You said all you need to say to your son about WH and HIS problems and the mess HE created. Leave it at that.

DO NOT engage in any sort of conversation one on one or through SIL or MIL with H. I wouldn't give him the SS numbers either. If he wants them he can get an attorney and have the attorney request them. He should have thought about all of that stuff - clothes, SS numbers etc before he walked out of your house.

Again, the best thing you can do is stuff that's out of the "ordinary" for you. Try and do something for yourself to take your mind (at least temporarily) off of stuff. Exercise is a great way to do that. Take a walk. Start taking care of yourself and other things will fall into place.

Do not play into his games. That's what he wants, then it justifies his actions. DON'T communicate with him period!!! I can't say that enough times. Do not answer his phone calls, return his phone calls, relay through SIL, MIL etc.

If you need to give him a Plan B letter send it in the mail today and keep it short and sweet and to the point, so he knows YOU mean business.

I have the plan B letter in my purse ready to go. I really dob't think he will read it but nothing I can do about it. I just don't see how you go from being home and trying to work on M last week to 4 days later pushing so hard for a D. I can't help that someone else took it upon themselves to call OW and tell her off. But then again as WH says its all my fault because I talk to people about this private A of his. he knows I had nothing to do with it. How can I slow him down on this D thing? I know right now he really believes its what he wants but I do fear he will live ot regret it very much.... I am so afraid he will really do it...

Don't worry about all of that crap. It's typical of WH in the alien, fogged state. He is looking for anything and everything to blame you. It justifies his actions. Don't play into it. Don't acknowledge it. The OW is giving him fits right now, I'll guarantee it. She's putting the pressure on. He'll grow tired of it.

Get yourself out and get a haircut, go for a walk, go the the library etc. etc. Do you have a passion for something that you can look into volunteering somewhere. Start doing for yourself.

The more you try to understand his behvior the more confused you get, so let it go as much as you can. Put good thoughts into you head. I know easier said than done, but the more you practice it, the easier it gets.

WH just called and left me a message that things got this way because other people out there don't know whats going on and stick there noses in it. So now he is divorcing me because of other people sticking there noses in it.... he also wants the grandkids SS numbers and full names. He says he can't call son because son wnats nothing to do with him .... what is this man doing?

just be too busy to reply..........

please don't get caught up emotionally in his garbage...
inanutshell is correct...

you don't have to do a lick of work for him...

be prepared for him to enter the home though and try to get things...

what is your plan for that...
can you store important papers somewhere safe

do nothing to help him

quit worrying about the rantings of an irrational person...

let the answering machine pick up all messges from him be prepared to keep tapings of his calls as he escalates his antics when he realizes you aren't coming out to play with him.......

dark dark dark

ARK ARK ARK

I don't understan why OW is pressuring him so ... she is not divorced herself been seperated for 6 years..... but she did tell WH he could not come back until he had D papers in hand..... OMG this is really happening

I have all important papers put up... He can't get in the house without breaking in. He has no keys. SS numbers are in my purse with me at all times. He is really getting deperate I guess to be pushing so hard ...

yep it is really happening..

what is really happening is a man choosing to let an Ow control to the point of doing damage to his children and wife.....
no good will come of this....


and this will blow up in their faces...
this is a house of cards built on shifting sands........

this is NONE of your concern..
the more you sit back..the more they will self destruct...

this man will read the plan b letter...
this man is running so fast from himself...shortly he will become exhausted.......

ARK

Well I just have to accept he is going through with this D. Or claims he is anyway.

I hope he reads the plamb letter......

ARK said it all. Sit back. My FWH came to our house to stir the **it. You do need to have a plan for it. If he does come, the best thing you can do is remove yourself immediately. Go somewhere. Don't engage him. In our state he has full right to be in your house unless there's a court document saying he cant'. In order to not stir the pot - - again remove yourself. He'll leave the house sooner than later because he won't have anyone to rant and rave to. That's what he's looking for. He can't act that way in front of OW, so he's taking it out on the good ole standby - you.


ARK is also right. Let answering machine pick it up and record. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT speak to him. He's on the fast path for self-destruct. Let him do it all by himself.

Oh believe me I have no intentions of speaking to him. If I had any idea it was him on the phone I would not have answered it. any more numbers come uo I don't know aswering amchine or voice mail will answer it.

I now know going dark is the best way to handle this. He will have to do all of this on his own. I will not help him move forward with his plans at all..... He wants a D he can do it alone.......

hurting...why do you believe the words from a man who doesn't know the truth from a hole in the ground...

and continue to post the Eyore like gloom and doom posts..how he is moving on and divorcing you and happy about all in his life...

it is proposterous....

yet you believe him over us...

why be afraid of losing him to divorce right now..

I hope that the truth is that if he called right now and said he wanted to come home...you'd say no way...

would you really want such a toxic partner and parent in your world right now....

but I fear you'd let him back in....

I am always much more afraid of a WS that says he's coming home with no plan or insight in to his actions...
than a WS making hit and run threats of speaking of divorce in bowling alleys and calling demanding social security numbers...

and his telling the son to come live with him and OW>...is pathetic...next time dad says such a thing I would tell him to tell him..

sorry dad...you better find someone else to babysit your new instant family....

ARK

I know ARK you are right, I just feel so hurt and down this morning. But one thing I can promise you if he was to call right now and ask to come home it would be a huge big NO!!!

he can't come home until I know he is truly ready and willing to do the right thing. And I know that is somewhere way down the road.

I do believe you all, I have followed your advice here bery well, except for letting him come home last week, I made a mistake and I won't make it again. I guess I just need reassurance from everyone here that he is still the WH and not the H. In my mind I know thats the case but in my heart I'm still not sure.

Again ARK ty so much for your help .

this woman he is running to...has already showed in her actions the gross disrespect she has for honesty..

this simple minded ploy of demanding divorce papers AS if it negates her past actions that define exactly how much she values honesty and respect speak volumes...

it is as assinine as revirginization....
she is valueless...and to suddenly claim values..will blow up in both their faces....

her past actions of bringing a married man in to her home and exposing her child to a relvolving instant dad defines her ....

he can't trust her she is as untrustable as him

you can't trust a woman that sanctions such pathetic treatment of a wife and children and makes it OK as long as that person treats THEM nice....

your husband knows what a snake she is...for he is of the same breed right now.....

there is no way to kiss a man on forhead and tell them they are a good man...when both he and knows that is not true...based on the cruel way they treat people...

you can't pretend that stuff...

ARK

(((hurting)))
Take a deep breath...your WH is not only an alien but he is a ping pong ball!! He is bouncing all over the place! This is the same guy who was going to move to Iraq a little while ago. He is not your H. Have you seen the Exorcist? That nothing compared to the demons your H is fighting w/ WH. I'm surprised his head isn't spinning!!

Don't speak with him. DO NOT let him back home until he earns it. He is attention seeking.

As far as the divorce goes when you get a letter from a lawyer you can start taking him seriously. There is a lot of paperwork associated with anything legal...jeez this guy doesn't even know his own kids full names.

I agree time for Plan B...I say he will read the letter and hide from OW. Did I read in "Surviving an Affair" send a copy to OW as well? Go dark...he will really bounce off the walls then...take precautions to protect yourself...you said he took his hunting guns.

so very true ARK. And I do know someday this is going to blow big time. I know the trust can't be there and I would be willing to bet , she knows his every move for now. That will get tiresome before long as well.

Your right the sands will shift and they both will be sinking very deep into their own self loathing.

Its really sad when you think about it, how someone has to destroy their own lives to realize the mistakes they have made. And then they have to pray and hope that all of the people the hurt doing this will forgive them and give them another chance .....

Confused,

he didn't know the full names of the grandkids. I think he may changing his life insurance. But whatever. Yes I also read in Surviving and Affair to send the OW a copy of Plan B letter, but not sure if I should.

yes he took his hunting guns, but of that I am not worried they are at his sisters. I think he took those just because they were his fathers who has passed on.

As far as being dark I am having no problem with that at this point. I need the peace....

Plan B letter has been delivered. I was babysitting at SIL house for her when WH showed up. He had gotten of work early and came to get a change of clothes , going to OW's I am sure. Anyhow he came in didn't say anything to me. I took the letter from my purse and gave it to him. He asked do you want me to read this now or later. I said whenever you want. He read the letter and never said one word. SIL came home and she told him how much money he owed her for school supplies.

WH then got the alarm clock and was very quiet and left. I guess OW does not have an alarm clock. lol

Anyhow Plan B is now in effect. Not sure how the letter impacted him if at all but we shall see I guess..... This is gonna be hard guys but I am going to do it......

forgot to say, SIL has decided since WH don't sleep there at nite now she is going to ask him to leave because its really confusing her little ones. They want to know how come Uncle WH is not there but his clothes are. I told her do what ya gotta do.

Also when WH left he had the letter in his shirt pocket. Just wondering if he is gonna let OW read it..... Hard to say ..

who cares what he and the OW do right now..one thing is for sure they will spend hours and hours tonight discussing you>>>>>>>>>>>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cause that way they don't have to discuss THEIR actions...

welcome to the choas free zone...
where you worry about you and those awesome kids...

ARK