Pep, what concerns me is her WH telling the girls it is from OW. I can see where he is headed with this crappola. Alph, it won't trash your H if you frame it in love.

That's a great idea. I'll buy her some new stuff at the airport tomorrow.

More slime getting on my babies!

Grrr.

Alph.

OW is an enemy of your children's current stability and their happiness and their FUTURE modeling of relationships.

Treat her crap like a virus. Get it out.

I know what I would do about this ... but I don't know if Alph is willing to have this discussion

are you?

Yes, I will.

Thanks, Pep. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

alph

You are being dishonest an avoiding conflict by not explaining to the girls what your WH is doing and what OW is.

How long do you intend to cover up for WH and OW ?

My kids having an independent GO at Squid over the time she dedicated to karate and her "stupid karate friends" was DEVASTATING to Squid. At the time she was EVIL towards them as a result but afterwards she told me she was broken by seeing the consequences of her choices in their disappointed little faces.

Maybe after the holiday is a good time to explain why daddy hasn't come with you....

Yes.

Alph.

Yes, I know. I have explained it to DD12. But I find it very difficult to approach with DD5.

Alph.

The older one knows. So we're talking about the 5-year-old ... mostly.

Here is what a 5 year old knows ---> play.

I'd act it out with a doll family.

Mommie doll, Daddy doll, 2 girl dolls ...roll play the family senario. Discuss what family means, etc.

Then introduce another doll who is an outsider. The outsider (don't call her OW ... use the word OUTSIDER) is trying to push her way into the family. Play it out using dolls.

And I strongly urge you to have your 12-year-old with you so she can participate/help/observe the play therapy too.

BTW ... this is how young ones are prepared for surgery or chemo or any other frightening medical proceedure ... play therapy. Acting it out.

And your 12-year old should be encouraged to express her feelings about this in any appropriate way ... storywriting or drawing ... or dance.. whatever suits her.

Hi Alphin,

quote:----------------------------------------------------
I have no qualms whatsoever about trashing the OW to DDs, but then by association Daddy is tarnished too.
----------------------------------------------------------

I agree with you. When I feel tempted sometimes to 'speak my mind' about the OW (and WS, too, for that matter!), I work really hard for a 'no comment' attitude with the boys because I just don't want to put them in the 'middle' - agree with mom or defend dad/OW? - because I think the kids have a lot to deal with already. It helps me to know that I make the effort "FOR THE BOYS SAKE" and frankly, I am finding that by choosing not to say anything I have less of a need to think about OW/WS as much. If ever I am tempted, I force myself to see a STOP sign, literally, and I just don't go there. On the other hand, as a direct consequence - I force to think what I need to do, etc. which is much more constructive/productive on top of my feeling better overall.

Enjoy yourself, Alphin. I know this vacation will do a lot of good. I will be thinking about you.

I think it's the first time I am posting here, but do know that I 'read you' and follow you, and support you.

The thing with play therapy ... you don't talk trash about anyone .. you simply explain in little girl language there is an outsider working against the family. Outsider trying to make the family break up. Outsider buying things for the girls ... but still trying to make the family break apart.

Keep it simple themed.

happy familystaying together

vs

outsider makes family hurt

Thank you, lunamare. I'm sure we'll have a great time.

Pep,

Your idea about using play for explaining the situation is a very good one. I'm sure it will work just great for DD5.

She has lots of Barbies, too!

DD12 has closed up a little about the situation. I feel so bad for her - she feels she's being pulled in two. Her dad says one thing, I say another. Poor kid.

Alph.

If I may...

Barbies may not work. Too ... ummmm ... busty!

There are dolls that look like mommy and daddy with kids. The kind of dolls that go into a dollhouse with little furniture. The size of the dolls does matter .. (LOL explain yourself Pep)

I mean the size of the dolls in proportion to each other matters .. the parent dolls should be larger in relation to the kid dolls, so they can hold the children, put them to bed ... be the protectors if you will.

If you think you can convey the same message with Barbies ... you're a MUCH better actress than I ... LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Changing the subject:

My 16 year old plays a CD in the car of a punk version of the Barbie Song ... it's hilarious! She and I drive around head-bobbing and belting out the punk-Barbie song ....

But YOU!!! You can still turn cartwheels in the park ... sadly, my cartwheel days are over <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> ... I need a different sort of wheels ... like a wheelchair <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Hey, what you saying? That I don't have the bod to be played by a Barbie? Hey - you're right! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sadly, DD5 has no Ken doll. WH would have to be played by 'California' Barbie in her blue micro swim-suit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I'll buy the kid some different dolls!


Rockin'!

After my last exertion, I fear my cartwheel days are over, too. Took me nearly two weeks to recover! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

www.bapt.info/

British association of play therapists

hey!!!

why is this room so quiet?

where did everybody go?

Pep

I think Alph is still in Spain, getting a good tan so that she can implement Plan B with confidence that she looks fabulous!

2 weeks already?

or almost 2 weeks????

Ohhh, I had the best time!

I really didn't want to come back.

I was really, really good, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

1) I was not seduced by any tall dark handsome types
2) I didn't start smoking again

But man! Both are sooo tempting in Spain!

Beach, Gaudi, Beach, Gaudi, Theme Park, Siesta, Siesta, Siesta...

DDs had a FAB time. DD5 refused to take siesta, but insisted on staying up really late all the same. In fact, she almost stayed up later than me!

The thing I loved best, what really made the holiday? Lying in bed with DD12 beside me, just before drifting off to sleep, listening to the happy, peaceful voices of children and families outside the open window, enjoying the summer evening together. Wonderful. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Makes a change from the drunken students I usually have to listen to.

I was back in the country with my parents for the dreaded anniversary (14th). I went for a long, long walk on my own that day, to some of the places I used to play as a child (my parents live near some lovely countryside and farmland). I walked and walked, met some cute dogs and friendly people, and thought about a lot of stuff.

Then I came back to my parents and kids (who were getting a little worried as I was gone so long) and had fun with them. I drank far less wine that evening than I thought I would. It was OK. I was OK.

Thanks, Mum and Pappa. XXX

Alph.