Sounds like a plan.

Plan B should not be initiated impulsively, or in a moment of pain. It is a decision, not a mood. So it's best to make sure you aren't going to recant once it begins, to make sure it's what YOU want to do. Nothing is more unconvincing than sending a PBL, and then relenting when WH suddenly starts calling to test your limits.

You might want a little breather, too, to think.

Hurting - aaaaahhhhh, If only these OW's could stay gone for good. But usually, they just keep showing up. We will see. But don't be terribly surprised if she is NOT gone.

your so right A.M. I don't want to rush this PBL and then find out the A is over for sure and regret it. I also think me making no contact will give me some breathing room and time to think myself. I don't think he will be calling to awful much. Time is in my side for sure in this and one more week just to make sure what is really happening will do no harm I don't think. keeping fingers and toes crossed that the A is really over .....

I won't be surprised believer , I do have my doubts for sure. But I would much rather make sure before jumping into Plan B. Like I said one more week isn't going to make much difference I don't think.....

You are right, one week won't make a difference at all. Just be prepared. I speak from experience. When WH agreed to NC with OW, he even stood up in church with me, and asked for prayers for strength. That same Sunday night, was the night I caught them in bed together. He said she showed up on the porch with nothing on but a coat, "What was I supposed to do?"

wow believer that unbelievable. I can only imagine how you felt. At least I have not had to actually see them together at all, more or less in bed. I know anything could happen but I am trying to give WH the benifit of a doubt , not that he deserves it but for my own piece of mind just in case its true.

Well another day has dawned and I am awake again. I actually slept pretty good last nite, first time in a while. Something happen to me yesterday that was amazing, I was so upset yesterday morning I could not stop crying over this. But late yesterday afyernoon something came over me, it was like a weight had been lifted from me. I felt good and not so sad.The feeling still continues, I'm not sure what happen but its wonderful. Maybe god decided I was ready to move ahead and not worry so much over this anymore. I still have hope for my M and I still love WH but I now know things will be ok no matter what the outcome is.

Ok let me say that while I don't necessarily have a problem with you holding off of plan B for a few days...because I also am a firm believer that it is better done during the calm so not to be diminished and dismissed as some wacky thing on the BS part...

YOUR need to go to Plan B has absolutely nothing to do with contact with the OW...
she is nothing at this point in comparison to the continued chaos he thinks nothing of visiting in front of his own children.......
and he needs to fix that damage one way or another...and you aren't going to do that work for him.....
YOUR need to go to plan B is that your husband came home under false pretenses AND screwed once again with the childrens hopes and safety...

the old saying is fool me once shame on you...
fool me twice shame on me...

from here on out he either earns his way back in to this marriage..OR
he earns his way out...

I don't care if he's on his knees begging you this week ...you be calm short and nice and ride it out till the day you hit him with the Plan B letter....

he is too labile to be around children sucking them in to his world of I am your father...I am safe...I am your father and I am too selfish to be safe for you...

What is the deal with him OWING money to people at work...
what's THAT all about..
truth
or
lie ??

what grown man owes people from work....

I want happy music on in your home so that IF he calls you have to say wait a minute let me turn down the Artist formerly known as Prince who is now allowed to be called Prince again.......... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Infact I'm all for you asking your SIL to mention to him how busy you are this week when it's convieniant to do so...

how you have PLANS>....
and are going SOMEWHERE..

you give the plan B letter...
and if he wants back ..he better not say a squeek to you till he has looked in to every counselor available in your area and made appointments with at least three of them..

if he wants back he better not say a word to you till he hands over his cell phone

you do NONE of the work from this moment out..
you also need to continue to seek legal aide....if the waiting period was three weeks..sign up yesterday to let the countdown begin..............

ARK

I totally agree with Ark. Her post is right on the $$ and then some. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Believer and AM are giving you good pointers also.

That' feeling you had this afternoon and the weight being lifted off your shoulders? C/b a turning point or short lived andrenaline kicking in. Hopefully it will mean that your heart and mind are finally coming into sync and you can start to make better decisions to move forward(like going to plan B).

Right now the WS is still a WS. He is NOT an Xws..... yet. Even though he may not be having physical contact with the OW, he m/b having an EA with her in his head (aka: withdrawal). This makes him dangerous material for the BS. All the more reason to go dark.

Also right now your W side wants her H back so bad, that you m/b willing settle for a WS. WRONG!!!! You want your H back. Let the alien die a slow but permanent death so that your H can be set free from his kidnapped state and come home. If you let the alien back, why would he ever release your H? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Think about that!

You have your SIL and MIL being part of your support group. Count your blessings but make sure you stay safe. The sad part is that your children are on the front lines of your support group as you are on their front lines of their support groups. Together you all can protect each other from the onslaught of the alien.

Here's a point.....the alien can't survive without what WS thrive on most: Chaos, greed, confusion, selfishness, drama and egotism. Along with that often comes the need to spend foolishly, make stupid decisions, threaten to hurt or harm themselves or others (physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, ethically, etc.). Last but not least, the insane desire to manipulate others to enable their WS ways and continue the A. Left unchecked, this can spread even outside one's family.

Knowing the above will help the BS learn how to have distain for the WS and learn to love ONLY their real spouse.

Keep working at putting your mind and heart in sync.

take care,
L.

Very good advice ark and I agree with it all. I am not allowing him to come home anytime soon. He has way to much work to do. As far as the money goes he owes it to a friend of ours not someone at work. and he gave me the cell phone when he left on Thurs. so he has not has that for 3 days now. He also knows, I have told him he has to go to counceling. I know the alien is far from gone right now , I have seen enough of the alien to make me sick. So not to worry WH is not coming to this house , he has been here once and tore it up again and I won't allow it again ....

Wh was suppose to pick S up for bowling this morning at 11. Well I left the house so not to be here, I returned at 11:30 s still here. Seems WH was still at his sisters waiting so her boys could bowl 2. WH called and asked S if I could bring him to bowling alley. I took S amd we sat for 30 mins waiting. Finally WH showed up. He parked his truck and got out. I never said anything or made a move to look at him. He glanced over and looked away and then walked straight in to the bowling alley. He is doing a good job right now of not looking at me and ignoring me. Not sure if its guilt or just plain indiffrence. Wish I knew. Hard to believe we go from him being here and saying ILY 4 days ago to total silence and avoidence. It kinda has me worried in a way but then again I know its for the best for now for me and him.

That's why they call it a rollercoaster ride. Sickening isn't it? Worse, it isn't stable and definitely not trustworthy no matter if it looks good or bad. The point is, he can not be trusted to be consistent.

L.

Hang in there hurting, it seems you WH's tactics change with the wind. You just have to laugh at these aliens sometimes "I'm not looking at you...see I'm not looking, see?" Next maybe he'll call to say he doesn't want to talk to you.

Ohe did say he didn't want to talk to me or see me. So far the talking has not happen. He called 3 times yesterday and every time he called it was something he could have had someone else take care of....

ok maybe next...he'll think of something that needs fixing.

He won't think of the obvious thing like...HIM!

Hurting - Well, rest up for Plan B. You are going to have a difficult time, because for being a WH, your husband is very attached to you. I will be EXTREMELY surprised if he doesn't continue trying to contact you.

Well I do believe this all may be over now. I was at bowling alley seeing friends when WH showed up. He of ignored me and said nothing. I went outside to smoke and noticed his truck was not there. could not figure out how he got there. Looked around and there was OW's car. He had been with her and was driving it. Seems he was out all nite last nite to. MIL told me this evening after SIL told her. Anyhow I became upset and left bowling alley. After going to MIL home , I was crying and decided I needed to go back and say something to him.

I went back to bowling alley and told him I needed to speak to him. He was doing something so I waited a few mins. He finally talked to me and gave me a blank stare the whole time. I asked him " do you want a divorce'? He looked at me and said yes I do , I told you that the other day when I left. I told him no you never said that. He said well I do. I also told him I was tired of his games and being a yoyo. He looked at me and said I'm not playing any games.I then said something maybe I shouldn't have but here goes. I told him "Well I hope you and OW and the sugar daddy will be happy". He looked at me and said Oh we will be. I turned and walked away.

Maybe I need to face it he really is done with me. I just can't imagine throwing away 24 yrs so easy, over some bimbo who has had so many men. In fact one of the guys tonite was talking about how she hit on him last year. And of course this man is married as well. Everyone just can't believe WH fell for such a piece of trash.

I don't know what to do anymore. I have a feeling he will be moving back with her soon. I can't believe after all the lies and anger she had because of it , she would take him back. But then again I am willing to do the same thing. So I guess that makes me as crazy as her.

So there is no point in planb I guess, because its over as far as he is concerned. I am so upset right now, I can't think straight or anything. I still love this man even after all this.

no hurting it is NOT OVER

the one thing i'm learning from everyone here is that sometimes they nned to move in with the OW in order to see that she IS NOT the person they want to be with.

i will let the "wise ones" here advise you but i think plan B is exactly what you need.

he still thinks HE has a CHOICE-you or her...

seems to me that SHE gave him a choice HER or YOU and he chased after the person he couldn't have-her

so now yu need to do the same!!!!

give him the choice her and the life he would have with her..or you and no contact with her again

plan B is your chance to make him CHASE YOU!

sad that it comes down to games isn't it? but it's the game of life and it's your turn to make the next move

plan B!

eav, I understand what you are saying but he has already lived with her. He was there for one month until he came home this past monday. so he has had a taste of living with her, guess it wasn't so bad. He must have liked it because he has choosen her again.

I just don't get it!!!!!!

This is exactly the time for Plan B. Since you've already written the PBL, you can send it to him by email.

Since you think it's over, there's nothing to lose. Plan B will give you peace and silence. You don't want to STAY on this rollercoaster, do you? The letter will just, at worst, end things on a nicer note than tonight. At best, it sets the stage for recovery.

What do you have to lose? It's not going to get any worse.

Now that you know OW is still in the picture, you've got the confirmation you were looking for.




No, no, no, no, no. Plan B is not an attempt to manipulate your spouse. It's a plan to withdraw from the games, the lies, the manipulation. It's a time to restore your sense of well-being.

Hurting, you don't want to be talking to him about D. You don't want to be sniping at him (an LB). You don't want to be seeing the OW's car (or was it truck? yuck!). You want to restore your sanity.

That's what Plan B is for. But steel yourself -- my guess is he will try to contact you. Don't break. Don't give in. Don't answer your phone. DON'T EVEN BE HOME! Or your words become meaningless, and be seen as another weak attempt to manipulate the situation, rather than a resolution to enforce your boundaries.

Plan B puts you above the level of the A.