We both are looking for jobs but D in school so a little harder for her. I am going to Human Services tomorrow to se what I can do. My mom is sending me some money to help me out as well.

MIL called WH tonite at OW's home and they had it out. She told him how could he hurt everyone so much. He says I have hurt no one. she said your wife didn't deserve this after 24 yrs. he said well you won't have to worry much longer about it I am getting a Divorce..... he then said when he gets paid friday he will give me money. The man is a nut case right now , he still sees all this as my fault and he has done nothing worng. He is so far gone I really don't know if he will ever come back out of the fog.....

right now I am so angry I don't care if I ever see him again. Then again tomorrow is another day and maybe after a good nites sleep I can see the love I still have.

I just don't know right now if I could ever forgive him or trust him again , if he ever wants to come back.....

guess I am rambling here now , but I really do feel this may be over. Something in me says he is done and no matter what I say or do or not do will help.

I don't want it to be over but I can accept it, I will move on and wish him well. I don't want to have bad feelings or hate between us, we have 3 beautiful children and 2 grandsons who need us both.

I think I am to the point now that I have to say all of this to myself so I can become stronger and move on. and if by some chance slim as it may be he does ever become H again, it will be a welcome surprise and I can be happy and welcome him home. for now I have to pretend its done so I can heal and live life.....

Can your daughter get child support? Or some kind of state or county aid? That would be one avenue.

I just am starting to love your MIL. She is so unusual. Most in-laws side with the WS. I was always extremely close to my BIL and 2 SIL's. They dropped me like a hot potato, even though for the last 15 years, they always said I was the best thing that ever happened to their brother.

When your WH wakes up to what he is doing, your recovery will be easier without having to deal with family members who supported him.

Oh my MIl is the greatest she is my biggest supporter besides my family,. She is devestated by this and she is more done with him than i am. I don't know if he can fix his relationship with her. She is French and very passionate about things and family is one thing she is the most passionate about. She is my rock and without her I would be lost.

Beleiver I don't know if there will ever be a recovery in this, he really seems so sure about all this. And I do believe D papers are not far from coming. If not its only because of money issues.

I really think OW has him so far brainwashed with her crap I don't know if he can see through it.

Oh reminds me MIL told him tonite, what kind of woman is she? Do you know she had been after some of the other married men at the bowling alley? I won't tell you the names but it's true ask her about it...... She said WH said nothing it got very quiet... Sad part of it is .. what MIL said to him is the truth I found out Sat. nite by the men telling me themselves it happen last bowling season and my dumb H fell for it because he was going through a rough time with me.

As far a support of him there is none..... No friends or family is giving him any support. All he has right now is OW....... pretty sad isn't it?

I can get child support for D because she is still in high school ......

I have lots of hope for your situation. You can't see it right now, because you are too close to it.

I did not recover my marriage, but my situation is much different from yours. For one thing, I didn't find this site until almost 8 months after the affair started. I never did a Plan A. I threw WH out on D-day.

Also we had no children together, although we raised 6 of his and mine.

Add the fact that the OW is 20 years younger than my WH and I. Also she abandoned her 12 year old daughter to move in with WH. So they have no kids, no everyday problems, just fun, fun, fun.

I see signs of the affair unraveling now. For one thing, OW has been occasionally having SF with her husband again. But I don't want WH back anymore. I'm sure she will dump him at some point though.

hurtinginokla -
No words of wisdom, but I feel for you. I don't know how one human can treat another so shabbily, let alone one they gave a solemn vow to in front of God and everyone. Hang in there.

Oh believer I wish right now I could have your insight to all this. I don't see anymore hope left. He has turned so cold and mean just in the last 5 days.

I am not saying I won't continue to try but I sometimes think he really is serious about this D thng. he truly believe he is doing the right thing and I don't see it letting up any time soon and OW has a really good hold on him right now....

Please tell me what you see that I'm not seeing. Maybe it will give me the spark I need to keep going ....

ty, Trixie for the kind thought. and you hang in there as well and please follow all of the wonderful advice you will get. These wonderful people here know what they are talking aobut .....

hurting -

You can't see it right now, because you are too close to the situation. They all turn cold and mean. That is just the way it is. He needs to fall flat on his face. Hope you will let him.

The OW is not really an option for him. He doesn't see that right now. But believe me, men don't want the town wh*re. That will eat at him. So hang on, it's gonna be a rough ride.

What I'm seeing: "This too will pass."

Being in Plan B means that you don't have to think about all this. Think about being by yourself for now. What can you do now that you couldn't do before? Sing dirty songs? Have lunch with old girlfriends? Read? Scratch where it itches?


P.S. Not having a phone working means you can call the eight employers to check on the status of your application -- say that your phone line is getting repaired or something. (How can you be on the internet with no phone line?)

As bad as it will hurt to know that will happen, I know thats what has to happen. I just hope I can hang on that long.

I know for sure that OW is not who or what he needs , just wish he could see it. She is nothing but a user and tries to get what she can. I mean lets face it she is not willing to give up her sugar d addy for him... He said that himself.. As far as the rough ride goes I have my seat belt fastened. For now at least ......

I have a satallite connection. A.M. ..... thank goodness...

Yes I will check the apps. myself. I have more to fill out but will use MIL's phone and my cell phone.... In fact I think I put my cell on all the apps anyway ....

You both have made me feel alot better tonite. I hate when I get so down and upset.

Oh yeah I am doing some things with friends over the weekend so that will help me take my mind off all this crap.

AM Martin is absolutely right. Let's stop thinking about WS. You need to have complete trust in the program here. It DOES work. I promise you that. I have seen tons of couples get back together and go on to recovery. Many were in much worse situations than you are.

your right believer, I have got to stop this unending wondering and waiting game it sure isn't helping my attitude and it sure isn't helping me feel good about WH right now.

So onward and upward , job hunting tomorrow and maybe just maybe a walk around the mall...

this is soooo good to hear!

eav -

While the people that come here have marriages that are in big trouble, the program does work. We are taught here to do the things that don't "feel" right, but they are the things that must be done to save the marriage.

Like Bob Pure says - this is a hero's gig. It is not for the faint of heart. But this is the way to bring marriages back from the brink. There have been many, many success stories here. I hope that you and Hurting will have confidence that this is the place to be and the plan to work on.

thanks believer

this is the only hope i have left...and i do "believe" too!

i am strong enough to do what i have to...

i have too much to lose to let fear stop me...fear is what is keeping me going

fear of losing the love of my life

i appreciate everyone's help here

eav -

I only wish I could pass on to you what I know now. When I first found this place, I thought all of the people here were crazy. I read here for many months before I posted. But I had already thrown WH out.

Looking back, there were times that I think that our marriage could have been saved. My WH tells me to this day that he wanted to save it, but just didn't know how.

I was very angry and willful. I made all kinds of mistakes, LB'd all of the time. I did no Plan A, and a very poor Plan B.

WH tried to have NC with OW, but it never lasted. When he came to me for support, I just couldn't give it. I was like - give me a break - you cheating piece of sh*t - now I'm supposed to help you?

Sadly, I no longer care. And THAT is the biggest threat to many of the marriages here. The BS will run out of steam and quit caring.

That is what I am fighting right now the not caring thing. I know I love my H but right now he has hurt me so much with his cruel words and actions I am close to not caring.

Thats why I know Plan B is the best thing for me so I will not loose what I have left for him in my heart.

To be honest if someone had asked me last nite what I wanted , I would have said " I want him gone and never to come back." Thats how bad I felt but in the light of this morning I know thats not true.

Time to take the bull by the horns and do for me and let him flounder and fall by himself and when he does I will be there to help him if he wants me to.