Went out again tonite had a good time. WH ccame over today to talk to D about taking the car with no D.L. Well it turned into a big fight between the 2 of them. She told him how she didn't like what he had done to our family and he told her what happen between your mom and me happened before OW came into picture. Yes some of that is true but the OW is now making it her business because she allowed a married man into her home and bed. Anyhow WH now says he is done with D and he does not want her to ask him for anything because he is done. I just can't believe how he is turning on his children now. Our 15 yr old son does not want to see his dad he is so upset with him. WH told me he there is still hope for us but I wonder how that can be when he has now turned on his own children. OMG will he ever wake up ?????? I am so tired of all this crap......

Oh I forgot he says OW is still pissed about the trip to Indiana but he still says he is going to go and she can't stop him. Well I would be willing to bet she pulls out all the stops to keep him from going. Guess I will find out tomorrow.... I just wish I could get OW to see how he is lying to her and realize he is not being faithful to her at all by coming to me and wanting to have sex. I can't believe she is that dumb not to realize he is calling me everyday and seeing me often. Not that anything is happening here but he is still saying I love you and miss you to me. I am sure she has no clue. I know I can't tell her because that would just cause more problems and he would never forgive me for it. There has got to ba a way for her to see what is happening.

well just got a call fro WH, I guess he is backing out of trip to Indiana. He says its because of his job that 2 people quit. Kinda funny how last nite nothing was said about it but at 5:30 am he seems to remember that. I asked him was it because OW was pissed he said no its work. Guess he must think I am stupid or something. I can't believe how much hold she has on him. I am really beginning to wonder if he is a lost cause or what. Hard to believe the man I loved for so many years has disappeared and is now someone who has turned on everyone. I just wonder if the real H is even there anymore.....

Listen....hear that? Thats the sound of LaLa Land falling apart. Are you preparing for plan B?

I'm not sure if I am ready for B yet confused. I know its coming soon but my heart isn't ready yet. Why do you think lala land is falling apart? He seems to be giving in to her to keep peace. I told him our son was going to be very disappointed, he said well I can go see him another time. How can lala land fall apart when he is doing what she wants????

Don't you see the tables are turned? MOW is now the one he has to account to...he doesn't like it so he is sneaking to see you. You have become his lighthouse...he is attracted toward you and she keeps trying to pull him back. Ok so this time she tugged the leash and he obeyed...do you think he really likes it? I'd be interested in what other people think but thats my take on it.

Maybe your right, I don't know anymore. I just find it funny that the job is t he the reason why. He was telling me that one of the people quit monday and the other has not shown up all week so this will make the company 2 drivers short. Well darn if thats how it happen how come he just realizes the day before we need to leave. So thats why I believe its OW because she was mad about it and he caved in to her. Guess its time to stop his sneaking around to me and let him suffer it out with her.

hurt, i'd be interested on what Orchid, Ark^^ and Believer have to say they are among the wise ones. but i wouldn't be surprised if plan b was not too far away.

I agree confused I think its about time to wake this alien up. I do hope since he is still calling me and sneaking around to see me and taking me to lunch, that plan b will wake him up.... Oh wise ones I need you ....

Bumping for help !!!!!

Someone please respond !!!!

What is your major concern right now?

Sorry I have not kept up with your situation.

However, it seems like it is much like mine was. My FWH was a cake-eater who eventually moved in with the OW.

We also had teenage children during his A.

hurting -

Sounds to me like there is trouble in paradise. Whatever you do, don't let OW know that your husband is coming around to you. That is a HUGE mistake that I made. As you can see, I made lots of huge mistakes. I thought it would be good to let her know, so when WH left me roses, and a love-letter, I dropped them off with her.

See your relationship with your husband is none of her business. Keep it that way.

In our case, OW forbid WH to come over to see me at all. One time when he dropped by to pick up a motorcycle, and we were standing out in front of the house, guess who walked by? OW! Haha, I loved it. And my WH kept sputtering the same babble, that he could do whatever he wants. He hates to be controlled.

I think I would stay in Plan A a little longer, while you get stronger for Plan B. After all, the OW seems to be doing a good job of helping out your side.

As far as your children - let them know that dad is not himself, but you have a Plan. They need to feel that someone is fighting for their family.

Ty believer for the help. OW and WH live in a little town about 12 miles away, so the chance of her ever knowing he is here is almost nil. And of course she will never know he calls seeing how the cell bill comes to me in my name.

How is it you feel OW is helping my side out? He is bowing to her whims, not mine for sure. I was thinking to myself if it was I who had told him he could go somewhere or do something he would have told me off. He hates being told what he can and can't do. So why would he allow it from her. Because I tell you now I don't believe the work story. It is just to convientant that in a 12 hr period from 5:30 last nite to this morning he realzied people had quit working...

and why is it we don't want her to know he is coming around? Woudld't that make her realize what a liar he is to her? And that she is not a secure as she thought? I'm going to follow your advice I just am curious....

I have another question as well. We talk everyday and he is the one calling not I. We see each other maybe 2 or 3 times a week. Sometimes its for an extended period of time a couple of hours, then other times its only like 10 or 15 mins. So my question is does the time period mean anything or is any time we see each other enough time to give him his fix?????? I am confused on this ...

He is allowing it from her right now, because he is too foggy to see it. Whatever you do, don't bad-mouth her or try to tell him what she is doing. He needs to figure that out for himself.

She is not as secure as she thought, but don't let her know that. Continue your good Plan A. Let her sabotage her relationship with your husband. You just sit back and do nothing.

Get strong for a Plan B that may be coming. You will want to go very dark, so figure out how that can be accomplished.

Believer I am trusting your instincts here that this is all starting to unravel. I pray thats the case. I hope she is LB'ing big time. As far as plan b goes , I can do the dark thing when the time is right. Like I said he lives almost 15 miles away and our town is big enough I can keep from running into him. I am still scared of plan B but I know I have to do it to save myself if nothing else. I know WH keeps telling me little things about OW how she gets pissed and other stupid things. But yet he still hangs on to her makes no sense to me. Still claims to be happy, you can see it in his face and hear it in his voice he is not happy. Oh maybe thats the rest of us who see him who are delusional according to him. lol

If your WH hated being told what to do, don't you think he is hating OW telling him? She seems to be Lb'ING ALL OVER THE PLACE. Do you think he will be feeling guilty about not coming with you? Do you think he will resent OW for "not allowing" him to go.
It's only been 3 weeks and there is trouble in paradise already. Just keep yourself and your home a great place to be when he visits. Make coming back home an attractive option. I think it is way too soon for plan B. Have you identified which of his needs were not being met?
About your DD, were you saying she is driving without a liscence??? Is that what your WH was mad about? If that is the case, he is right to say something about it. However, He should not have gotten into a brawl about it. I can tell you that one of my H's problems in our marriage was that I always took our kids sides over him. Think about this. If she is driving without a Dl, that is bad bad bad... Maybe you should have a discussion with him about how to handle the sitch.
You seem very strong, and I see a lot of hope in your situation. Wh does seem to be a cake eater, but stick to boundaries with him. He seems all over the place.

another Thing, Ark gave you great advise a while back, Go and re read it. I think that stuff would work like a charm on your WH. Have you ever read carolHK's thread?? Its an oldie but goodie. I think a modified plan like that is just what the Dr ordered for you. If I did this right, here is the link.. BE SURE to take a look..
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=014880#000002

Ty NYwife for your reply. Yes WH was mad about DD driving without a licsence and I had no problem with him getting on to her at all. Its just that it escalted from that issure to the issue of what he is doing to our family and he still is justifying it and saying OW has nothing to do with it. Maybe not the problems we had but she is part of it now for sure. And I like you did interfear when he would disapline the children because i thought he would go to far. I see now that was a mistake.

I know what needs were not being met. They were talking, attention. I was depressed and pushed him away without realizing it. I just shut him out and crawled into my own little shell. Our love life became very sparadic. I feel so bad for all of those things and I have apologized for my part in this.

The stress of our children and grandchildren all living here played a very big part in all of this. My children are so disrespectful to us both and he had enough. I am now putting a plan in motion for 18 yr old D. Tough love as they say.

As far as OW telling him not to go, I don't know that for sure but I would be willin to bet my life on it. Seeing how the work thing came up over night. I told him yesterday OW would talk him out of going andhe said no way. Pretty funny how this morning it was done and work was an excuse. I just don't believe it.

I will look at the thread you mentioned and see what I can use from it. And yes ARK gave me great advice and I am using it. Usually he calls me several times in a day but today the only call was telling me he was not going. I assume he is appeasing OW and not calling. I do need to find out though if he s coming to see grandson before I leave tomorrow. But I don't want to call him.