AMEN to Believer! This is what I was also saying to you.

Yep. Trueheart's letter and nothing else has no effect on them when they are deep in the fog. My H, when he was wayward, said that Trueheart's letter and all info in SAA "did not apply" to him.. HOW INCREDIBLE!!

PLAN B is what is necessary right now...

You are making the best of a HORRIBLE situation, HURTING..

This whole thing is incredible to me .....I can't believe I fell for this once again....

it does make me realize one thing though he still does have some feelings left somewhere in his heart or something....

Just hope its enough of them left.... Damn I am so confused right now for sure.....or was this just a chance for SF and thats it or is there still attachment?

That reminds me he said he canceled our health insurance through work so he could have more money to pay the bills.... So now no insurance

The key is to stick with your plan...

Don't get caught up in HIS CONFUSION....

There must be some kind of way that you can get back on that health insurance...

Maybe that was a threat..maybe he hasn't done that...

I would call his work to inquire as to whether you have health insurance benefits or not...

That is not OK...

That's brilliant. No health insurance now because he's too busy drinking and dining OW and going bowling. What a crock of you know what. Priorities are nothing to him obviously.

Usually your premiums are paid 30 days in advance, so your coverage still may be good. That is unless he quit paying it some time ago. If you don't know. Take control and call the employer or insurance company and ask. You are his legal wife and have a right to request information. Take CHARGE for you and the kids.

Yes, I guess I have a thing about the clothes. I say they're boxed up and why keep looking at them. Have him take them away or shovel them into his pickup.

Yes, he still has attachment. Again, his behavior is typical.

I just need to know have I ruined any chance of getting him home? He says he is afraid of us going down the same road again and he is not willing to try because if we fail then he has lost OW in the process....

So then he feels he will have lost both. So I guess he would rather stick with what he thinks is a sure thing
than risk trying our marriage....

Crap what a day......

YOU haven't "ruined" anything. Don't even consider his blabbering and blubbering. Keep it in perspective. He's a fogged alien.

It's all about poor me (him) that is.

Stay the course.

Hurting -

You fell off the Plan B wagon. Now pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get right back on. The problem is that now your WH may think that he can see you whenever he wants, regardless of your Plan B letter. Not good.

I know believer thats what I am afraid of ..... Do I need to restate it to him or just not say anything and move on...

I am not sure how to handle this now....

I agree with INANUT. Don't listen to what he is saying...THERE IS NO LOGIC TO HIS MADNESS...You have got him CONFUSED, SUFFERING...GREAT!!!!

IMHO, it would really be strategically wise to have no further communications with him at this point. Period. He has the PLAN B letter...

That's enough....

You goofed..You're human...You're doing the best you can...

As Believer said, Dust yourself off, but moreso, GET INTO WARRIOR MODE.....

What makes you think he is suffering? How do I know that it was just not a thing that happen.... He told me he is still sexally attracted to me and always will be.... How do I know thats not just what it was sex?

Damn him !!!!!!!!

You're wasting too much time trying to second guess what he might be feeling, thinking etc. etc. He's a mess period. There's no quetion about that. He's not having a good time. Leave it at that and go forward with Plan B.

He is not finished with you, Hurting. That is obvious... Actions speak louder than words. SF is an important EN..Don't downplay it's significance..

Now with that said, I agree with INANUT...

Onward with PLAN B..

My odds are that you will be a success story. However, it is imperative that you hold fast to PLAN B..... You have prolonged the A with your contact with him. He's got to SUFFER....

What makes him SUFFER?.. Having to do without you..having to be with her 24/7....

If he was not suffering, he would not have needed and wanted that FIX from you.....she would have been supplying all his needs... it is obvious that she is failing.. let her continue to fail.....

I needed to hear those words form you all....

I did forget to mention one part of the conversation with him. I asked him what about all these years we have are willing to forget them and move on? He said I have to put them to the side, but they will always be precious to me...

Well with what all you said in mind. As far as SF goes she is out of town. Only been since Saturday but she is gone and not meeting that need right now.....

I feel like such a fool today.... Why can't I keep my emotions under control when he is around?

Easy answer. Because he is your husband.

Stop thinking about what he said today. It is all fog talk, remember?

That's the value of PLAN B. Freedom from the bullcrap....

Actions speak louder than words.

He made love with you today. Believe me on this one. OK?

Oh mimi I am trying so hard to believe you... I want to believe it really I do and I know actions are louder than words...

I just got home from Walmart grocery shopping and ran into a friend of ours. He was asking how I was, he didn't know what was going on. I told him the whole story. He was so understanding and listened. he told me if I ever needed talk or needed a shoulder to cry on he is here for me... I never in my life stood in the walmart parking lot crying so much. My friend gave me a big hug and just let me cry.... I sure needed that hug and understanding.... But I also know I can't be around him very much because I don't want anything to happen... He is single and divorced his wife did this to him years ago..... So in a way its a connection and I don't want to do something stupid out of desperation...

So onward and upward to planb again..... I gotta make sure no more screw ups for sure.....

Again ty for being here .....

Well I hope the drama with son is over.. He has been transfered to the other school and seems very happy about it. I hope this works. WH dropped him off and told me the contract son had to sign to be transfered. he has to agree to no trouble, keeping grades up and no tardys.

WH left without his clothes after being told they were ready. So now its his problem. Plan B is back in effect ....

Today has been one rollercoaster ride I don't care to repeat....

D is home from school and she asked about what happen today with son... I gave her bare facts and that was it...

she also wanted to know about what her dad and I talked about. I told her nothing at all except what happen with son.

I just want to crawl in bed and hide. I really don't know what to think about today... It was something I never expected....

I actually wish I could let OW know what happen. Burst her bubble so to speak.... Last time this happen she threw him out... But I know it would be a bad idea to say anything to her... It would send WH on a rampage.... Wow what a mess....

Yeah my ww is playing the same game. He does want to have the option of using you as a fall back plan. I kicked my ww out this weekend.Instead of a plan B letter I just told her everything in as respectful a manner as I could."Do not contact me at all until you have stopped commiting adultry. Meanwhile I will plan for my life without you.See ya.Any life divorced or not is better than this crap.Move on you are better off without him. Make him pay you alimony and find a worthwhile relationship. You deserve it.

WEll kdh I hear what your saying and maybe its something you want or need to do. but I for one want to save my marriage. I have been married along time to this man and I am not willing to give it up without a fight.....

We had been happy until things happen in the last year or so. It was unfortunate that it went this far but I am willing to stick it out until I know in that its over one way or the other.

I wish you luck in what you choose to do ,but I for one am fighting.

hurting-
I did the same thing last week and he showed me the cold shoulder the next few days. But something is starting to happen with me....When I asked him about the aniversary coming up on Sept 1st and he said Ill take you out for a glass of water or something.... a light went off in me. I realized I dont need someone to treat me like an afterthought or mess w/ my emotions. Today - I dont feel the need or urge to talk to him or see him all i feel is good inside. I talked to my kids and looked up at the sky for the first time in 4 weeks.
I believe his life is catching up with his decisions now- its not going like he hoped- (he has no money- his cell is turned off today- I guess the lovers fell out and he moved to a motel last week and now moved back because he had no money)
But that's his drama- not mine.
Sweetie- let his drama go for today. You and your babies go for ice cream or a hot dag, sit outside in the park or whatever and just let your mind and soul rest for a little while.
It takes one minute- one hour claim yourself and your heart and let God work on him.