residence. You and your child cannot live with him.

2) Speak to a lawyer to determine your actual culpability to determine if you can afford the next step...

3) Store the information safely. Explain to him that there is no future for you and him, but there are two conditions that must be met to prevent you from going to the police immediately: a) He must immediately enroll in a qualified treament program and provide you with proof of his sessions, and b) he must agree to supervised visitation only with your child.

Be firm. If he balks at either of these conditions, go to the police immediately.

Pedophilia cannot be cured...only controlled.

Would you collect & sit on "evidence" for ANY amount of time before contacting management/authorities?
Probably not.
And would you bring "evidence" home with you?

Dear Chaster,

I’ve been a lurker on this site for over a year, but after reading the first 7+- pages of your post I felt I had to register and reply as you are receiving some inappropriate advice. Hopefully someone has chimed in with similar sentiments, as it is very slow for me to respond from work. Do NOT call the police first. I’ve worked with the police, and my best friend is a career border guard. A “child porn” accusation on someone's record does not go away, ever, and could adversely effect all areas of one’s life (job, travel, friends, marriage…). Calling the police is still an option, just not the FIRST option.

There are three overlapping areas of concern here:

1) Protect yourself and your children.
2) Getting help for your husband.
3) Protecting society.

There are many ways to accomplish each of the above, and it is best to involve professionals in each case, but here’s my two bits given your current situation.

1) Involve a trusted third party (preferable someone impartial) to confide in. Make copies of the disks, put in sealed envelope, and give to third party.

2) Confront your husband – POJA on how to best get help for him. Raise your concerns. Have third party present (preferred – keeping your safety paramount).

3) Protect society – Many people are making suggestions that fall into this area. Well intended, but potentially very detrimental to all involved. The Police will not help your husband curb this addiction (if that’s what it is) or help your marriage/children (unless you already feel unsafe). Giving the disks or computer to the police will not help catch the bad guys, that will just open a HUGE can of worms.

I would suggest that after you talk with your husband, and come up with a plan that you’re satisfied and comfortable with (one that includes professional counseling) give the source http address (or wherever your husband got the child porn from) to the authorities – “We saw this and thought you should be aware…” type of thing.

If things deteriorate or you do not feel safe after confronting your husband, the police is still an OPTION – there will be other options as well.

Best of luck and my heart goes out to you,

AbraKaPokus

[editted to fix many typos]

If Chaster calls the police, she risks losing her marriage to a man who she should NEVER feel safe leaving with their own child.

If she doesn't call the police, she risks the POSSIBILITY that he could molest her child or someone alses, and she risks his continued action as an ACCOMPLICE to the child molesters who are using these children for their sexual pleasure.

Which seems like the better option?

And from everything I've ever heard or read, child molesting and child porn often go hand in hand, and someone with an interest/addiction to child porn will often eventually become a child molester.

Is that a risk YOU would be willing to take with YOUR child?

http://www.cybertipline.com

Here are some resources that might help.

chaster, I am sorry you find yourself in this position, but I am affraid for you and your child.
As a past victim of child molestation I can only ask you to really consider getting help for your husband ASAP. Nobody ever reported the people who abused me, everybody turned their heads away, and as an indefense child I was left to be eaten by the wolves.

Child pornography is an awful crime, watching it is just as bad as distributing it, and you never know when the line between fantasy or action might get fuzzy, putting your own child in danger.

Get your husband help please.

Edit: Also remember that most of the child molestation cases involve somebody within the family of the abused child, and many go unreported because the family overlooks the abuse or won't say anything. Be alert, be decisive, and keep your eyes wide open.

People, do you realize that the police and the criminal justice system is not a “help oriented” organization? They work hard, they are great men and women, but by the time problems get to them they have to act (arrest->charge->convict->incarcerate = (PUNISHMENT)).

I’m not saying that there isn’t a place for punishment, but you people that are saying, “help the husband” in the same post as “call the police” are suggesting putting out a fire with gasoline.

Again, the criminal justice system is an option and it may be the appropriate option in this case after she gets some more information and background, but it’s not the best first option.

AbraKaPokus

Are you suggesting that someone who downloads and saves and participates in child porn, thereby participating in the molestation and abuse of children does not deserve punishment????????????????????????

chaster has said repeatedly that she is 100% sure the discs are his. What possible excuse is there for storing discs full of child porn in your desk? Only an IDIOT would hold onto that if they weren't his.

I am so SHOCKED by the posters who think that this man should be "helped" rather than reported to the police. Report first, help later. Help the CHILDREN first, help the criminal later.