For the first time since WH left, I am making curry for dinner tonight.

I only used to make it for H and I - the girls don't like it. DD12 will eat it if it is mild, but DD5 won't touch it. She likes rice, though.

It's been a real trigger for me, actually - making a curry in the evening was something I used to do when H would come home late and I would give the girls their dinner early, and H and I would enjoy the curry later on.

So I haven't had one for months. But tonight, I'm doing it! Making it mild, so DD12 will eat it, making plenty of rice and dhal for DD5 - naan bread and plain yoghurt.

YUMMY!

I bet the Omelette can't make a chick pea and potato curry like I can. It's lovely, even though I say so myself. I'm really going to enjoy it.

Alph.

Please post your curry recipe. My 17 year old son loves curry. He has a Japanese friend whose Mom makes a lot of curry dishes and he has asked me to try making it, but I don't even know where to start.

I had to address this:

"Just before WH left, as I was sitting there weeping and helpless, I said to him: 'But we've got so much in common!' He agreed and said, 'That's why I want us to be friends'."

I do think that they have some sort of delusional idea of how they are just going to walk away and you will not even mind, and eventuallly you will all be one big happy family.
That everything will all "just blow over".

I am so intrigued by the similarities of my old sitch, your current sitch, and everyone else on these boards. Let me just share some of the things my WxH said on D-Day:

Things will still be the ssmae around here, it's just that I won't live here any longer.

I will still give you my paycheck to pay the bills. MOW "just happens" to have a lot of money and she is planning to pay for all of our (his and MOW) bills. She loves me that much (turns out she did not have ANY money)

About two months after he left he started complaining that he was so poor all the time, that MOW was paying all their bills and he felt bad becuase he couldn't contribute anything, so I needed to find a way to pay my bills on my own (for me and 2 kids, etc) so that he would be able to help out MOW more. I said "you told me she had money and wanted to pay for everything - that she loved you that much" He claimed he never said anything like that.

He originally said "we will still be a family, jsut a different type of family. We can still go on family vacations and stuff." Huh?

Here is a big one - I'll bet you never heard this - he said that MOW was EXACTLY like him. They had so much in common that he describes her as "him without a penis". Yuck!

Once my WxH's relationship with MOW was completely over he started confiding in me some of the reality of their R. Turns out it was nothing like I had imagined.
He and I used to enjoy going to a pub and drinking local beers while listening to music. We did that just about every weekend in the summer. She hated going to pubs. She preffered going to noisy crowded bars with dancing (NOT his style). He and I used to go hiking a lot. She had never hiked before, and still hasn't. We had activities at church, and at the kids school, etc, that she could never share becuase of the nature of their R.

After their R ended he started calling me to talk (yes, he made a slite attempt to get back together, but it was not very sincere). He would call to cry on my shoulder. It sounds so strange now,and at the time it was happening all of my friends would say "why do you even talk to him - just hang up on him". It sounds so simple now, but after 18 years of M there was no one who understood him like I did. He wanted to cry on my shoulder because I was hs best friend for so long.

Alph - I see this happening for you too.

Their relationship is all ready falling apart, you just aren't seeing it yet. Some day you will hear all about how horrible it was. But right now he is likely justifying it all saying that "things will get better after my D" and "we are just going through some tough times right now, but it will get better".

I read on someones thread (maybe even this one) that the WS was not looking for an A - they were looking for a new lifestyle. I know that was true of my WxH - I suspect the same for yours. He may have a new lifestyle but it isn't a good one.

We all go through a lot of self doubt. We try to figure out how the OP is better. What do they have that we don't. Why does our WS get to run off and be happy while we are left behind to be loney, caring for kids who are sad (my younger son used to throw up too) and trying to be a handyman, a mom, a dad...etc. Try to lean on this one bit of information. Your WH says stupid things and does stupid things. He is not being realistc. Taht is a sure sign that his R will not last. Not a chance. He dooesn't have a clue right now. He said that he wants to be your friend later? Not a chance. Any reasonable person would know better. He doesn't have a clue.

If your WH was being reasonable. If he was not following the same old WS script, I would think that maybe his R with Omellette had a chance. But he is not being realistic.

You are saying that you wish you knew the OW better? I don't even think HE knows the OW very well. He has a vision of what he thought it would be like with her. This fairy tale life they would have. But he never took the time to figure out what it takes to have the fairy tale life. It isn't about finding the person who makes that life for you. It is about BEING the person that makes that life for you.

My MIL is madrasi Indian. She was taught to cook by Mr. Veeraswarmi ( very famous Indian cook in the UK) as a girl.

Her curries, dhal's and bhaji's defied description.

From aromatic and light to agressively spicy and rich teh flavours of her dishes seemd to magically conjour a certain mood. Her cococnut and fish biryani was SO light and fun ! Her Prawn Balichow so brooding and intense. Cuthi pie so aromatic and complex....her chaats in Chapatthis so mouthfilling and satisfying....

She cooked her last one for me about six months ago. She's too ill now to do it again.

I have loved her cooking, not just for the wondrous enjoyment of eating them, but because she made this complex food with such love for ME and watched me eat with PLEASURE and her hands on her hips. It was and remains HUMBLING her love for this non-blood relative.

She has written down recipies and taught her girls over the years but none really have the passion for it nan has.

She's special my mum in law. Always will be to me.

but she's ruined take away curries for me ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph - I have no idea. I think they are eager to please and impress the new woman in their lives. That spending money shows a kind of "power".
My Mom keep saying OW is stupid. If she wanted to lose her self-respect and "lose face" to the people around them, then she shld have found a richer guy to leech on. LOL


Hmmm... womanoffaith5, I think that's a rather interesting point. I believe my WH wants to have a different lifestyle as well. OW is a TOTALLY different person from me. We are like opposite poles. I don't think she's better than me. Just different.

Which brings me to the point that maybe this lifestyle with OW may be what my WH really wants??? That he's been hiding his true self from me all these yrs? if that be the case, he had lied to his true self and do I really want this person (if this person he is now is his actual true self) for the rest of my life? Anyhow.. interesting post.. it made me ponder.

~A

W5, That is exactly what XOW told me about her and my FWH!!! Sheesh, I thought that was a new one! LOL, my H just cringes when I remind him of sh*t like that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

BINGO!!!! The WS gave you some babble you can use! LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Mine did the same thing. I had been practicing reverse babble for so long by then that I quickly retorted: 'well if this is the real you, let me out of here. I certainly don't like the 'real you. BTW WS, then why did you lie to me during the rest of our M?'

That response threw him for a loop. He certainly didn't expect me to throw it back. That's when I knew the fog had weak spots. I just had to find it. It strengthened my resolve to move forward for me and my family. If the WS wanted to come along it w/b only if he was willing to change. I no longer had t/d for him. It was now where it should have been..... all about what is good for our family NOT what a WS wants. Both the WS and BS know what the WS wnats is NOT good for anyone. Still the WS' prods the BS in a demented way that a WS has a hard time stopping. Still the BS must move forward and hot allow themselves t/b hindered by the WS tactics.

JMHO and experience.
L.

WOF5, here is your recipe!

Chick Pea and Potato Curry.

Chilli powder – min amount ½ tsp; max amount – how hard are you???
Mustard seeds – 2 tsp
Ground coriander – 2 tsps
Ground turmeric – 1 tbs, or a generous pinch or saffron, if you are feeling wealthy
Salt and pepper to taste
Fresh coriander to garnish

1 medium onion
2 large baking potatoes (or three smaller ones – older ones work best – use ‘em up!)
2 400g tins chick peas (or use equivalent dried – I can’t be bothered with the soaking and cooking, personally)
2 400g tins tomatoes
Stock to cover (I use vegetable stock, or an Oxo ‘curry cube’ but u can use any)
2 tbs Vegetable oil (or ghee, if you prefer!)

Cooking time: approx. 1 hour.

Slice the onion, and fry until transparent in the oil. Add the chilli powder and mustard seeds, and fry for a couple of minutes. The mustard seeds pop! Great fun.

Add the tinned tomatoes. Chopped ones are best, and make a nicer sauce. If you use whole ones, chop them up with a sharp knife in the tin before you put them in.

Cook the sauce for a few minutes until the chilli, oil and tomatoes have ‘combined’ properly. The sauce will ‘glisten’ on the back of the spoon when this has happened. Unless the chilli cooks in well, it will hit the back of your throat when you eat – ow! Add salt and pepper to taste.

Slice the potatoes in half lengthways, then cut into 1 cm thick ‘semi circles’. You can peel them first if you want to, but I like the skins left on. Put the potatoes into the sauce. Give a good stir, and add enough stock to cover. Turn heat right down, and put a lid on the pan. The potatoes will be cooked in about ½ - ¾ of an hour from this point.

Stir occasionally!

About 15 minutes from the end of the cooking time, add the dried coriander.

Also, crush the drained contents of one tin (or half your soaked, pre-cooked dried) chickpeas into a lumpy paste. Stir it in with the potatoes. This will thicken the sauce!

Just before the end, add the other tin of drained chick peas – but don’t crush these ones. Cook for a further 5 minutes, then add the chopped, fresh coriander to the top.

Serve with basmati rice, chapattis*, plain yoghurt with cucumber and red lentil dhal*.

Yummy.

Please note: this is a LOT of pulses for the uninitiated digestive system! Make sure you are prepared for the er, consequences!

*Recipes for these can be supplied upon request!

Alph.

Sounds yummy. My girlfriend in CA gave me some saffron. I believe she brought it back with her fron her trip to India. It is wrapped so nice and pretty. Been holding onto that little box for well over 2 years. Is it still good?

L.

Should be. Probably not as aromatic as it was, but certainly still useable, if it's been kept dry.

May as well use it - it's too precious not to! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

It has been kept dry and sealed. Too pretty to opent the box. Also don't really know how to handle this kind of spice. My gf said to mix it in milk. I can't quite see myself drinking that in milk. I am more of a chocolate person. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Alph, the only thing I'd change in yoru yummy recipe is ADD MEAT.

I can;t eat anything that didn't have a face ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Gosh, b0b - how much protein can one man take?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Well, it would make the milk a pretty colour. Perhaps I'll give it a try? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

I'm a caveman remember ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am certainly an omnivore. I lived as a virtual veggie plus fish for a while so my doc could stabilise my IBS and I NEVER felt satisfied by a meal.

Now I eat loads of pulses & greens, lots of fish & seafood, some white meat and occasional red meat.
but I DO like a meaty curry. Even my MILs wonderful dhals lacked a certain 'toothiness' at their heart.

Now she has cooke dme stuff hard for a UK white man toeat, liek brain curry ( lamb bran uncut stewed in a chilli broth - sat there thinking at you when the lid is taken off!) and a dish for pregnant girls - a baby goat cut from its mother and cooked in milk as a korma. THAT is a sin againt an animal IMO !!! But she grew up in India - a very ifferent set of mores and culture there.

Nan has her own tandoor. I wonder what will happen to THAT when she leaves us ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Brain curry? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> Sounds like something from 'Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom'.

Perhaps she'd like Squid to take the tandoor? It would be a shame to lose it. Think of all the wonderful meals it's provided, the essence of all them still existing in the clay walls...

Alph.

Forgive me, it was chilled monkey brains in 'Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom'.

Ewww.

Alph.

We don;t have room for the tandoor, Alph. Or the lifestyle where such involved preparation and cooking makes much sense.

You're right about the memories baked in the clay. It should be a chattel passed mother to daughter.

The brain curry's not bad, but its a bit of a histology lesson to me. I can eat stuff a pig wouldn't lick but I don't like to see anatomical tissue in my grub. euuuw !

I've finished ironing for the holiday. Hooray!

DD12 wandered by earlier when I was up to my armpits in steam and wrinkled laundry, saying: 'I don't know why you bother with that - it'll all get creased again in the suitcase anyway.'

She's right. But pointless ironing for a holiday is traditional, IMVHO.

I had to send a TM to WH earlier (he's still in Jersey, back tomorrow). Our phone line is down, and I'm using the line we had installed for the internet connection instead, so I gave him the new number. My message was short and to the point. His messages are always so polite - thanks for letting me know, etc. Why can't he just text back: 'OK'?

He's still trying to keep me sweet, for some reason. Probably because he hasn't got a solicitor for the D, and he knows his a$$ is toast.

It's gratifying. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

He's still trying to keep me sweet, for some reason

Its usually because the WS still cares for you and utterly yearns for their BS approval.

Those WS who don;t entre an 'angry' fog like Squid did do tend to try to solicit the kind regards of their BS. Not just to assuage their guilt, either, IMO, its because they want to continue to live in the BS aproval regardless of the hurt they caused you.

It must be hard to be a WS and to have to cover your conscience with a crust of rationalising history rewrites just so you can sleep.

Alph - WH is super polite in his emails and TMs as well. He does TM 'OK' at times, but his emails are terribly polite. I feel as if I'm dealing with a bank customer officer.

Interesting observation, b0b. I would have thought it would be more of indifference in the part of my WH, rather than assuaging guilt. But then I don't know v. much of what's happening in that fogged brain of his!

~A