Well tonite has been so bad. I went to sleep because of leaving at 5 am to leave for Indiana and low and behold if the phone does not ring at its my D. She took my car again and got stopped by the police. She had 15 yr son with her. Tried to call WH but he had his phone turned off. Called MIL and they took me to where my D was. Lucky for her she only got a ticket for no DL. I am so furious with D but also furious with WH. He walked out of here because he could not handle the kids and pressure of everyday life anymore. Its not fair he can walk and leave me to deal with all of this. He has stated the kids and their behaviors played a big part in his problems. Well darn it he is their father and he also helped raise them and allow them to be what they are today. Now he can't take the heat and has walked away leaving me to hold the bag alone. its not fair and I feel I need to let him know this. I can't hold this in any longer, I need to let him know what a coward he is for walking away from his resposibility because he can't handle it. He can walk away and move in with some two bit Bi*** who is worthless and just pretend this is all my fault. I am so angry right now I really don't care what happens to our marriage. I need to let him know how I feel and what a piece of chicken poop he is..... How could he do this and be happy with his choice, no resposibility and leave it all on my doorstep. Pretty sorry if ya ask me....

WH called at 1:30 am. He asked what was going on I told him about D taking car and police stoppin her. He said well why didn't you call house phone? I said no way I don't want to have to talk to OW. He then says well nothing I could do anyway. U got upset and told him you know what these are your children to not just mine. He then goes into this argument of how its my fault how they are. He says you always jumped me when I would displine them. I told him yes I did but I only did that when I felt you were going to far and I was protecting you from doing something and getting in trouble. I then told him your problem is you can't stand the heat, you can't handle your children, your home life or responsibilites of it so you ran away. You left it all on me and its not fair. All because you couldn't talk to me and tell me how you felt. He then started on how he went to the bowling alley and now everyone there knows what is happening and how everyone is blaming him for whats going on. He says you have told everyone , I told him I have not been to the bowling alley and everyone there knows because someone that works there saw him and OW in Walmart. I asked him why are you mad that people know, you are not trying to hide this . You go out in public with her and you live with her so why are you worried about people knowing. He said because everyone says this is my fault, they don't know the whole story. I said you know what I have admitted my part in this and I have apologized for it over and over, and anyone I have spoken to will tell you that. But you actually are the only person I owed anything to. I said what do you want me to take a newspaper ad and tell everyone? He said no. He then started with you know what I am done this isn't going to work with us, I am just going to leave the state and move on. He says I am packing the rest of my stuff and moving it to storage.I told him do what you need to do. I then said to him running away will solve nothing as you can well see. So now we are back to all of his justifications and he is done with me stuff. I don't believe him its anger and guilt talking again. After a few mins and he realized I had nothing to do with the bowling alley gossip he calmed down and said well you better get some sleep since you are leaving and have a safe trip, see you later. I said bye. End of conversation. So now I know I will not answer his calls for a few days. When and if I talk to him and he asks me why I won't talk to him , I will repond with , you told me you were done so I figured we have nothing to say to each other. A week ago he loves me and wants to come home and then we go to I love you both now we are back to I am done. I am so tired of all these diffrent emotions of his. I need a break from all of this chaos.

Why is WH so mad that people know he has left? Did he not think people would find out he left and moved in with OW? Did he truely think this could be kept secret when they go out in public together? I know he can't handle the fact people tell him he is doing wrong, I can't imagine what else he expected. I mean you up and leave your wife and family move in with OW and no one is suppose to say anything or notice? What the ******?????

I know how you feel. Everyone knows whats going on. My cousin is the ow manager. she says she cant do anything because her job is on the line. She is the one who has told me that the ow has another man besides my husband. They are deep in the fog doesnt care who knows and is doing what feels good to them and we are left in the light and destruction.

Amen to that winter. I can't believe this craziness!!!!! it's beyond my comprehension for sure....

I keep thinking he will wake up ad realise what is going on. He is in la-la land. My ounsler offered this insight to me.
He said all h is doing is for self. No one else. He feels good doing this- no bills, no kids, etc. In the dark it was good sneaking aroungd., but now that its exposed and until she shows him the reality of this fantasy life- he is blind.
She needs money, she wants what she wants- he gives and sacrifices to give to her but now everyone knows whats going on. He's paying for 2 households, he wont call his family because he knows they are not for what he's doing. So hes in a corner like a deer in the headlight. Cant go home, if he stays with her has to pay- the sex and everything- her daughter of course is going to ask for money - but he is so whipped he cant see all this destruction.

Wow winter sounds exactlly like my situation. Except the OW so far has told him he does not have to help pay anything. One thing for sure though he can't stay blinded by the headlights for long. Well I am off to indiana and will be back in a few days. Take care and I will post when I get home.....

Back from trip and boy did I come home to a surprise. Seems while I was gone WH was summoned by his mother for a conversation. Well as it turns out OW was with him and she sat in the car. Well all ****** broke loose and SIL confronted OW and told her that WH was sneaking around seeing me and that we had slept together a few times since he has moved in w ith her. WH called me on the cell and was asking me why I told his mom? I told him it was not a big deal and we are married. Anyhow WH was very nice to me and didn't blow up. They drove back to their place which is a 15 min drive nd he told me that not one word was spoken and then after they got there she left and would not talk to him. He then says she will probably kick me out. I told him if she does you need to go somewhere by yourself and do some serious thinking. He also said he would deny to her about us being sleeping together. I asked why do that she surely isn't that stupid she will believe you? But then again who knows. I mean she ought to know if he will cheat on his own wife what makes her think he won't do it to her with me? I did not offer refuge here at all. D called him a few mins go to find out if he payed the light bill and she says OW answered the phone and was crying and WH sounded disgusted. So I have no idea what is going on. KNow ing the OW like I do I don't feel she will kick him out but one thing for sure lala land has hit a major bump. I would say for sure the beeginning of the ennd has started. I have a feeling since she is a leach she will give him an ultimatum and tell him he can't see or talk to me. He may try it for awhile but I don't think it would last long. But I do know one thing if they manage to make it through this and stay together then I fear I am doomed. We shall see. .......

hinok,

Well now.

How old are your kids? Did I read 15YO grandson?

If that is so then your kids are on their own. Why on earth would you still be fighting about what the 'kids' are doing? At this point, what they do is their choice, and no one is responsible for them but themselves.

YIKES!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />!

I am glad your family and WS family are backing you up. But you have to let go sometimes.

Step back, do think about things, what is healthiest for you and your M. Kids are out of home. This is between WS and you. I have no clue as to why you and WS are fighting over kids when one of them has a 15 year old. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Go plan B, in my very humble opinion.

Aren't those kids raised yet? Forgive me and correct me if I am wrong.

Prayers for you, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

No the 15 yr old is our son. And we arn't fighting over kids.In fact we arn't fighting over anything. I Have no idea what happen last nite when OW got home as to what happen over her being told what happen between him and I. I am assuming she didn't kick him out. I guess they made up over this. Oh well nothing I can do now. If she forgave him what he did and they stay together guess I am done now. Time to gather my thoughts and move on I guess. I don't want to give up but looks like I may not have a choice. I would assume she told him he can't talk or see me anymore and I do believe he will do as she asks if thats the case. I hope I am wrong but something tells me in my gut this is the case.

OW's tend to think they are the W and like to dish out ultimatums. In the fog, WS' still don't like ultimatums and that is the OW's downfall. From now on she can't help but issue ultimatums because her trust is gone. Now she w/b suspicious of the WS on everything and if he thinks the BS is giving him a hard time, he ain't seen nothing yet. There is nothing worse than a scorned OW. Some are stupid enough like the on we dealth with and filed false charges against the Xws. Why? Because she lost her grip and it made her mad.

So be prepared for the OW to get desparate. LOL!!! She needs to. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

so do you think there is still hope Orchid? I just drove out there and he is still there. I guess she forgave him or something or maybe she let him stay because it was late last night. I don't know what to think.

hurtinginokla ~

You have a wonderful inlaws. This is a huge positive to your situation, because they can do and say things on your behalf that you can't. (Like spill the beans on how H is "cheating" on OW with his own wife!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> )

But don't make the mistake of assuming anything. You really have NO IDEA what is going on in fantasty land. Most BSes get worked up and start making decisions or feeling that "now its really over!" (If I had a penny for every hysterical BS who thought their marriage was finished and announced it here based on alot of assumptions and temporary emotions...)

Just let the chaos spin over there, and you keep your home and your life peaceful and calm. Put all of your energy into keeping your home a have to you and the kids.

Stop chasing him down. His affair is not over by a long shot. You will need to go to Plan B (not yet!) before this gets resolved. Drive bys of the OWs house does nothing but get you upset.

This is who he is today my dear. Accept it and then leave him in God's hands. You take care of you.

Bramble,

As far as the in laws go he has said he is done with them. After what his sister did last nite and his mom has told him OW was nothing but a homewrecker and not a good person, he says he is done with them as well. In his conversations to me after all this though he was very calm and never blamed me for any of it. In fact I felt like he was trying to get me to fix it with OW for him. I just can't imagine OW would believe anything he says right now. He told me he was going to deny to her we had sex. I can't believe she would belive him, but then again maybe she is that dumb. Well I feel I will not hear rom him for awhile, would not surprise me if she gave him an ultimatum on it. He has never been one to take ultimatums but right now I think he would do what ever it takes to keep her happy.

Hurting -

While WH and OW are going through their turmoil, I see one problem that you can work on. Your daughter is starting to exhibit some rebelious behavior. Your WH has already made the remark that it is something he is bothered by.

My SD, when she was 15, did the same kind of things, so I know how hard it is. But you must get some backbone and stop her. How did she get the keys to the car? You will want to keep them safe, or do whatever it takes to prevent her from taking it.

When she knows that you mean business, she will obey the rules of the house.

Beleiver,
I have already put a plan in place for my D. she now knows that any more of this will not be tolerated. As far as WH and OW go , I am staying out of this one. It may not be over but I have the feeling it won't be long. I'm not saying he will come home but I do believe OW is going to try a short leash on him and I know he won't tolerate it long. And he did say last nite he is thinking of moving to his sisters place to get some time to think. It may be more babble but I hope he does it for himself. I would also think that OW will now have a hard time believeing anything he says, if she does she is a fool.....

He is wavering. Tottering by his babble. One minute he says he wants nothing more t/d with his family, within 1 day you post he is thinking of moving in with his sister. Hm.....

Call your SIL and MIL to let them know you understand and appreciate their stance. They need your support also. If at all possible make them part of your personal suppport group. The WS may feel like you are all ganging up on him and you are. Don't deny it. But let him know this type of support is for you and your H would understand it.

For me I found it beneficial when I let the WS know I knew he had an internal struggle with the WS and H sides of his being. I let him know that I did not want communication with the WS but would welcome speaking to the H. So the choice then became his which character he would use to communicate with. This really helped me. I didn't have to deal with the WS as much. I was in plan B and when the WS side of his character creeped up, I hung up the phone or showed him the door. After a few time of this, he learned to knock before he entered our home and speak with more respect to me. It was hard to watch his fact contort so, the inner struggle had physical sightings. It is a weird expereince. Watch the eyes. Another tell tale sign of which character you are being visited by. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Ws' have no life in their eyes.

L.

orchid,
He is thinking of moving in with his other sister, the one he gets along with and she has not chosen sides she is being netural. What do you mean he is wavering? I am not sure what you mean. I have seen the no life eyes many times. But I have also seen the H eyes as well. Hard to believe how they can change personalities so fast.

BTW his family is my biggest support group and he does feel we are all ganging up on him. The funny thing is they arn't ganging up , last nite was the 3rd time they have seen him in 4 weeks. And they don't call him at all.