No truer words were ever spoken thats for sure Mimi.....

Not saying it will be any time soon before I don't want him, but I do know one thing it won't take yrs. I just don't think I can wait that long for someone to decide whats right.

I don't want to be alone forever waiting, I have needs and wants to. I am not saying I am going to go find someone to fill them, thats the furthest thing from my mind now. But I do know one day I will want to.

I pray everynight for God to help him realize what he has done. I know God is listening and he will do it when the time is right. Beleiving in God and praying has been a wonderful thing for me and has helped me through many long nights and I know he is watching over me.

TY Mimi for your time and support , I do appreciate it so much ...

Just found out that my 15 yr old son wants to see his dad this weekend. He asked his dad about coming to OW's apt. WH said ok.

I just told son that I will not allow this to happen. I explained to him that his dad is a married man living with another woman and what he is doing is wrong and a sin. And that I do not want him to be around it. He was upset because he wants to see his dad. I told him he can spend as much time as he wants with his dad but not at OW's home.
My daughter piped in and said mom he is 15 he should be able to choose if he wants to go there. I said no its my descion and I am not allowing it to happen. I told her if you think its so good why don't you go stay with them...

I am so angry right now I can't see straight. I know D is going to tell her dad what I said, so I am sure he will flip out.

How do I handle this now ????

Maybe your son ought to move in with his Dad... Boys this age often choose to live with their Dad and not their Mom ....

I would say send BOTH kids. Maybe that will make D open her eyes a little bit. You should really let your son go, so he doesn't end up resenting you.

Relay to your SIL that the kids need to follow the same rules as in your home. (decent bed time, etc.)

Also, you should put a sign in your front yard that you have free stuff to give away in your back yard.

Sorry Pepper but thats not happening. why would I allow my son to move into the OW's home with his unfaithful father.
I don't want my son around this woman, why expose him to this affair and have him see his father who was just last week moves back home and sleep with me and 3 days later move back with OW and see him go to sleep with her. My son is confused enough without this.. I want him to grow up and be a decent man not someone who thinks they can walk away and discard their family and its ok.....

I know this is going to turn into a big fight with WH but I am ready ....

No you all arn't getting it .. Not SIL hosue but the OW"s house !!!!!!!!

I'm getting it and I agree. I wouldn't want them going to OW's home. If WH wants to see them and they in return, WH can find an activity outside of OW's home. The least he can do is respect that - but don't count on it.

No need to get into it with WH. Don't engage him period.

On the other hand, if WH picks them up you have no control over where they go or who they spend the time with. KWIM. It's something you're going to have to deal with. It's one of those things you can't completely control. Make your wishes known and drop it at that.

Tell the kids that you want them to spend time with their father, however, you're not comfortable with them going to OW's house. He should be spending time with them period and bring no one else along.

I would guess some of this is driven by OW, as she thinks they'll all be one happy family and life is wonderful.

As for your statement about why OW would do this to someone else etc. My theory is the majority of OW's are mentally arrested for one reason or another. In other words, they haven't emotionaly progressed out of their late teens and 20's. No self-respect, respect for others or self control. I would say people who are in the "norm" do stupid stuff and many times think of no one else until they reach their mid 20's when life experiences start catching up and making sense. These OW (I don't want argument about WH's - I'm strictly speaking of OW's here) just don't get it and IMHO they never will get it.

So much for standing on my soapbox today.

Your right inanutshell. I thought about it and told son if he wants to go I won't stop it but he knows how I feel.

I just feel like this will make WH think what he is doing is ok. Now D on the other hand won't go because its a small town. I think this will just allow WH to justify more and have no feelings of what he is doing is wrong. Why do I feel like thisis just getting worse instead of better?

It will get worse before it gets better.

Best thing you can do is detach and occupy your mind and time with other things.

How much worse can it get???? Seems to me the only thing worse would be him filing D papers.....

Power.

His behavior. Show him you're getting on with life. Again, clean up the yard, spiffy up the house, clean the car, fix your hair, be gone when you think he may call or come over, ie after work, before work etc. Make other plans and don't tell kids or WH where you're going. Let the kids know they can reach you on the cell phone. Take care of yourself and your surroundings and all will fall into place. I'm not saying for one minutes it's easy, but what's the alternative. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself etc. Don't let him see you sweat. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As far as filing for D. Now do you really think he's going to make an appt with an attorney, slap down money, make a list of what you own and how he wants to see it divided, etc. etc. etc.

All talk, no action, cakemen and. and. and.....

This is always so hard. I remember the first time my boys went to visit Dad at OW's! I smiled until they had walked out the door, and then I cried all night!
But I want to address this:
I just feel like this will make WH think what he is doing is ok.

In reality, having his son visit him at OWs apratment will make the R look even worse. When your WH is faced with the reality of his son, the son that he had with you, visiting him in some cheap apartment, where he lives with a woman that is not his wife - not your sons Mama, your wH is going to feel like crap. Your son is going to feel very uncomfortable, and your WH is going to feel uncomfortable, and WH will start to see the reality of what this R is going to be like.

There is no perfect answer here - this is one of those situations that should never happen. 15 year old boys should never be faced with this sort of dilema. But you deal with it the best you can. I agree that you have to let him have a chance to go, if that is what he wants. But I guarantee that it will not make WH feel even more "normal". Just having his son there will be a reminder that this is not home.

My cousin once told me that I should let my WxH have as many personal items as he wants - even something simple like a bath towel. Because seeing that bath towel would remind him that it used to hang in our bathroom, and now it isn't. It would remind him of home.
Just imagine how much he will be reminded of home when he sees your son.

Hang in there. You are really are doing an awesome job. Even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

Do you have a good church that you are plugged into?

Hurting;

How old is your son?

If he is not an adult, I would tell him NO. Do you let him do whatever he wants to do? Isn't it your job as a parent to protect him from danger? The OW's place is not a place for your child. I would do everything in my power to keep him from there....

Remember your WH is an alien, under the influence of the A addiction. Let him know that he is free to visit with his F any other place but not at her apartment...or wherever... this will have negative effects on his life, his R with his F to participate in this. His F is not looking out for his best interests so you have to step up and do this..

Just think how disrespectful he will be to you once this happens...

His F is certainly disrespecting you by suggesting this....

Stand up for yourself Hurting...

This is a BATTLE....

At 15, you've probably done a pretty good job of setting his moral course.
You've told him how you feel about the situation. You've done what you can.

Now use this to your best advantage. Not only should son go spend time with the happy couple, but he should infringe upon as much "couple" time as he possibly can. They are honeymooning. Nothing interrupts that better than CHILDREN and RESPONSIBILITIES.

I LOVED it when Faith's husband said he wanted to spend as much time with the kids as possible and she suggested the kids move in with him and OW! He nearly choked!

I want to thank all of you for the wonderful advice. I thought about it and decided to let Son make up his own mind. he knows how I feel and I have taught him moral. He has decided not to go. Good boy that he is.....

I did find out that WH and OW did start bowling together Tues, nite as a couple. My friend who works there said OW acted very nervous all nite when she was around. Also said WH was pumping her for information about anything I or my other friend may have said. She did say he told her that he was going to cash in his vacation pay to pay for the D. Well his vacation pay would barely cover the retainer fee for the lawyer , more less the filing fee.

I am to the point now do what ya want to because you will live to regret it. I have decided to pack up the rest of his stuff and take it to his sisters and tell her to tell him he has no excuse to come to my house anymore....

I am not giving up, but he wants a D fine, I will let him live like its already done and see how he likes it. Maybe he will maybe he won't but thats his problem not mine....

maybe I'll slip a few of our wedding pictures in the box ..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Threadjack: Mimi, what about the Allender book! We are waiting!

Have you cleaned the house sparkling yet? Rearrange things? Made it look completely different? Redone the bedroom in purple, complete with a mosquito net? (That's what I did).

I'd like to see the Hurting train start going down the tracks.

As far as your son, I know how you feel. Mine boys are older - 20 and 23. They went to family events where I was replaced by OW. I told them that is was really hurtful and disrespectful of WH to bring her, since we are still married. I left it at that. I felt like I had the duty to express my values, then dropped it.

I don't think it matters much if he goes or doesn't go. His morals are already formed. But I think you have the right to point out that his father living with the OW is NOT acceptable to moral people.

House is lloking pretty good here believer..... and I love purple thats my favorite color.....

yes I am proud of my son that he knows what his dad is doing is wrong. And I do understand his need to spend time with him. After I left the decsion to him he made the right one.....