Hurting -

Your feelings are normal. Your WH will be relying on OW for EVERYTHING. That is so important. I allowed way too much contact in Plan B. So WH had about a 6 month period where he had 2 women meeting his needs. This just allowed him to cement his relationship with the OW. Plus his OW left her child to concentrate only on my WH.

He STILL tried to move back in after 5 months of not seeing me. So hang in there, and realize that if you break Plan B you are helping the OW.

Now get busy doing stuff today. And don't feel that you can't vent here, but everyone is encouraging you to think about YOU and your family right now.

Believer,

I have no intention of breaking plan b at all. I was just wondering all of this when I woke up. Thats like last nite I wanted to go be with my friends but something told me not. Boy was I right on that one, with WH showing up about 1 hour early.

Another good question, if I am out in public with friends and WH shows up do I leave or stay and just pretend he is not there? I hate to just up and leave friends just to get away from him but I don't want to compromise plan b eiter.

As far as OW goes her daughter lives with them. So she can't give her total attention to him. Thats a good thing...

Serene confident demeanor.

Nod of head.

Move on .... walking head held high and a fine swivel in your hips.

Good Plan Pep .....ty

I will remember that .....

Here's one of my "oldies" for any chance OW sighting ....

Visualize OW as a BUG. A pesky buzzing insect. Annoying and irritating but far LESS powerful than yourself. Just a pest.

If you accidentally run into OW or see OW .... imagine her as an insect that needs to be swatted away from you. And start moving your arms making swatting gestures. Say "Get away from me you pesky bug. GO !" >swat * swat<

OW will never approach you .... coz this looks crazy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

another one....

OW is a hot steaming turd .... and you need to pinch your nose as you come into the vacinity of the odor .... >pinching nose< "Phew ! What's that smell?"

LOL good ones pep, I will definatley remember those.... For now I avoid anywhere I think she could be. I won't shop where she works, go the bowling alley on nites I know she is there. Heck I won't even go to walmart on the weekends because thats when she shops there.... I avoid all of this because I don't trust myself not to say anything to her.... Especially if they were together, I would probably make a fool of myself by confronting her.... In time it may not be a problem but for now better safe than sorry ......

You've got to learn to trust yourself ... and you will ... in time.

Give yourself permission to enjoy the ****** out of today.... can you do that?

I sure am gonna try pep .... I gotta get out of this house for sure, I am going to go to see some friends later. Thanks for being here....

thanks from me also pepperband

today i am wondering if there really is any connections left...any reason why he would want to come home...any need that she can't meet for him...any reason to hope

i guess i just don't think there is any love left in his heart for me

hurting...you have many reasons to have hope in your situation. hang in there and keep coming here forthis wonderful support

All that talk we had about WH showing up to do the yard was just like the rest of em... All talk and no action, I knew it would not happen. And anyway some of it is done already anyhow. The talk of coming to get his stuff was the same way...

Still not sure what to do with his stuff, keep it here or take it to SIL ? MIL thinks if I take it , it may cause him to pull away more. I personally think it will make him see I am not a storage unit and if you want out this bad take all your crap see what its all about.... What do you all think?

IMHO? Separate the items. Put them in strong black garbage bags. When he balks, let him know you took time to separate stuff (more than he did for you). Then let him know they are in clean bags (more than he is with - OW is a dirty scum bag).....then put them in the garage to pick up. If he still grumbles, let him know that next time it won't be as nice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

BTW, if he still grumbles, let him know that a 'friend of yours' in Hawaii did the samething. Her WS was soo ungrateful that she eventually had to throw his stuff on the lawn without the benefit of the garbage bags. LOL!!! Tell him 'your friend' packed his stuff nicely 6 times before getting so fed up, that she threw it on the lawn......and even the police agreed with her. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> If he asks who is this friend.....let him know it's me!! Then share with him that the once WS is now my H and safely home away from all OWs and A's.

See the stakes of his enjoying the pleasure of your company should go up not down. U really are fretting more than you should. I understand it will take time to figure this out.
BS' are a stubborn lot when it comes to saving their M's. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

L.

Well I already put most of it in boxes I had. And alas I don't have a garage, it was turned into a living room....

So I guess its one of those you need to pick it up off the patio before the rain gets it.....

I must have SIL call him then and tell him to get it sometime this week. I want it done when no one is home so he has no way to come in the house.... He can go through the backgate and get it off the patio.....

He wants to play , lets play it my way this time ...... Me thinks the ball is in my court for now .....

Hurting - My WH would never come and get the rest of his stuff, so I packed it up and drove to where his truck was, and unloaded it. Boy was he mad! But I was glad to get it out of my way. I asked him nicely to pick it up for 6 months.

By the way, this was the stuff that I didn't throw out in the street with the first batch.

I thought about doing that believer. I still have a set of keys to his pickup so was thinking maybe I should just take it to his work and drop it all off... No doubt it will make him mad for sure..... But hey I figure it this way you don't want to live with me ..... neither does your stuff .......

That's kind of the way I was thinking. However you have to remember that we are on the way to divorce.

But it sure felt good. I had that cr*p out of my van and into his truck in less than 2 minutes. He was livid when he found it.

Awww, the good old days.

I have to deal with OW in public -- she used to lurk nearby to eavesdrop and sometimes stalk, but mostly stays away from me now. Sometimes I still get him talking loudly nearby me, so that I can't help hearing his big-shot plans.

One technique is drift across the room, or to the far end of the party. Another is to suddenly become engrossed in a conversation with the person next to you. I didn't want to get into a position where OW was chasing me around the room. But I just don't "see" them.

One time they parked themselves in front of me at a public gathering, trying to force me to acknowledge them. I had to stare right through them.

lol believer .... the good old days... You have such a great sense of humor and I see how strong you are. I hope to get that way here soon..... So maybe taking it to his truck is a little over the top for now. maybe I will just take it to his sister then.. or just put it in the shed and see what happens....heck I don't know lol

wow Am ,that has to be hard. I don't know if right now I have the ability to just ignor and not say anything... See I have not seen OW since all this started. Seeing how I do know her it would be hard for me not to say anything to her... I never confronted her at all ,sometimes I wish I would have at first but I know it would have done no good... So seeing her now would just piss me off and words would be spoken of that I have no doubt. So avoiding her is the best thing I could do. Because confronting her would not be pretty and I know for right now WH would defend her.

So making sure I have N/C with her is the smartest thing I could do.... Plus I don't have bail money lol

My vote continues to be for keeping the stuff. It is his anchor to you.

You think so mimi? thats what my MIL says to. She seems to think him not coming to get it means in some strange way its his way of saying that when he is done playing he will be home.. I personally think thats a shot in the dark but who knows..... I think its cause he has no where to put it all. But then again he has babbled on about a storage unit , of course that has not happen either .....