Well another day of peace. WH left me alone. I assume he must have re-read the plan b letter.

he didn't follow through on his promise to our son though. He was suppose to go to the school and see what he could do since I couldn't get anywhere with them. He also backed out of taking him to hunter safty class. poor kid feels so bad.

I am sure the kids won't hear from him all weekend, they never do. Him and OW to busy for them. I hate what he is doing to my children more than what he has done to me.

Hurt me and I can make it, but hurt my kids and you got one pissed off mama here. I just hope he will be able to fix this with them, when he wakes up someday.....

Why can't you take him to Hunter's Safety?

I didn't know about it . No one told me until it was to late. I was out with friends when I got the call from SIL about it.

Poor kid , he keeps getting the shaft ......

Maybe they'll let him start a day late if you explain what happened?

Nope its a 10 hour course and the first 5 hours were tonite. I just can't believe WH would do this to him after making the promise. he has broken two promises today to son.

I just don't know what to tell the boy anymore. I have just about run out of things to say....

I'm always looking for solutions - Maybe they have another course in the area?

I'm so glad I didn't have kids at home when the ****** was hitting the fan.

I think they have one next weekend in a little town not far from here. I am going to check into it....

I know having the kids sure makes this harder. They just don't understand whats happening....

hurting -

Well, you've got a lot of work to do. Now we add hunter safety class. Also you have the house to get sparkling clean, getting a job, taming the kids, doing the yard, filing for support. How far have you gotten on this stuff?

As far as your son, I say step up to the plate, and take him to the classes. I raised my 2 sons by myself, and there was NO man around. Since I wasn't good at sports, and wanted to spend time with them, I took them fishing. I had been several times with their dad, but was not good at it.

So I took the boys fishing, and the first couple of times it was a disaster. But I kept at it. My time was spend mainly baiting hooks, and untangling lines. But it was time spent with my boys doing what they enjoyed.

That was almost 18 years ago. Now my sons, 20 and 23 go fishing almost every day. They LOVE it. And they often invite mom.

My point is that YOU can step in and do things with your son. There is no reason to wait for his fogged out dad to get it together. It will make you and your son that much closer.

Your right beleiver I can step in and do alot. Now fishing is one thing I can't do... I don't like it at all but BIL will take him to do that.

house is looking pretty good, yard is slowly getting there way to much junk out there plus its been like 100 degrees outside everyday so to hot to work.

Job been doing lots of apps. but so far nothing

Taming kids well thats gonna take some work. I think son may have gotten it after a very long talk we had today.... I sure hope so... He seems to be more willing to talk and listen... D well thats another story I told her you are 18 yrs old I don't have to allow you to stay here and disrespect me and my home. So get it together or you can go. I don't wanna do it bit if she can't fly right she can go somewhere else. Tough love I guess.....

I am going to child support enforcement on monday. A friend of mine said rhey can help me out.

another day has dawned again. Well last nite heard some interesting news from D. Her and son saw their dad last nite. When he dropped them off, D came in abs was saying that her dad was telling her that OW is leaving for Tenn. today. I said oh thats nice. She said yeah Dad said her mom or something lives there. I said thats nice. She said you know her sugar daddy also lives there to. I said I know. She said well dad does not seem upset she is going. Again I said thats nice. What did she expect me to say? I did ask her what brought up that conversation that he felt he needed to tell you about that? She said I don't know he just told me. Now why in the world did he think he needed to tell D all that? Like we care or something?

Also he told his sister the day the day before yesterday how much fun he had bowling with OW the other nite, its the most fun he ever had bowling. Now I know thats a lie we bowled since 1993 on the same team until May 2004. We always had alot of fun. I believe he told her that because he knows it will get back to me. I didn't react one way or the other over that bit of news.

He has not tried to make contact since wed., I believe he read the planb letter again. he has been going through his sister to deal with the money and kids.

I can't help but wonder if its a releif to him not to have to deal with me. I can't help but wonder if its what he truly wants. I know I am not suppose to worry about it but I can't help it.

This is getting so frustrating, I feel like I am on hold with him and just waiting for the other shoe to fall. The other aspects of my life are doing good. I am getting out and being with friends and doing well.

You are not supposed to be listening to WH/OW stories in Plan B.

Make that boundary with your grown-up children.

"Please. I can no longer tolerate ~any news~ about WH or OW. Do not relay anything about what they are doing .... unless it is a bonafide emergency that I have to do something about. No more gossip. It keeps me bathed in their chaos. No more."

your right pepper. I need to let them all know I don't want to hear it. it does not help me at all.

Guess I am just frustrated right now. I will talk to everyone and tell them to stop I don't want to hear it ...

Thanks for the support .....

Hurting:

Again, I so understand your thought process. You seem to be handling this a lot like I did.

I found it to be helpful NOT TO ENGAGE IN ANY CONVERSATION about my WH. Make this clear to your family members. Try to pretend that he doesn not even exist.

You are not going to be able to figure him out or this out. Because you are a normal, healthy person, you are THINKING that there is some LOGIC involved in this. Because HE is an ALIEN captured by ALIEN FORCES, he is not living according to LOGIC..He is living from moment to moment, day to day, trying to get the NEXT DRUG FIX.....

If it is any consolation to you, my FWH indicates that PLAN B with the OW was NO PARTY....I used to think like you, Hurting.. However, in reality, they are living life just like everyone else. So, therefore, the FANTASY ILLUSION of the A is being exploding. His problem will be that he doesn't have you to relieve him of his pain. That's why he is attempting to engage with you in any way possible.

The key is to STAY DARK, PRETEND HE DOES NOT EXIST, ALLOW HIM TO SUFFER, TO LIVE IN THE MISERY THAT HE HAS CHOSEN....

I know this is hard to believe and hard to do. Stay as busy as possible as the others are coaching you to do.

Take good care...

Also he told his sister the day the day before yesterday how much fun he had bowling with OW the other nite, its the most fun he ever had bowling.

THIS is NOT something you need in Plan B

I believe he told her that because he knows it will get back to me. I didn't react one way or the other over that bit of news.

NOT true .... it has become part of your 'think soup' .... get these gossip boundaries tightened up TODAY !


I can't help but wonder if its a releif to him not to have to deal with me. I can't help but wonder if its what he truly wants.

SEE ... this affair gossip DOES effect you .... don't deny.

I know I am not suppose to worry about it but I can't help it.

The ****** you can't ! Turn off the gossip source EVERY TIME. Enforce that boundary with everyone. "NO ... Do NOT tell me anything about them. I am in a WH/OW--free zone." LEAVE the room if necessary.

This is getting so frustrating, I feel like I am on hold with him and just waiting for the other shoe to fall.

BECAUSE you are tolerating penetration of your boundaries. Control your addiction to their chaos NOW!

I'm here seconding, PEP. I was posting at the same time she was!!

Mimi .... how destructive did your obsession become?

She needs to realize she is sticking needles into herself everytime she succumbs to her obsession with "the alien activity".

Please .... you have more experience with this ... and frankly .... mine was too long ago for me to remember !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

You both are right and I know it. Its just so hard. I am just not handleing this very well for some reason.

I am trying very hard not to let these things get to me but for some reason they do. To be honest I think some of it is jealousy because they are doing the things we used to do together.

I won't deny it gets to me, because it does very much.

Hurting and PEP:

I almost don't want to share with YOU the stuff that I did because I don't want to give HURTING any ideas...

There were the OBSESSIVE DRIVEBYS.....YUCK!!! My YS knew I was doing this each night and begged me to stop.I hate that he has that memory among others.

I think it was the desire for it to make sense. That's what I hear from Hurting that I used to get caught up in. I used to think that if maybe I could figure it out then I could deal with it. I used to think that I could DO something. YOU CANNOT CONTROL ANOTHER PERSON'S ADDICTION. I had to accept that I was POWERLESS over this and I had to PRAY and put HIM into GOD's hands. I developed FAITH that GOD was WORKING IT OUT FOR ME ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.

My favorite verse: Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not onto thine on understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge HIM and HE will direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Also, as Hurting has indicated, it was my ADDICTION to my H. I wanted to be near HIM. I was CRAVING him.

I did much better when I forced myself to PRETEND THAT HE DID NOT EXIST. It was like a PROTECTIVE SHIELD that I put around myself. I got rid of or put away all things in the house that reminded me of him. I didn't drive near his office or did not use any of his routes. I didn't listen to songs on the radio for fear that one would make me think of him. I didn't look at TV. I religiously avoided as many triggers as I could. It was like when I threw away all the ashtrays when I stopped smoking 13 years ago.

Most importantly, I had to accept that I could only control myself! I had to hand my H over to God

Mimi thats exactlly how I feel. I have only done the drive by one time and the was the nite before he came home. They live like 15 miles away.

I don't listen to the radio or watch tv to much. I read alot to help me.

I want to put that barrier wall up but am unsure how to do it. I just want to forget all this. I have taken pictures and put them away. The on;y thing I can't rid myself of is my son, he looks just like his dad and I see him everytime I look at him. I love my son very much but he looks and acts so much like him its almost like living with him.

I just want the obession to go away. I just want to feel good again.

One of the points of Plan B is to preserve what love (and respect) you have left for your WH. If you obsess and listen to gossip .... it is likely whatever you have left in your love bank will be gone by the time the A ends.

Another point of Plan B is for YOU to build your own self-esteem back up. You need peace in order to do that. Emotional quiet. Distance from their chaos.

Plan B is for you to reclaim parts of yourself that were 'on hold' during plan A efforts.