Let's think of a strategy for your daughter...

Ask her does she want you to get a D from her F?

Tell her that's what might happen if she keeps this up...

Don't try to explain PLAN B to her, though...

Yes agreed...stay in the dark honey...don't tell anyone anything that you don't want going back to him...that is one thing I have learned the hard way. It's bad enough he's delusional and the two of them are in their own little conspiring world...don't need to fuel the fire. Thankfully everyone has stopped communicating with him so I don't have to worry about that anymore.

Yes, have to agree...the weekends are the worst for THEM...they have only each other to face and all THEIR problems. Especially this LONG LONG holiday weekend.

Just continue to have faith and remember you don't have any control over anyone but yourself. Your MIL will handle things as she sees fit, just believe. Thank God you have her behind you.

Believer,

I have never had to deal with an addict, so I am not sure how to handle it....

I just know I am scared of loosing everything I have to this woman... Everything we worked for 24 yrs to have could be gone in the blink of an eye to some other woman who is a piece of trash....

I can't imagine starting over from scratch .... Will he ever come out of this fog, I am beginning to really wonder.....

Why are you so down to day after such a great night?

I think you need to get out of the house or something or get busy.

You just started PLAN B....

I have asked her that mimi and she has said No she does not want us divorced... I told her please stop telling him things its none of his business... he is the one who left..

I know my MIL will protect my home from them of that I have no doubt... She has said she will lie to him as he has her... She says she will not allow them to take my home... I love her so much she has been a rock for me....

He will come out of the fog. Just be sure to protect your finances. It seems like he is doing okay so far.

There is no easy way through all of this. You just have to keep busy, and go on with your life. It does get better and better.

I guess I am down after all this crap I heard today about WH....

The fear of loosing my home has got me upset. I am just so tired of all this crap and he said she said stuff.... I just want to be left alone... I have asked them please don't tell me anymore it does nothing but upset me... They have all agreed to do that unless it's some kinda emergency or something I need to know about...

So far so good he is doing fine with the money thing.. I can't complain there yet...

I just wish I could do more to protect myself .. but without legal action I can't do much... and no money means no lawyer ......

Have you read Suzet's post "Being effective and operating from strength? I hope you will check it out.

I read part of it believer, maybe I should go read the whole thing..... I sure need some of that right now ....

So what is your daughter's explanation for blabbing to him?

she says she is not telling him things. I said I know you are no one else talks to him. She said she just told him I had an interview for a job. She said she did not tell him I had it and that I would know next week...

I told her it seems awful funny he knows things that happen around here if she does not tell him... She claims she just tells him about herself and son.... she said if he asks about me she tells him what I do... I told her no more telling him anything about me, its none of his business...

We are going to go to the lake tomorrow. WH is coming to MIL to talk and I don't want ot be anywhere around here... We only live 7 houses away from her... So when I know what time he is coming we are leaving.... MIL knows I don't want him in the house so if he askes for her key she is going to tell him she gave it back because one of the kids needed it...

Good plan huh????

Why you can't change the locks to the house?

About your daughter....

How about writing a script for her to say in response to his questions..

Something formal..mainly to let her know how serious you are about this...

Trouble for her if she does not follow the script...

he does not have a key to the house... I need MIL to keep one in case she needs to get in.... She will not let him in.

Ok the script thing sounds like a good plan... The thing is she does most of the calling...But I will make out something for her to say when he asks about me or what I am doing. He did call her today and left a VM asking how she was feeling because she had been sick Funny how when he was home he never seemed to be that concerned about how they felt... I don't mean that he didn't care he just was not overly concerned because I took care of them... His fake concern right now is making me ill.... I really believe he is acting this way with her so he can use her to spy and tell everything...

No doubt. The script for D sounds like a good idea.

You might not realize it but it sets you back to hear his voice on her voicemail...

You will have to go through withdrawal again anytime that there is any form of contact.

How about: "I am FORBIDDEN or NOT ALLOWED to discuss her with you. That is MY MOTHER's RULE....

well that sounds good mimi.... works for me ..... I did not listen to the VM she told me about it.....

Oh believe me I know about the withdrawl thing oh to well ... Had it happen way to many times in the last week... I don't want to go through it again any time soon..

Thats why I even took all pictures of him down in the hosue, was just to painful to look at them .....

Ok. So she is forbidden to discuss his VM messages with you unless it's an emergency.

Ok ..... sounds good to me .....

I swear mimi this is harder than I thought it would be and so very scary as well....

it sure has put me in turmoil and self doubt. I hope it has him to if for nothing else but to be miserable with his choices....

The emotional turmoil you are experiencing will be temporary. I'm already seeing a difference. Just by letting it go. The rollercoaster has started to slow down for me. You can't think about how this affects him, that will slow down YOUR progress...this is for you, you have to remember that. To help YOU become stronger. I know this first hand. I've been definitely lectured on here and deservingly so but now I am finally listening and it has helped me. I thank Melody and everyone who drilled it into my stubborn head. I finally got it.

My only weakness now is his father who calls me for updates because his son isn't calling me. We last spoke on Friday. But I have now committed to myself that we will no longer discuss WS situation and what he has been doing. It really doesn't make any difference. We all know he is drinking, living with OW and not making rash decisions on anything. So my requested updates to his father have therefore stopped.