Hurting -

I think you are perfectly normal. When I went into Plan B, I too thought about my WH all of the time. How could I not? We had years together, a big family, and that is where I put all of my efforts for 16 years.

But the trick is to get busy doing things so your brain has something else to think about. I got to the point where every time thoughts of him came up, I forced myself to think of something else. Fairly quickly, I stopped thinking about him.

You are very early in Plan B, and are doing fine. Keep it up, and it will get easier and easier.

I agree with Hurting that you are normal for the early stages...



In a way, this is GOOD... He is trying to make her into you..SHE WILL FAIL...He will miss you....

Have faith that it will get easier....

STAY BUSY....

your right pepper. I don't want to lose what love and respect I have left for him .. I just got off the phone with MIL and told her I don't want to hear anymore about them at all. I have told kids the same thing.

its gonna be hard not to want to know but its the best thing for me.

thank you all for the support. I need it so much right now. Just knowing it can be done because you all are living proof of it makes me feel not so alone.

Your words of wisdom are making this easier to deal with.

hurting -

Stick to your guns on not discussing WH. I did the same with my kids, and SIL, whom I was very close to. I just let them all know that it was too painful to me. After a couple of reminders, they complied.

How is that yard coming along?

well yard is not coming along at all it is raining ..... Hopefully tomorrow it won't , I have got to get it done. It starting to look like a jungle..lol

And the house?

the house is fine .... just got some clothes washing now ... I do plan on packing some stuff up today in some boxes. Not sure were I am going to put them yet but I am going to do it.... Just ahve to build up my courage right now so I don't cry through the whole process....

Cry all you want....

Have you seen the movie

Something's gotta give

My favorite sequence is when Diane Keaton's character has her heart broken ... and cries constantly for weeks ... all the while using her pain to write a new play ... hilarious ! And soooooo true-to-life !

I want to add one more comment to the all ready great advice here from Mimi and Pep.
Another reason that you do not want to hear all the gossip about WH and OW is because it plants a memory in your mind that can not be erased later on.
Like that crap about how he had the most fun ever bowling the other night. It is not true, we all know it, there was no good reason for him to say it (perhaps he is still trying to justify his actions?) but now that comment has been planted in your mind and the tape will continue to replay over and over and hurt your feelings each time.

You made a comment above about just wanting to feel good again. The best way to do that is to stop the negative tapes from playing in your mind and start some positive stuff going again. Every time you hear poopy OW/WH gossip it just adds to your negative tapes. Later, when you are going about the hard work of recovery, it will be hard to turn that stuff off, so you need to prevent it from getting into your mind now.

By the way - I took #1 son to his hunter safety classes! It was actually sort of interesting, and I always enjoy doing things like that with my boys. Non-traditional mother son stuff. Very fun.

And - wanted to let you know that my sister lived in Lawton for 8 years. Her husband was stationed at Ft. Sill. It really is a small world after all.

Have you started painting anything inside the house yet? That is some great therapy right there. You can find cheap cans of paint at most home stores - paint that was mixed the wrong color or something. I started by painting a hallway and before long I painted living room, dining room, a couple of tables....Keeps you busy,and looks great.

Crying is cleansing for the soul but don't bleech yourself!!! LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

As for your not wanting to hear about the A.....that's a good boundary. It was one of my main ones. I choose NOT to have the OW in MY LIFE. Can't control a WS but I can control me. One of the WS needs was to communicate with me....hm.... I cut off that piece of his need and he hurt big time. Told him, nope....that part of his life was sick and boring to me. After the thing goes PA and you get over the horror pictures...what's left? More of the same? Really boring stuff. See how exposure takes the hot air of the hot A? LOL!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hurting,

Have you been keeping a journal? If not, you really need to start right away. Someone else told me to do it, and at the time I thought "I don't feel like it" but he said that it would be very helpfull to me to be able to look back in it later, and see how far I had come. I all ready see some changes in your writng here. You are starting to grow, and to heal, but you probably don't see it because it happens so gradually. By keeping a journal you would be able to look back 6 months from now and see how far you have come.

Hey, hurting, you're doing great. You really are, and I really really am impressed.

I live in a place where I can't avoid "them," and hear about "them" all the time. It is harmful, though there's nothing I can do about it till I move from here.

The more you can avoid -- the better you'll be.

But hey, you are doing so astonishingly well...

Thank you all for the encouragement. I have started a journal I write in it most days but I have skipped a few.

I just got done packing up his clothes out of the bedroom. it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It makes it all feel so final. I just had to get the stuff out of there. it just felt like by letting it stay there he was coming home any minute. I still have some stuff to pack but I ran out of boxes. I still have to clean out his nightstand and put the stuff his dad gave him in a box. I took our pictures down I had in the bedroom. That was really hard but everythime I look at us together and happy I fall apart.

I did paint the dining room. It turned out real good. Its a real pretty pale green color. I put a new area rug under the table, new curtains, and blinds. I never liked green much but this color is pretty. I plan to strip the wallpaper from the bathroom and redo that .....

I keep telling myself this will all end someday and I will be fine. I know I will be fine, its just so hard right now..

Good for you. Next change everything in the bedroom. Like I told you, I did mine all in purple (or eggplant, I guess). I have a tall lamp, candles, a mosquito net, pillows, sheer curtains, etc. Actually it looks like a hooker's work room, but I LOVE it. When WH say it, his eyes popped out. Sadly he is no longer wanted in THAT room. But I love going to bed at night and snuggling up in my pillows under the mosquito net. I bought everything at a garage sale for $20.

My friends came over last year and helped me redo my sun-porch in a Japanese style. It was fun, and we spent practically nothing. I have no decorating ability, so it helped to have their input.

The biggest payoff was, not only do I love my little place, but it gave me some control over my life, and helped me realize that I could move on, without HIM.

Wow sounds like your bedroom is something I would like. I can't do much as moving furniture around I have a kingsize waterbed and it takes up nost of the room. But I do plan on new curtains and comforter. Maybe a throw rug or two.

Guess I kinda threw D off a little bit ago. She was asking me about her dad I told her I did not want to talk amymore bout him or OW unless it was an emergency I had to deal with. Now she thinks I don;t care about him. I told her thats not true its jsut that it hurts me to talk about him. I reenforced that I do still love him but enough pain and crying has happen and I don't want to do it anymore....

Still doing good here day 3 of him not trying to contact me. Kinda scary in a way but it does feel good.......

ROTFL!
I love this!

When I started re-doing my bedroom I told my cousin I wanted it to look like a French Wh**re house! I don't know why I did that, I guess it was because that was way out of character for me.

When you are packing up his stuff, and getting it out of the bedroom, that does not mean it is all so "final". It could also mean that you are creating a nice new space for whoever you choose to share it with later on. If your WH becomes the man you need him to be, then he can move his stuff back into YOUR space. If he does not, then you will have made a nice little nest for yourself. At some point, he will likely see some of the changes you have made around the house, and feel like he wishes he could be a part of that now.

You really are doing well.

Are you going to church tomorrow? You need to go somewhere with some really great music!

Well he may never see it anytime soon seeing how I am in Plan B here. But that does not matter right now, what matters is I make it my own. I do hope he will someday become the man he needs to be but I think thats a long way off. Not sure if I can wait that long. I am going to hang in as long as possible for sure.

unfortunatley I don't have a church right now. But it is something I have been thinking about alot lately. I'm just not ready yet, I will be soon though I feel.

today has just been a hard day for me , packing up his stuff and its rainy and dreary outside so that makes it even worse. I remember those days when it was like this and how we would watch tv and cuddle and it I miss it so much. I just want so badly to be held and loved right now. I miss the feeling of it all. I miss him, I won't lie about it.
I am really starting to hate this whole situation even more now than before. I hate when I get in this pity party mode. I get so angry at myself for allowing it. and then I hate him for walking out. I go between hate and sorrow. I know I still love him very much but oh there are times I hate him so much.....

So enough of this crying and moping thing. I gotta get it together and be strong.....

Been very quiet here today. Son been gone most of the day. Daughter been in and out and going out again tonite. Not many phone calls from anyone. Almost to quiet, kinda eerrie. Got the tv on for back ground noise but dosn't help much.... I hate the quiet I miss the sounds of the family. I don't even have a reason to cook dinner. No one here to eat it. I can remember the days I used to beg for peace and quiet here. Now I long for those days back, when the kids were little and life was good. Yes we had hard times and money was short but we were happy. I wish my grandbabies were close by so I could see them and enjoy watching them grow up. I miss them very much. My 2 yr old grandson is such a card. I miss him the most because I had such a bond with him. I miss my oldest son, he is such a support for me. In fact him and his wife have asked me to come to Indiana to be with them. They want to take care of me. I told them I love them for that but I need to be here. They want to help so much.

My g/f called and wanted me to come to the bowling alley. I told her no because I know WH is going to be there sometime tonite. I don't want to risk seeing him. He is not suppose to be there until 9 but if its anything like last week he would show up early before I could leave. I hate not being able to go somewhere for fear of running into him.

All this rambling helps me feel better just to get it off my mind.

The best thing for you to do is clean those toilets, and wax that floor. Get your mind off of you know who.