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Your MIL may be right. My H never came and got his clothes. He bought all new clothes when living with the OW. Plus, little did I know ,he really had the clothes he actually wanted and and needed. The clothes were his continued tie with me. I think my H always planned to come back when he finished playing...
Of course, I can't say it's the same in your case. But it sounds like it to me...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Hurting - When I talked to my WH 2 weeks ago, he said that the OW always knew that he was going to come back to me. Like Pep said "What was it, one long vacation?"
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Well I don't think the OW thinks he is coming back here. I am not sure if he thinks it either. But who knows deep down inside what anyone thinks.... I hope he does but I am trying to prepare for the chance he may not....
I guess I will keep the clothes here then and just wait and see what happens......
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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A part of his mind is holding on to his memories of you. That part wants to keep the clothes there...
I think it's a good decision.
Actually a good sign that he has not gotten the clothes...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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The thing is, I don't think my WH's OW thought he was coming back to me, either. It is something that my WH had in his foggy little mind. He STILL insists (after 3 years) that he wanted to reconcile, but I didn't.
It is good to prepare for the chance that he may not come back, but chances are very good that he will. So get busy making changes for YOU.
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Well I have to realistic here to mimi. He does not have any place to put the stuff. No room at his sisters or at the OW's according to him. So he could just be using me for storage purposes. but then again he has said he was going to get astrage unit, been saying that for weeks but he has made no move yet......
So far all talk and no action ......
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Oh yeah believer you got that right ....I am trying very hard to do that ..... I know I have to stand on my own 2 feet.... They are a little shaky now but getting a little stronger everyday.....
I will not give up hope yet but I am being realistic as well ,he may never come home ....... I was reading some other posts. I was wondering did I do a too short plan A? I found out June 17 about the affair but I didn't have nothing but phone contact with WH until July3. I didn't find MB until July 17 or so... So I only did plan A for right at a month...
but in that month he moved out 3 diffrent times. So going to paln b was the best thing right? I mean this man was all over the place cake eating like there was no tomorrow.... Not that I am leaving plan b I was just curious if it was long enough...
Last edited by hurtinginokla; 08/28/05 06:00 PM.
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I vote for taking them to his truck while he's at work. Leave no note etc. I wouldn't worry for one minute that telling him to get his clothes is going to push him any further away. Doesn't matter what you do at this point, he's going to find fault in it.
What's with these idiots (WH - that is) that walk out with a change of clothes for one day and maybe their toothbrush and say they're leaving for good. Well HELLOOOO. If I'm leaving for good, I believe I would pack all of my ******.
Why let him have the control. You're in control of your life and your house (since he's the one who decided to leave) and are "cleaning the clutter". His ****** is part of that.
BS/47
FWH/42
Married 22 yrs
Kids - S30,SD23,SS22
OC Born - 09/08/04
C with OC - SS
It's an UPHILL CLIMB
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Well inanutshell you do have a point. But he took enough to get him through. He took his work uniforms and enough to keep him clothed for a awhile.... and he take his gun cabinet, still trying to figure out how that was more impportant than other stuff but whatever....
But he did leave his nice leather coat which he is very attached to, the other 2 times he left that was one of the first things he took.... And all his tools are still here as well and he likes his tools alot.....
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Hurting - What have you been doing today to take care of you? Yep, we're back to that.
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I been washing clothes and tidying up the house. went down and had coffee with MIL and just had dinner with her... Talked to some friends and watched tv.... So actually not to much for me but I been busy off and on. I have thought some today but not as much..... hey at least I have not sat here and cried all day .. thats progress ..... only teared up one time....
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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What I mean is, do let him take charge of the clothes. A part of him not getting them is how difficult this will be for him given Hurting's PLAN B boundaries.
It would take too much effort on YOUR part to figure out about the clothes or to do anything with them. It's a bit of a stretch out of PLAN B. He will perceive this as an emotional reaction. Your goal is to DETACH from him...
I'm piggybacking, BELIEVER. No more discussion or thoughts about the clothes ....
However, I do think his choices about what he has taken are significant....
Last edited by mimi1254; 08/28/05 07:45 PM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Oh if he wants then I will make sure he gets them. I will figure something out. I am not going to deny him his stuff. I just find it odd he has done nothing about it.... He was going to get them before planb ever went into effect....
But enough about that ...... time to get it together and makke some kinda normal life here.... Of course I guess that depends on what ya call normal.... I have got to get into a routine of some kind... Right now I am kinda flying by the seat of my pants....
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Yes!! A routine!!
This will be helpful for your kids...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I agree mimi. So far its been like fend for yourself.... I ahve only cooked 2 actual meals in the last month and that when you know who was here...... Thank goodness D cooked for her brother at least she did that....
so I gotta get it together and start being a mom again and not a blubbering cry baby.... Its gonna be hard but I will do it......
Last edited by hurtinginokla; 08/28/05 07:56 PM.
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Hurting -
Start doing it soon. It will help your self-esteem. Move on like your husband isn't coming back. He probably will, but time for you get it together.
Sorry, hon, I laid around waaaayyyyyyy to long, and I'm not gonna let you do the same.
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Your right believer and I appreciate your concern ans wise advice... Maybe I just need a good swift kick in the butt sometimes...
You are so right I have to move on and get it together..I have been doing this way to long.... It just makes me so mad because I was doing real good up until he came back week before last... I had gotten stronger and then bam he shot me down again....
I may be wounded but I am not dead and its time to take control.... Wow thats kinda scary when ya think about it but I am gonna do it......
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Posts: 27,069
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I just don't want you to do what I did. What a HUGE waste of time and energy. I went through the first 3 months not believing it happened. This was after I KNEW there was an affair.
Then throw in about 6 months of depression.
After that I was obsessed with what WH and OW were doing.
I was still walking around like a zombie. People at work noticed.
I started feeling strong after about the first year. By that time, WH and OW had cemented their relationship.
I only tell you this, so that you can do better than I did.
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Believer, Talk about a kick in the butt, I guess thats what I needed. Your right I don't want to do all of that. If you don't mind me asking did you plan A and plan B? Or was it just to hard for you with depression and all? I don't want to risk them cementing anything.... they have been seeing each other since June but only actually lving together so to speak about a month. Well not quite a month if ya take the week and half he moved home for..... Well they did have 2 weeks in June they were together for since I was gone to Virginia. But he still was coming home some nights while I was gone... So keep remindimg and give me a swift kick if I backslide ok???? Thanks for being a friend <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Hurting -
On D-day I threw WH out, with lots of screaming and yelling and LB's.
I didn't find MB for months after that. I really never did a Plan A. Just went straight to Plan B. Then I did a horrible Plan B.
But I did a good enough Plan B, that I got healthy and happy again.
I disagree with some of the MB program. I think it is a mistake to do Plan A for a long time. That just aids the infidels.
A dark Plan B will knock them off the fence, and make them choose. When you let them go on and on, you are just enabling the affair.
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