Wow Orchid that sounds like I am really in big trouble here..

So maybe he really does want the big D.

I don't know what to do now .... How am I going to battle this?

U r not in trouble...yet. Meet with your MIL and let her know that between the babble there c/b a scheme brewing. Let her know you have heard that other OWs have done just that. Some go so far as to enter the home and take jewelry and clothes.

Remember the OW is lacking. Knowing you exist and you have the support of your MIL must be tearing at her soul. The A is a selfish disease. It can take the weakminded to weird lengths. Remember the movie Fatal Attraction? It was not enough to have the H, the OW wanted the W dead. Yea, it was just a movie but the underlying message shows up in many A's.

I don't mean to scare you, that is why it is critical you get your finances in order. If you listen carefully, you can hear the OW speaking through th WS.

Ow in my case did similar. She is the one with the house but that was not enough, she wanted my soul. She accused me of even having an A with my FIL who was and is a supporter of our family. She accused me of many other things as well. Sufficient to say by that time I had MB and learned not t/b hurt by her babble.

The stronger and more supported you get, the more the OW will feel challenged. She may strike out in other ways by usually using the WS as her dummy.

I even told my WS that his speech had changed. He spoke very much like the e-mails from the OW. It was spooky. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> You know, he realized it. Yea....but at the time there was nothing he could do about it. In time he stopped babbling as such and I even told him when he was babbling. Ha...that cut his conversations down quite a bit. He had to really think before he talked to me. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Convo's went somthing like:

WS: I need you to put some $$ in the bank account for me.

BS: For you? Where's all that $$ you and OW were suppose to get? Why do I have to use my earnings to support your A?

WS: I need gas $$, I won't get paid for another week.

BS: Stop traveling the extra 60 miles to OWs house. That might save some $$. By the way, where's the $$ for daycare? You owe that plus what you borrowed not to mention my spousal support. Do you want that amount again? It keeps going up you know.

WS: Don't you care about my welfare? I can't even afford to eat 3 meals a day. Food is expensive you know. You make more $$ than me. I need you to give me $$. Don't you love me?
You say you care but you don't. Ow is right. You are controlling and manipulative. You don't care about our son or me. You only care about your work.

BS: Oh geeze, you are babbling again. Can't continue this conversation. Let me know when you can talk without the babble. Remember our topics for communication are $$, mail and child visitation. No ILY stuff.

Crazy?!?!? That is what I was subjected to back in the A day.

L.

By tomorrow, he will have a different plan. I would go and enjoy my day with the kids.

And give your MIL a great big hug from me. God bless her.

Oh gezzz this is really crazy stuff.....

I will talk to MIL and let her know... I think she already knows he is trying to get her to side with him. I also know MIL will not give him this house, he does not know this though. BTW WH and I don't talk abou anything .. His sister is the go between for money and such ....

As far as the big D goes, I will not be the one to pursue it. thats all on him....

I have decided that I am going to talk to everyone and let them know they are not to discuss anything to do with me to him or our M. I feel like the he gets more defenseive every time someone mentions it to him.... So I think if no one says anything to him about myself or our relationship with him maybe the defenses will go down... Tell me if I am on the right track here....

I feel if everyone just goes about their business like this is not happening maybe things can calm down some.... Heck I don't know...

Already been to the lake believer, had to come home D was not feeling well ..... So now its TV land time ...lol

Most times people won't say as much as they need to. If they want to say something, let them. Better he hears it from others so IMHO don't stifle the talk. Let others say what they need to say.

Remember this is a result of his actions. Let him suffer the consquences. Don't fix it for him.

JMHO,
L.

Orchid,

Maybe your right, I just don't know. Maybe I am hanging on for no reason....

I know alot of what he says is babble but maybe there is some truth in there. maybe he really does want to move on without me. I guess the yrs we have been together really are over. At least for him anyway....

Anyhow I will do what I have to do and not close the door for him yet... Planb still going strong...

He did tell MIL he was coming next weekend to get his stuff out of the backyard and put it in storage... He wanted to do it today but we were not home..... He still has it in his head he needs to do the lawn work .... I don't want him to do it or even be here .....

BTW this OW has never contacted me in any way , but I do think she is pulling alot of the strings. and I think she is using her tears to guilt him into saying and doing things and keep him with her... Of course my tears didn't keep him here with me ......

Remember the WS, OP and A are not stable. They will change shape and form in an instant. Love you one minutes, hate you the next second. It is scary.

As a BS you must be prepared for this switch. ID babble and learn how to deal with it. Inbetween find the truths and work with the truths not the babble. Rock their A world when you can. Reverse babble helps.

Get yourself as a BS on stable ground. Firmly plant your feet in because that roller coaster will do all it can to shake your world.

Hugz,
L.

I don't know when you're going to get it in your head - - HIS BEHAVIOR AND ACTIONS ARE TYPICAL OF WH.

STOP thinking about it. I thought you were going to the lake with your children?

Another day wasted on obsessing about an alien's behavior and worrying about just words - NO ACTIONS.

Take his crap and put it in his pickup. Why didn't you take it MIL's.

We went to the lake and D became sick. She is now in the bed. Was very nice out there though....

I was going to take it but MIL called me when he was on hs way to her home and I had 15 mins to get myself and kids out the door before he showed up.... she was not home last night for me to take it down there.....

hard to tell the truths anymore Orchid.... Wish I could but without me being the one to actually speak to him and see his face and actions, I can't tell what is truth or not... I just know I gotta be on my toes for now and expect who know what ......

Load up his stuff now, and drop it off.

And just where am I suppose to dump it? I have no idea when and if he will be coming back to his mothers.

I will make a plan with her or my SIL to take it to one of them and they can call him to come get it....

This is getting crazier by the day....

At this point, you couldn't tell by looking him in the face if he's telling the "truth". He doesn't know his behind from a hole in the ground. What spews out of his mouth is plain and simple garbage and just words.

Hurting, you are making excuses, if you can't see it. You could have gotten up this morning and the first thing that ou did was load up his crap and take it to MIL's. You had time to go to Walmart and probably could have done that on your way to the lake.

I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to make you see what you're doing. You're allowing him to control YOU in every way.

Listen and practice what your brother had to say. You're grasping for some sort of "normalsy (sp)" and you're not going to find it.

Haul his ****** to the bowling alley parking lot and put a sign on it with his name. Doesn't he bowl on Tuesday night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I hope you got a chuckle out of that idea. Maybe it's not such a bad idea. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Then park your car or hide somewhere and watch the reaction.

and.......... it's not getting crazy. Sounding like a broken record, it is TYPICAL behavior for a WH alien.

inanutshell as usual you are grounding me again. I have sat here and though alot about all of this and , yes your right most of it is the same crap as usual.

As far as going to walmart I did that while the kids were getting ready to go. I wanted my car gone when he showed up to MIL's. I only had been out of bed afew mins. myself when she called... Kids were still asleep so it was a quick get away for me....

Actually the bowling alley scenario sounds pretty good to me ..... I am going to think on that one.... I could just pile it in his truck while he is bowling, or if they are in her car maybe just put it on the trunk.

Not sure I would want to wait around though and watch the reaction...lol I am sure the reaction would be of anger but oh well....

I think that's a GREAT idea. Poetic justice.

you got that right .... lol

As fun as that sounds, you'd better think again. One thing you don't want is t/b labeled as a nutcase.

Ok, now get his stuff packed and on the porch or put in a shed , garage or yard. Don't involve other people's property. ok?

L.

Oh his stuff is packed. It's on the back porch now its covered and protected... He knows its there and waiting he just won't come get it.... He has ample opportunity today while I was gone...

He told his mom he was coming next sunday to get it and some stuff out of the yard... Well I won't be here for that..

I found out some more of the convo fom her as well.... He said to her that when he was here 2 weeks ago fort he 3 days he was uncomfortable and he didn't think he had any love left for me... She told him neither one of you was comfortable what do you expect after all that is happening. She said to him that he didn't try enough and it would be hard.

She said to me he is not himself , I don't know whats up with him. I tried to explain it to her. She says he does not even look like himself anymore... I guess from what she saw she says to me he can claim to be happy all he wants but he sure does not look like a happy person...

Good so the conflict is all in his court. Leave his stuff where it is. 1 week may show signs of being beaten by the weather but that's his choice. He will probably blame you for that also but your shoulders are already slick with the reverse babble screen lotion, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I recall a few times when the WS was having his fling, I told him that 'somebody in this family had better be happy for all the misery it is causing us and since it wasn't our son and I who wanted this, then he'd better be happy. Smile dammit!' LOL!!! He said he couldn't smile, then I got even angrier. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> He walked away with my anger that time. Went back to the OW who now had a very unhappy WS on her hands. She tried to give him back then but I told him he could't come back unless he was going t/b happy around us. Fake or real was up to him at that time. Then the stakes would go up. LOL!!!

L.