Not having a good morning already. Can't get the kids outta bed. Thats what happens when its a late nite for them with WH at bowling alley. Guess I won't allow that amymore.

I'm not liking being the only reposible parent here. WH now trying to be the fun and knight in shining armour parent... Its just so unfair.....

Well this just keeps getting worse. Neither kid went to school, it turned into a big fight. Not a whole lot I can do seeing how they both bigger than me.

Called MIL she came to try and help but that didn't work either. son got mad and said he was moving with his dad. i got angry and told him, " Don't be like your dad and run from your problems, it won't solve them."

I finally got son to talk to me and I told him what he was doing is not fair and I don't feel threatening me with moving with his dad is fair either. I asked him do you really want to live with someone who runs from their problems and leaves his family to move in with another woman? Someone who does not care or tries to do the right thing? he said no mom I don't want to live with him. I said to him I am not the one who walked out on our family and I am tired of being treated this way. I am here for the long haul and love you very much.

I asked him to think about what he says and I will not tolerate him threatning to move, I said to him tell me what does your dad do for you right now? He said nothing unless he wants us to something for him. I said does your dad spend time with you, does he call just to talk to you? he says no. I said see my point, he only spends time with you when you make the effort to go to the bowling alley to see him.

So the next question was , " So tell me son do you think we all deserved this? Did I deserve being treated like this, do you?" He said no mom. I hope I got through to him, and I hope he sees now exactly whats going on and how his dad only for himself...

I am just so tired of all of this, I will keep on keeping on and one day just maybe this will all come full circle and WH will see the errors of his ways....

Wh must have read the PlanB letter again and got it. He had his sister call me to let me know how much money to transfer. He didn't try to make contact at all yesterday. I guess this is a good thing..... I know for me it is but it does make me wonder if he is now glad I don't want to see or speak to him.....

I know before you all say it I'm not suppose to worry about it, but I can't help but wonder....

You are right, you're not supposed to worry about it.

Start thinking about getting more control over your son and daughter too. I raised my sons alone for 12 years, and they were both bigger than me. So I knew that I had to maintain the power.

The youngest started skipping school at about 16. I dropped him off in the morning and then he would skip certain classes. When I found out, I put in for vacation at work, talked to the teachers and got permission to go to school with him. I plopped myself down beside him in class. I only had to do that one day, and he promised that he would never ever skip another class. He kept the promise and graduated.

Your kids need to know that mom will do whatever it takes to keep them making good choices. I would let them know that there will no longer be late nights at the bowling alley on school nights.

AMEN to BELIEVER!!!

It's going to be important to stop your son in his tracks towards eventually using this situation in his upcoming adolescent conflicts....the time is coming..he's ONLY 15

That's been our experience with our 18 year old son....

hurting - Try to get the book "Back in Contro" by Gregory Bodenhamer. He has a great program that works very quickly. It is all about consistency and follow-through.

His premise is that people and children will continue making bad choices, as long as they are rewarded part of the time.

I was surprised how quickly it worked on my kids. It just took a couple of weeks.

I am almost to the point of saying go live with your dad. I don't want that but I just don't knkow what else to do .

Just got off the phone with my sister, she says to ..." its over why can't you see that and just move back here with us?" Let the kids live with their dad.... I told her I can't do that ..... She says to me how much more is it going to take before you realize WH is done and will divorce you? ....Maybe she is right .....

I do know one thing I cannot and will not leave my kids .... and deep down inside I don't think its over ...I told her this and she says I am living in a dream and to give it up .....I am more confused than ever now ...

It is not over. Our family loves us, and doesn't want to see us hurt more. Her reaction is very common. Ignore it.

Don't even think about leaving your kids. They need at least one sane adult in their lives.

You can do this. We women have been the strong ones throughout the ages. Continue doing what you MUST do.

Oh believer I know you are right.

I know my family loves me and they think they are helping me by saying that. But I do know leaving won't solve anything. That would make me like him running away from my problems. Not only that it would make it way to easy for him.

I can't give up not yet... I still have some hope left inside. It just seems everyday that its something new to throw me off.

I tried to tell my sister all this but she thinks I am nuts to believe it will all work out. She was divorced from her hubby of 15 yrs about 7 yrs ago. He told her the same stuff my WH tells me but she didn't fight for her marriage. She just gave up ..... I don't want to be like that, I want to be able to say I tried everything.

Ty believer I am going to try and find the book today.... I need all the help I can get for sure.....

Many people just give up. That is why the divorce statistics are so high. When I first came here reading, I thought everyone here was completely crazy. I stayed mainly on another site, but checked in here quite a bit - just to see if everyone here was still as loony as usual.

But I started seeing miracles happen. Marriages were being saved. They went on to thrive.

The words I needed to hear believer. after reading so many of these stories in here I do believe it can happen. I just pray it happens for me. Somedays I am so full of self doubt and others I feel so positive.

I know there is no guarentees that this is going to work out for me, but in my heart I still feel there is a chance. I pray in WH's heart somewhere deep inside he feels the same way ....

You've learned that your sister is not a source of support for you right now, unfortunately.

"All things are possible when you believe.."

Have faith that the Lord will see you through...He is always there on your side when no one else is....

Something I learned too late, is to not involve close family members and tell them everything. If you and WH reconcile, it makes for hard feelings. KWIM. I quit talking to sisters, mother etc. about FWH antics long before saga was over, but damage was done.

Question. What is WH doing at Bowling Alley on a Thursday night? School night and work night. Didn't you said he and OW bowled on Tuesday.

Wh bowls on thursdays as well....him and OW bowl together on tues. He is abowling alley freak ... and he workd there on Friday and Saturday nites. So 4 nites a week he is there...

As far as talking to anyone about WH I have pretty much stopped that, I think it has caused me way to many more problems. He seems to find out all that is said, I do believe most of it comes from D but not sure. So careful I am now.

So now most of my ranting about WH will be here in the safty of the boards.....

I have been reading some posts on gloryb.com which is for the OW. I am shocked by what I have read there and how they feel and what they do. I never seen such miserable people in my life. I mean no disrespect really but all I see was a bunch of women who seemed to have no self respect.

I have been reading some posts on gloryb.com

Stay away from there! You do not need to cloud your mind with that crap. That stuff comes straight from the bowels of ******.

At least you have been able to see that most OW are truly insecure women with a complete lack of self esteem - and lack of self control!

Now start filling your mind with good thoughts!

you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God

Your right inanutshell, but I just wanted to see what kinda crap they spewed. I know its all very sick and sinful.

I have no desire to read more of that stuff, I just wanted some insight to how their minds work.

Well so far so good today WH has not tried to contact me. None yesterday and so far today is good. I hope it keeps up. Not gonna lie I do miss hearing his voice and seeing his face but for now I do know he is not really my H.

Anyhow I am going out tonite and going to have some fun. Anything to get out of this house and away from the kids and their disaters.

So far no luck with any jobs but I have hope that one will come soon. I need to keep busy and working would do that for me. My mother has sent me some money to help out. I am not letting WH knkow though he will want his money back....
He gave me almost all of his paycheck except for $137.00... that sure won't do much for him especially when his truck eats gas like crazy and he now has a further commute to work..... Oh well thats what happens when ya get stupid and fogged out .....

A position statement:

BS's entering Plan B often want to measure their spouse's "love" by the vigor of attempted contact.

This is like saying that the dog "loves" the fire hydrant it wets on.

These are signs of territoriality, not love. "Love" is ending the affair and making real efforts to restore the marriage. The wish to demonstrate one's ownership without making effort does not figure into it.

yuor right A.M. I do understand that. I have finally figured out there is no magic potion or wand to fix this. I have faced the fact this may never be fixed. I don't like it but I can't do anything to change it. I can only change myself and the way I think and handle it.

You would think for as long as this has been going on since the middle of June wile I was gone from home I would be further in my thinking and acting. But I just find it hard to do. I really am trying hard to do it but itslike everyday a new disater hits me. And it does not help that he has moved home 2 times and both times left. With the most recent on being week before last. So its kinda like the N/C with OW , once he came home and left it took me right back to the beginning again. Now I just have to go through the withdrawl again....

I am darn sure about one thing I will not allow that to happen again. He will never come home without total committment to working on this marriage. I refuse to allow this to happen to me again......

guess its friday afternoon and no one around the boards. Things here are about the same this afternoon. No job calls or anything yet. I wish something would happen for me. I hate this waiting for a job.

had lunch with MIL it was very nice. We tried not talking about WH, but MIL is so mad right now she just wants to tell him off. I tld her would do no good. He won't listen anyway.

I just found a some papers that WH left here when he left last week. Seem it is OW's email and po box number on it. It was for bowling purposes. He also had one but used his moms address and OW's phone number. He is making sure nothing comes to our house anymore. I put the papers in a safe place. I know I would never use OW's email or po box but ya never kinow when ya may need them.....