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I'm afraid of following rules based on an A if there is in fact none going on. What if she is just a WS because of the way I messed up in our marriage? Will this steps ruin things? She wants to get together to have a good time - Keep, in my reply should I mention getting together for her b-day? I don't wanna bail on her.
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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what about orchid's reverse babble? is there anyway for me to incorporate that into my reply?
She seems pissed and like she wants a divorce; how am I going to salvage anything now? "We both knew it was going to end up like this"? Doesn't sound good.
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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Okay here is my response; I haven't sent it yet.
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Shan... Sorry about appearing short with you. That is not my intention and I do apologize. However I have been very busy trying to juggle a lot of things and have not had much time for some reason.
I know we have some things to go over, so let me know when it is best for you and I will try my best to accomodate...
I don't know what is going to happen in the future and really am not going to worry about it because I am just trying to take things as they come and live one day at a time.
Well, I do have to run. I hope you don't think this is short or impersonal again, because that is not my intention. You were right though, in that this time apart was probably what we needed.
Talk to you later,
-A
--------------------------------------------
Add anything? I want to mention the part in her email where she said, "We are still married ya know, I deserve a little more than that" by mentioning something of how "If we are married, then she should start wearing her ring or acting like it" but I dont know how to bring it up without seeming bitter or blah blah. She says that crap yet she doesnt act married; nor does she wear her ring - not to mention she stole mine when I'd actually still be wearing it.
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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FoxOr,
While it may be possible that she is not involved with another man, the fact remains that you 2 have been married just over a year and there's already a separation. Granted that separations due occur for other reasons other than infidelity, like domestic violence, alcoholism, drug abuse, etc. but usually these separations don't usually ocurr so soon after getting married except for the ones where infidelity is involved. Also, her young age is very indicative that she may not have been ready for a lifetime committment and that she missed her 'freedom'. Infidelity is very rampant in very young marriages, especially with young women such as your W. But whether or not she is involved with another OM, the advice Orchid, keepmovn4wrd and yours truly gave you is valid and you should seriously consider using it.
TMCM
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Okay - how do I incorporate the reverse babble into the reply I gave you? The one Keep suggested?
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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oh - and Orchid,
Yes I have a lawyer; I was lucky enough to be living with a family who's aunt is a divorce lawyer;
Shan on the other hand has no lawyer, and no money for one.
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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Posts: 6,950
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Since you are going to reply to her, consider the following: Hi Shannon,
Sorry about appearing short with you. However since I am now following your lead by moving on with my life, I have simply been been very busy with other things that I have just simply forgotten about you.
I know we have some things to go over, so let me know when it is best for you and I will try my best to accomodate...
I don't know what is going to happen in the future and really am not going to worry about it. Actually I'm looking forward to starting a new life.
Well, I do have to run. I hope you don't think this is short or impersonal again, because that is not my intention. You were right though, in that this time apart was probably what we needed. I'm just sorry we didn't do it earlier.
Talk to you later,
-A How about that? TMCM
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Fox, TMCM has a good point. Any words may be falling on deaf ears. While I seem t/b out numbered on my opinion of this one, I think it hits a gray area but TMCM, M4FE and others have valid points. Your 2nd letter is much more to the point. Don't worry, the fact that you are addressing the issues, reverse babble or not, you are addressing the issues. She can't fault you for that but she will try to fault you for something. So knowing that you w/b prepared for her at the worst NOT receive your response well. Given the above, ask again about your 2nd e-mail. Remember she is still looking to pin something on you. Be slick. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> L.
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that seems so incredibly harsh though: it almost screams "destroy my marriage" at least thats how it makes me feel.
I do still love her; and her birthday is in two weeks - i would love to be able to take her out.
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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I mean - I haven't forgotten about her; I don't want to lie.
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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Orchid - there are a lot of good points you make through your reverse babble; but I dont know how to incorporate them into my reply...could you lend me a helping hand? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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Fox, Settle down. Your 2nd reply is fine. You kept it short and sweet. You accomplished the main objective. The objective is that you have responded to her points and given back the issue to her and reduce the pain she is attempting to inflict on you. Just have to straigten up your back bone when she comes over with the paperwork. Did you read Losttranslation's thread? She had a convo with her H that is priceless. He is still out of the house but she was able to get the WS to stick to the convo no matter how much he figeted. Now wait for others to respond. I have to run errands this morning (still in the AM for me - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />, I will check back this afternooon). U R doing fine. Don't lose your cool on this one ok? Read and absorb right now. Digest it all and settle for what will work for your situation. Be slick! ;D Take care, L.
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well - i don't want to sign papers if she is willing to try and work things out. According to her reply I can't really tell though.
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Okay here is my response; I haven't sent it yet.
----------------------------------------------------
Shan... Sorry about appearing short with you. That is not my intention and I do apologize. However I have been very busy trying to juggle a lot of things and have not had much time for some reason.
I know we have some things to go over, so let me know when it is best for you and I will try my best to accomodate...
I don't know what is going to happen in the future and really am not going to worry about it because I am just trying to take things as they come and live one day at a time.
[color:"red"]As for your statement about 'still being married', I am living up to my vows and currently still faithful. How is it going for you? This question is one that has been on my mind a lot. I truly miss my wife. Please let her know. [/color]
Well, I do have to run. I hope you don't think this is short or impersonal again, because that is not my intention. You were right though, in that this time apart was probably what we needed.
Talk to you later,
-A
--------------------------------------------
Add anything? I want to mention the part in her email where she said, "We are still married ya know, I deserve a little more than that" by mentioning something of how "If we are married, then she should start wearing her ring or acting like it" but I dont know how to bring it up without seeming bitter or blah blah. She says that crap yet she doesnt act married; nor does she wear her ring - not to mention she stole mine when I'd actually still be wearing it. Well Fox, that's my revision. Not much to add and probably a bit too sarcastic but I have found when dealing with a WS, there isn't anything good to say that won't be agrued with so I would periodically slip stuff like the above in. I actually told the WS in my life that I wanted to see my real H again and he was the only one who could find him. Those words made him cry and he said he wanted to see the real H back also. It took a while, but eventually the real and improved H came back. Still a bit rough around the edges but much better than the WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> L. [color:"red"] [/color]
Last edited by Orchid; 07/17/05 02:13 PM.
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Sent -
this is the letter:
"Shan... Sorry about appearing short with you. That is not my intention and I do apologize. However I have been very busy trying to juggle a lot of things and have not had much time to keep in contact.
I know we have some things to go over, so let me know when it is best for you and I will try my best to accomodate...
I don't know what is going to happen in the future and really am not going to worry about it. I am just trying to take things as they come and live one day at a time.
As for your statement about 'still being married', I am living up to my vows and currently still faithful. How is it going for you? This question is one that has been on my mind a lot. I truly miss my wife. Please let her know.
Well, I do have to run. I hope you don't think this is short or impersonal again, because that is not my intention. You were right though, in that this time apart was probably what we needed. I'm sorry we didn't do it sooner.
Talk to you later,
-A"
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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Orchid - its funny really because I was a millisecond from hitting send on my other email when I got this extremely weird feeling to refresh the post and got the reply that you gave me - I added the "I miss my wife" part that you added...maybe this was God's timing.
I hope this works out for the best; I truly love and miss my precious wife.
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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Fox,
U feel better? Be preapred for some backlash. I probably will get some here for encouraging you to send it but I realize that your family consist of the 2 of you w/o children, so responding maybe good at this juncture. Re: Her e-mail already shows you have her attention with the previous NC. Keeping the response short and sweet is good because you are being civil just refusing to meet her WS needs. You are willing to meet your wife's needs though but your W is not around. Right?
Of course all is jmho, you know. As in all cases make sure you weigh the actions and be prepared to take the consquences.
Patience, lots of patience. ok?
Still imho, you did the right thing.
take care,
L.
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Well is this email designed at saving my marriage? Because I'm wanting to lol.
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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Posts: 17,837
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Saving your M? With your W but not with the WS. Now which one would you want t/b married to?
Fox, u r asking too much from too little right now. Got 2 b patient.
L.
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Can you guys give honest opinions...do you even think there is a shot at saving the M at this particular point?
Me 20
WW 20
Friends since: December 10, 1999
Began Dating: October 29, 2003
Married Feb 13, 2004
D-Day: July 28, 2005
Separated since: June 9, 2005
Now in Plan B - headed for D.
Praying on God's guidance and support
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
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