Thanks Mel for the comments. I guess I think that if I can say something, show him something that is undeniable, he would come clean and we could talk about the whole thing. But I guess he is never going to be one to do that. As much as I need it done.

About his being on the road all the time, I am sure his A had alot (all) to do with that decision back this winter. I am supposed to go with him next time. In fact, he says that he wants me with him all the time. This I do not want to do. The perfect stitch would be go sometimes, stay home sometimes. But the staying home is where the problems happen. duh - I just don't know what to do about any of this.

I would love to talk with SH but what would I say ? Do I write the main things down first ? Write as he advises me ? I have never really planned to do this. Whenever I think about it, then I think everything is going to be ok and forget about it. Yes, I know, it is NOT going to be ok. denial, denial

Thanks so much. Carnation

Carnation, I think Steve has you fill out a questionaire beforehand. He is very good and could give you a PLAN.

So, your choices are to become a truck driver with your H so you can babysit him or stay home and endure his affairs. I just don't see how those are feasible options, Carnation. I don't see how this is going to ever work with him being on the road. I think Steve could help you with this and give you some good direction.

Car I need to tell you soemthing - The second OW was young in her 30's young 30's. I started pointing out these older men married to young women. The guys all tlaked about these guys and how young their wives were - babes you know. Then I pointed out how he had the child and babysat. How all of us wives just laughed and laughed at these older guys with the young wives. How they said I do not want children until they got PG. The young wives are off having fun while Dad ( or should I call him granpa Dad) is babysitting and running after babies. With their faces all red ect. Then it really hit him he was turning 59 and it hit him right between the eyes. I said ok you go for her and have a good life. I know I will but I'll be the one out having fun and you'll be babysitting and wondering who she is with while you work all day till your 90 and she is out having A's. It worked he got terrified and stopped coming on to this b$tch. She stopped coming around. Now the 1st OW is my age so that one I still worry about.

Oh I forgot to tell you these young women live in dream land - we have a house on the gulf of mexico - they think they will live ther. I said that is your pipe dream honey. You won't have that house we will have to sell it. I also get 1/2 of everything plus alimony. Half your pension ect. So go for it but wake up and take your rose colored glasses off.

Realtor, thanks for replying. I am 54, WH is 50 and the OW is 29. This whole thing makes me sick !! My WH has never had any problem whatsoever attracting women. But really looks are the most unimportant feature in one's spouse.

I am just getting so very sick of obsessing over it, him. I am so hoping that I put a dent in the armour of this secret affair yesterday. I certainly got her attention when I did infact have her cell phone number and contacting her father. I now have to sit back and see what happens next.

Thanks again for replying.

Carnation

WH has called twice. His mood seems no different than usual. Now I am thinking, perhaps OW has NOT told him about the phone calls. Maybe she has something up her sleeve now.

Last time I called her a couple of months ago, all heck broke lose. WH quit his job and ended up home with me for a couple of weeks, after I went states away to get him. I do not think that worked out well in her favor, short term anyway. So maybe she is trying a different approach now.

What to do - what to do !!!!

Carnation

I think you should tell him you have called her parents and that you know he is in contact.

Then, get on the phone and make an appt with STEVE Harley. You really his direction, Carnation. You can't keep spinning your wheels like this forever.

Oh good gravy. Well, the police have called me. A detective from her city called wanting my side of the story. I calmly told him what I knew and what I did. He told me that he was certain that this woman was not involved with my WH. Now, granted, I do not have solid proof (a few phone calls and lots of circumstancial evd) and I told him that I hoped I was wrong.

Her and her parents had called them to try and get me on harassment charges. But there really is nothing for this.

So - my WH called me and asked me if the cops had called me. What ?? How the heck does he know ? Did OW call like we would assume. He told me that the cops had called him because they had gotten his cell from me calling OW once a long time ago from the truck and they wanted to talk about this.

I call him back and he tells me he can not talk - he is in the middle of a *situation*. hmmmm now what ? OW putting pressure on him ? What a mess.

Then WH calls me back - Private Number !!! I told him, why are you calling private number - that is what this whole thing is about stupid !!! He says he is in a remote area of WY, which is true but no reason for private number to come up. None

I can't take much more of the lies. This has and may get way out of hand. Why would the police call him if they are so sure that nothing is going on ?? Which in fact the policeman told me repeatedly.

Help please. I am going to doctor this afternoon for meds. I am at the end of my rope.

Thanks so much - don't leave me now. I really am a good person. Just a wreck.

Carnation

I hope you have evidence that the person who called is truly a detective from her city, and not a friend of hers posing as one to find out what you really know and how. This incident sounds very suspicious to me- the "detective" tells you he was certain this woman is not involved with your husband (I doubt a real policedetective would have been able to tell you that at this point-why would they have been checking?), then your H calls and wants to know if the police called you. If I were you, I'd call the police department in that town and ask to speak to Detective So-and-so, just to make sure that person exists and really did call you. And if not, they need to know someone is impersonating a police officer.

And, he was all three phone calls about this - very calm. Not the least bit upset. Almost condenscending. I expected him (if he found out and it was not going to be by me) to be extremely mad.

Why THIS behavior ?? Why so calm. This just gets so confusing as we go on. Why in the middle of all this this morning call me private number ?? Did he slip ? Will it ever end ?

What oh what do I do ? I am getting busted at every turn. Let me say this man (my WH) is very, very smart and conning.

Please do not get too concerned about me. I am not going to do anything (else) stupid. I am fine really I am. Do not worry about me. I just need some guidance. And somewhere safe to talk.

Thanks so much.

Car

yes, I checked. It was the city police. I thought that sounded strange to me too.

Thanks for replying and the concern.

Car

First off, I dunno about your state, but in the great state o'Texas, friends driving by, and 2 phone calls do not harrassment make.

We were taking pics of OWs house (long story re C of OC) and the police can do nothing but file an information report. They can ASK you not to do it, but it's a public roadway and as long as no one steps onto the property they can DO NOTHING!

I highly doubt, also that those two phonings so far apart constitute harrassment. Plus, if OWD HAD taped it, there is nothing on it to prove such UNLESS there were threats (which is punishable). If you didn't threaten bodily harm you are not in danger.

Shore up your defenses, tho. It does sound if OW and WH are in contact AND they are scheming. Sorry...but it does...remember to trust your senses. You think he's acting oddly for the sitch...then dollars to donuts he is!

Only you can control you...so get to it....it's time to put your duckies in a row and make a plan and stick to it.

- Kimmy

Kimmy, thanks for replying. I am in DFW Texas. This all seems very suspicious to me too. Especially his attitude. He hates it if I bring up anything to do with a suspected A. And, the police call him to see if there is anything going on and to report on my possible harrassment - and he is not upset !! Something is defintely up.

The lies are what have really bothered me all along. But now, I feel like I am being used as a fool. This really grinds me. Granted, I probably (ok, did) go about those phone calls last night in the wrong way. But calling her parents to expose a suspected A between their 29 yo D and my 50 yo H, I thought they might be interested. Her father taping me and then the two of them making a police report on me today - it is too much. This must end.

I know I am to blame in some of this. But I am doing this for all the right reasons. I have nothing to hide. I know feel like a joke or worse.

WH has called twice lately and I will not answer. Ever since after all of this had just settled down, he calls me private name !!! What nerve. Apparently he slipped up, again and called the wrong one.

Help please. and thank you

Carnation

I grew up in Denton. Hugs sister.

Wookie (my dh) is a peace officer here in TX. Per him, unless you directly threaten bodily/property harm you cannot be harassing by calling two times. The cops can take an information report (basically a report they keep on file, it'll take MULTIPLE info reports to establish harassment) but that's it-unless you wig out completely and call incessantly. I know there's legal hotlines in your area to call 24 hours with ??? You might want to call one of 'em just to put your mind to rest (and so you're not hearin' stuff 2nd hand - sometimes that makes all the dif).

Keep cool (I know, I know...It's hotter'n'Hades here)...and keep YOUR cool. It sounds fishy...and in this heat, that stinks. There's no way he has your cell or anything like that? Keep your cell with you at all times...we don't want records to show up that you're calling....stay away from OW and her family. You put a bug in her daddy's ear. It may be he's protecting his little girl by being an [censored] to you when you called, but I'll bet my kids college tuition he's none too happy about anything in this sitch...and knowin' a southern daddy's temper first hand, he's gonna quit blamin' YOU for it after awhile and start blamin' the real enchiladas (wh and ow)....esp. if he thinks wh MIGHT be serious about his little girl...cos face it, no daddy in his right mind really wants their 29 year old daughter shackin' up with a 50 yo! Think of what the neighbors will say!?!?!!!!

- Kimmy

Her dad taped the phone conversation? SOunds like he might have a law enforcement connection and he got one of his buddies down at the station to call you and frighten you into leaving his daughter alone.

And your husband is calm because he knows all about it. Can't fear something you know is just a set-up anyway.

Just my guess. Hang in there.

~ Snow

carnation, how does the officer know there is no affair?

It grieves me to see you treated so shabbily, carnation. I think your H is cruel and heartless to sit by and watch you persecuted and harrassed by the cops all the while knowing that the affair is true.

This has now gone beyond a run of the mill betrayal, you are now in the realm of mental cruelty at the expense of your reputation. You now have a police record because your H would rather see you with a police record and portrayed as a nut than tell the truth. Carnation, girl, you are playing with fire here. And you are going to get badly burned.

I agree with Mel. AND DON'T LET YOUR PHONE OUT OF YOUR SIGHT. I've got icky feelings that this just the beginning of the set up.

Can you be with friends? Can friends come over? Stay busy. Be seen...

I also think your wh has gone beyond waywarding and is in the realms of trying to destroy your self worth and self esteem.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I called the detectives at the police dept. this afternoon and talked with the detective who had called me this am. So, that at least is on the up and up. How this detective can say that there is nothing going on between her and my WH is beyond me.

But - I did ask him when I called him back if he thought my WH was having an affair at all - with someone else. Was that why he was so certain I had the wrong person. He said he could not get invovled and would not speculate.

So.... I am so friggin confused, hurt, sick of it all

I finally answered WH call a while ago, and no word, not one about any of this stuff. I was surprised (well... ) that he is so calm about this, now not even mentioning it. And it is not everyday we are both called by a detective and the two big phone calls I made last night.

I looked online at cell records and he called me today around noon - private party. Blocked his number or used a calling card. It was definetly one of the above. I could not get into his records yet, he is in Wy. but mine showed the ananamous call to me, this I knew.

Thanks so much for the kind words and such. I feel like I got beat up today. Actually I feel kinda empty. Used, abused....

I do not know where to go from here. I have tried my darnest and then some to bring this to a head or out in the open and all I get is sh$$ on.

Carnation

Carnation, I think you need to think long and hard about what you are dealing with here and start taking steps to protect yourself. Have you given any more thought to calling Steve Harley?