Ok I am reading the carol story. I understand about the 180's and all but the problem I have is WH lives with OW how do I get him to spend time with me???? He only has time for me during the work week once he is home at night or weekends he forgets we exsist?

opps maybe I posted that to soon !!!!! lol

Anywise one out there????

I'll help if I can...

ty mimi I appreciate it ...... I am just not sure how to go from here ...... OW has really made a mess for me with this trip.

Hurtin:
I recall when I was in your position.

What helped me with urging from folks on the forum was to stop focusing on them, particularly the OW...

Try to focus ONLY on YOURSELF!!

They are aliens, lost in the drug-crazed FOG of their Affair..

The Affair will eventually come to an end. However, it is a waiting game.

Take this time to work on becoming the best YOU that YOU can be...Try to steer clear of them and their craziness. You will not be able to make sense of it. Logic does not apply in THEIR WORLD.....

Sweetheart- I am with you- when I read your post it is like a mirror that I am going through. I am in the same 24 years - moved in with ow last saturday. The people here are great and supportive- listen and wait- i am in the same holding pattern you are. Love yourself and the kids- treat yourself like a queen.
I think my h is finding the reality out. I just heard thru a good friend- she has someone else on the side since he moved in. His car was just totalled,she has filed bankruptcy, etc.
I dont know what the future holds but all wer can do is pray- work on ourselves.

As Winterkisses says:




I lived this and it works.....

ty both for you kind words. I am just having a bad day today. Was really looking forward to this small trip with WH and grandson, was hoping for some kind of ray of light but I guess OW put a dark cloud in my way. I just wish WH could see whats happening.....

Hurting -

Don't worry about it. I would put on my cheerful face, clean the house, and not let it bother me. You can let him know that you are somewhat disappointed, but will adjust.

He knows the truth. These things will start irritating him. But it may take some time.

ark-
You have wonderful advice- thanks- I swear hurting is the mirror of me and what im going thru.
You too whisper. Keep it coming. My wh just called me after I have not talked to him for 2 days. He's telling me about the insurance, mortgage info, how he gave the kids allowence, etc.
I was so cool- I said ok - when will you have the money for school uniforms? Next week for sure. I said ok goodbye and hung up!
I never would have had the courage to do this- I would have been crying and pleading, etc.

WH still insists that it was his job that is keeping him from going. Maybe so I don't know. But I do know my son is upset his dad is not coming. WH told son he would come visit soon with OW. Daughter in law called WH back and told him OW is not welcome . She then told him what kid of woman would sleep and allow a married man move into her home, she then called her a bad name. WH got pissed and hung up on her. But first he says why is everyone against OW, I am tired of it......

Hurting:

I know it feels awful and you can't believe that your H is doing this to you. However, this is not HIM. He is in the FOG. When in this A addiction, he will LIE to you, Hurting.

My H was in a LTA. He eventually went to live with the FWH for 3 months. We have been recovered for 2 years in September. It took 6 months of withdrawal from the FWH before he became himself again.

Again I say, try not to focus on him. He will lie to you about the reasons for not going on the trip. I had to learn that my FWH would lie and be deceitful as long as he was caught up in the A. It is not something that you can talk him out of....

Hey - sounds like your DIL has some spunk. Good for her. My BIL had an A before my WH, and wanted to bring the homewrecker to meet us. I let him know that she was not welcome here.

WH just left here. He came to see grandson. Seems my son called WH's work and found out that WH was saying is the truth. so I guess he was not lying. But it really does not matter anyway because OW was pissed about it. Anyhow I told WH that I needed to talk to him, I told him that he knows how I feel and I want our M to work but that I could not be on this rollercoaster anymore. I told him that from now on until he could make a clear decsion on what he wants that I was limiting all contact with him unless it has to do with the kids or money. He says he understands, the look on his face was shock, I don't think he believes I will do this.I guess the anger in him will come out when he realizes I mean business.He chit chatted a little more and left and as he left he said see you later and have a safe trip. So now its time to make a believer out of him I guess. As I sit here crying my eyes out and my heart breaking I know I have to do this for me. I pray that he will come out of this fog soon.

hurting - You are moving pretty fast today. If you have decided to go to Plan B (which it sounds like), you need to give him a Plan B letter, and then go very dark.

Believe me, it is better not even to attempt Plan B unless you are going to do a strong one.

Believer I know what you are saying and your right. I just had to let him know I cannot be on this ride any longer. I am leaving in the morning for Indiana and will do a letter when I get back but I needed to let him know I need some time away from him for now. I know its not a true plan b, but it will be soon. I plan on not answering his calls for the next few days. I need a break from this ride so I can regroup and move forward. I know I maybe handled this wrong but I was so upset after today it all poured out of me before I realized it. I may have caused some harm today but for now I need the time to think and regroup my energy.

Don't worry about it. I could tell you were upset today. We all have gone through that. You're doing just fine.

When I used to get upset, I would throw all the Christmas presents out in the street, take his dog to his love nest and tie her to his car, load up all of his stuff and unload it in his parked truck, or on front lawn at love nest, go to love nest and comfront the infidels in bed, and many others.

You are much wiser just to take a few days break from it all.

In fact, my smartest move was IMMEDIATELY removing all of the guns and rifles from our home, and putting them in the safe care of a neighbor.

That was a good idea Believer. when WH left here the first thing he took was his gun cabinet and guns. Sure hope when OW is done with him she lets him get his guns. Yup I was very upset today, one of the worst days I have had in a while. I guess the stress of the trip and him backing out on me was more than I could handle. Now I have to drive all that way by myself and I am not looking forward to it. So it seems the job thing was the truth though. Guess that blows my OW concept, darn it. But I do know she was mad about it he told me she was. So I guess some LB's may have happened anyway. Oh well in time all will crumble around their ears. Praying so anyway.....