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I sincerely hope JL shares his thoughts about your question Mimi ... this seems to be right up his alley ... and I myself certainly feel dry when it comes to this particular question. I look forward to JL's insight on this as well.
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Bumping up for JL...
Other thoughts/opinions are also welcome....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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There's a part I resent, though: I "hate" it when he expresses sympathy for those who have not had the "opportunity" to get an education. "Mimi, isn't it wonderful that we have done this for our children?" I want to tell him to stop having this conversation. I'm groping in the dark here, but it sounds like an innocent enough remark on the part of your husband. Are you relating education + college = reminders of the OW? Is this the problem? Susan
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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Susan:
Yes, such conversations are reminders to ME of the FOW. I make the assumption that he got sucked into this with her.I assume he may be thinking about her when he makes such statements about college... Without our history, it would be sound like innocent conversation. For me it is a crazy trigger....."poor baby, no opportunity for a college education"...I know he felt sorry for her about a lot of things...he helped her...she was highly appreciative...and so the story goes....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Well, I would suggest that you try to reframe this. I think IF he were thinking this in regard to the OW he probably wouldn't mention it. (especially if he knows this is a trigger). So I don't think he is thinking about her. I don't think you want to put your husband in the position of having to think about the OW before he says anything because of how you will react. He probably really is glad that you are able to give your children this opportunity. I know I am glad we gave our son that opportunity, even though he did not take advantage of it and is military instead. Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> P.S. I hope JL comes along <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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Susan: You are so right...we are on the same page with this..I don't want to create unnecessary thoughts of the FOW... I doubt my FWH thinks about the FOW that much at all...when he does, it is not positively.... These are my crazy triggers... You see, why I want to be finished with this stuff... These are just a few loose threads that are dangling for me... Now, where is that JL..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by mimi1254; 07/25/05 02:17 PM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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You see, why I want to be finished with this stuff... To be finished with this stuff, I think you have to trust yourself. You trust yourself that you have learned from this experience... You trust yourself to KNOW when there are things you should worry about. Everything else you let go of... Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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These are just a few loose threads that are dangling for me... Are they really loose threads dangling? Or is Mimi still too scared to relax and let go...? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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Do you remember being "SCARED" to be happy? I have a lot to be HAPPY about now and then I think, "YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, GIRL"...
I have every reason to believe that I can TRUST myself...
You are probably right, Susan..
I will think some more on this....
Thanks.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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SUSAN:
Thanks!
You really struck a chord in me yesterday...
I have been scared to let go, trying to hold on to those dangling threads.
Today I'm moving forward...
I can trust and have confidence in myself...
I have PERSONAL POWER....
Thinking maybe of a "PERSONAL" LETTING GO RITUAL this weekend which marks our 29th Anniversary....
Any ideas??
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Mimi, time passes so quickly at my age <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> and I'm lazy (too lazy to search)...so please refresh my memory. I remember your story, but when did your H. come home? How long has it been now? When did your marriage recovery begin? Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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REAL RECOVERY began 9/5/03!!!
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Thinking maybe of a "PERSONAL" LETTING GO RITUAL this weekend which marks our 29th Anniversary....
Any ideas?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ummmm anything involving a fringed cowgirl outfit with chaps and a whip .... ... actually, I have a better idea ... something you do in secret ... you write a prayer out forgiving OW and praying for her---> peace and God's grace ... and you put your prayer somewhere in nature (like in a tree hollow) and you let go of all your negative emotional energy spent on her and only spend positive energy as a demonstration of Mimi-Power!
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Thinking maybe of a "PERSONAL" LETTING GO RITUAL this weekend which marks our 29th Anniversary....
Any ideas?? I am thinking Mimi, but I do want to say this. Do not taint your Special Day with anything regarding the A or the OW, even a "letting go" ritual. It's time to put it in the past. Whatever you need to do to let go, I suggest you do it before that time Your wonderful husband is where he wants to be, he is with YOU. Celebrate your anniversary with a fresh new positive outlook. Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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Pep and I posted at the same time. How about combining the two ideas. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Her idea and my timeframe. Susan edited to add: So get busy girl. It's not long. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by Susan; 07/26/05 10:35 AM.
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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Mimi...on the right track... THE WAKE-UP CALL this morning was a very PASSIONATE, COWGIRL type EMBRACE with the message JUST WAIT 'TIL TONIGHT, COWBOY. THE COWBOY SEEMED REAL APPRECIATIVE...has been calling me all morning.... THANKS... MIMI...MOVING FORWARD with LOVE, FORGIVENESS, HOPEFULNESS AND POWER..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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My husband and I had a quiet anniversary this year, nothing big and earthshaking. We drove to a favorite restaurant which happens to be on the gulf coast. We poked around in a few shops like tourists and drove along the coastline enjoying the beach. The fun part, my husband (sometimes the man of few words) talked the entire drive there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> We dreamed and planned what we would like to do next year on the big one ~ 30 years! It was fun. I'm so happy I am (still) married to him and I told him so many times throughout the day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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Hi Mimi, I think you have been getting great advice from Pep, Susan and the rest as for the one comment you are struggling with. All I can say is I am confused. It seems to me this could come from two directions. One, is that he is admiring the job you two have done with your children and appreciating the marriage. Two, it could be his need to be a white knight and save people so that he gets his admiration fix. Or it could be...anything. But you said I "hate" it when he expresses sympathy for those who have not had the "opportunity" to get an education. "Mimi, isn't it wonderful that we have done this for our children?" I want to tell him to stop having this conversation. I think you are being reminded of OW. I think you are worried about his "white knight" tendencies with regard to OW or others. I think it might suggest to you that "sympathy" is not the right way to look at people who are not as well educated. I think only you can truely address this. My own take on such a statement is he doesn't live around as many "successful:read rich" people as I do and doesn't know you don't have to be smart to get rich or even be well educated. I am a strong proponent of education and college degrees but frankly none of them make you a better person, just a better educated person. Everything else comes from within. So why does it bother you? I don't know. Why does he say this? Perhaps you should ask him. Should you let go of it, yup as soon as you understand why he says it and why you let it bother you. It sounds to me as if you are doing well and things are definitely improving in your marriage. Congratulations to both of you, and enjoy the happiness. We are all granted life 'one day at a time' enjoy the day, each day. God Bless, JL
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JL, Thanks for your post...
Over the past few days, I've come to the realization that I need to let this all go. It is worry over the FOW which really is unnecessary. Everyday my FWH tries to "make amends" and not related at all to the A he shows and tells me how much he loves ME...
I've go to get over MY OWN FEAR OF LETTING GO OF THIS...
There is no way that I will ever FULLY understand WHY he had the A
All I can do is to continue to focus on myself, being the best person, woman, wife, mother, professional, friend... that I can be...
I will continue to focus on my personal growth- learning to love myself, learning to let go, learning to be happy and to have fun....
Last edited by mimi1254; 07/26/05 07:05 PM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I will continue to focus on my personal growth- learning to love myself, learning to let go, learning to be happy and to have fun.... When you let go...relax and focus on all of this...you become even more attractive to your spouse. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Especially the "having fun" part. How old are your boys? How long until empty nest? That is what is really fun! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by Susan; 07/26/05 07:17 PM.
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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