your right sadie, I have to stop this for myself.... I have now asked everyone to tell me nothing unless its an emergency... I can't continue to go through this turmoil anymore....

Everytime I start feeling better something new happens or someone says something that throw me in a tailspin....

Best thing for me is just to sit back and wait for some kinda action that means something one way or another...

Find a job and move on with life.....

I went back and looked at your posts today beginning with the first one at 0858. The longest time between posts was this morning between the first and second - 1 hr 20 minutes. There were much shorter periods inbetween most of them and it's my guess most of those period in between were filled with talking with MIL, SIL, D etc and all revolved around WH and HIS problems.

Point I'm trying to make here, is What are you doing to make yourself well, to take care of yourself? You're spending nearly ALL of your time on WH.

Hurting, you need to focus what energy you have on YOURSELF. Nearly every day is the same for you. I truly understand how hard it is, but trust me once you start caring for yourself things fall into place. Yes, it's a good weight loss program, now add a bit of exercise to it (good for the mind).

Is there something you used to have a passion for or some cause you'd always thought you'd like to get involved with and haven't because you were raising family and taking care of kids etc? If so, volunteer, get out of the house, away from the computer, away from the phone, away from the in-laws, etc. etc.

I'm still caught up with those clothes. WH is going over to MIL's house tomorrow. She's only 7 houses down, so it doesn't require much effort. Pack those boxes in the car and what tools you can gather and leave them there for him. His stuff is out of sight out of mind. He can haul it around in his pickup while he figures out where to store it. CLEAR THE CLUTTER.

I know what you're thinking. Well what if he thinks I really want him out of here because I do that - blah, blah, blah. It doens't work that way. He'll wonder what you're up to. He needs to wonder.

About the house. You're not going to lose the house. Don't worry about stuff that isn't even close to happening.

Your right inanutshell.... it was when I was dealing with all the phone calls about WH when those posts were made...

Actually, I did do something today. I trimmed the bushes in the front yard and did some weed eating... Never did that before so its not a very good job but I did it... bushes are a little lopsided but hey they will be fine....

Thats a good idea I think I will take the boxes to MIL she can make sure he gets them. I really don't care at this point what he does with them. I just want them all out of here..... As you say outta sight outta mind, of course thats how I think he feels about me. Oh well if so nothing I can do about it...

The kidsand I made our plans for tomorrow, we are packing a picnic and going to the lake for awhile... Hope its not to hot....

Thanks for the encouragment and wise words ....

Good girl...that's the idea. Go spend the quality time and focus on your children. Pack the rest of his JUNK up and drop it off on your way out to the lake. Your MIL is a gem honey...she's got it all under HER control. Don't lose the faith.

Yardwork is one of the best therapies I have found. Because when it's all done, you have something to show for all your hard work. I also agree about getting away from the computer and finding hobbies. It really helps me. Can you reconnect with any friends that you've lost touch with...especially anyone that you had to give up during your marriage....not in a dating scenario but you know a good friend that you really liked that WS was not too fond of. I think we all have a few of those around.

I'm proud of you telling them about emergency only. I hope that works. I had problems with everyone understanding what I considered an emergency...until he made the death threats...then they started to get it. They still leak stuff out. Everytime they do, yes it becomes a step back to me but now it is almost comical to me. But I think more so because he's become almost the talk/joke of the town. My favorite thing to do is to take my right hand....I do this curve like a winding road with my right index finger and say 'prrrrrrrrrrrrrr' and they start to laugh and it stops them midsentance.

We're taking all our kids out tonight also. Daughter (15) is afraid that she is going to run into WS and OW. I told her oh well...don't think twice and worry about something you have no control over (LOL yes those words came out of MY mouth!). Besides you have nothing to be ashamed of. He's the one who left and didn't say goodbye to you. His head will hang in shame and who knows or cares what OW thinks. We're going to go have some fun with all our friends and their kids!!

I am finding myself believe it or not...distancing myself further and further from him and the nonsense with each passing hour. The last thing I heard the other night was what a "ho" OW truly is and it has disgusted me and made me almost think twice about wanting him back. They tell me that when WS is playing darts, she's off trying to have guys buy her drinks at the bar and trying to pick them up. We saw her do this with the owner one night but WS quickly interrupted...I don't think he truly caught what was going on but now I put two and two together. I am not sure how others have dealt with it and will try to find posts...but right now the thought of being intimate with him ever again, after him being intimate with her and whatever past she has makes me quite ill to my stomach.

Sadie,

Seems you really have a handle on this now. You are doing real well. I know I will get there soon... I think once everyone realizes I don't want to hear anything it will be ok.

D taked to her dad on the phone and he said he was coming by after talking to his mom so he could try and get some of the stuff from the backyard. She told him well we won't be home, of course he asked where are you going and she told him.
so I decided to have a long talk with both kids tonite. I told them both that I would appreciate them not telling their father anything that happens here or what we do or where we go.
I explained to them that it's none of his business at all. If he wanted to know what was happening with us he should have thought of that before he decided to leave us.

I also explained to them the need for him not to be allowed in the house or why I can't see or talk to him. I explained how it hurt me and him being allowed in the house came him his fix of home. Son was very concerned and ubderstood completley and is behind me all the way.. D seems to understand as well and agreed.

Son has decided since a conversation today with his father that he is not interested in seeing him for awhile. He asked his dad about spending time with him, his dad told him " When you deicide to pull your head out of your a$$ and do the right things ,then we will do some things together." Son was upset by this and said who does he think he is , he is the one with his head so screwed up. I felt bad for the kid.

Anyhow son has now decided that he will not go to the bowling alley to see his dad anymore and the first move is up to his dad. He said " Mom, dad wants to be away from us , so lets let him have it that way. Let him see what it will be like for him to divorce you." I am so proud of him for saying that. and I did not explain planb to them. Seems son figured out dark was good for us all..... Smart kid I got .

son also says to me "Mom when dad decides to come home, which we all know he will, don't let him move home right away. He needs to prove he wants to come home." This kid has amazed me tonite. It made me feel so good that he totally understood all by hisself what we had to do...D on the other hand understands but I am a little leary of her still, so we are all being very careful as what is said around her.

I know now with the support of my children, especially my son and my MIL, we will be ok no matter what.... I am blessed to have these wonderful people in my life to be here and help me. I am blessed to have found MB's and all of the wonderful support from all of you. Thank you all and God Bless everyone of you.....

Tonite is a good night for me, I feel some sort of peace....

Hurting -

I say post away. Look at the number of my posts. I was such a complete mess that I leaned (HEAVILY) on this board. It took me months to do what I needed to do for myself.

I am not telling you to sit around wallowing, but it is normal at your stage. It will be good for you to get out and do things, and I am sure that you will, in your own time.

Thank you believer for saying that. I know sometimes I just sit here and post away, but it helps me to get the feelings out. I try not to burden my MIL or anyone else with it because they are hurting as well.

In fact my MIL was concerned about me because I did not come to see her for 2 days. We talked on the phone some but thats it. I told her I felt she needed a break from and my constant sorrow. she said she understood but that if I needed her she is here for me.

Sometimes just sitting here putting all of this on paper so to speak and getting fed back is what I need to do.

It helps keep me sane and also realizing I am not going through this alone and that everyone here knows how i feel. MIl and everyone else sympothizes but really have no idea how it really feels. The gut wrentching pain is something no one who has not been through will understand.

Believer you and mimi have been life savers for me, and I look forward to your posts as well as everyone elses. It gives me hope and a sense of peace and the will to carry on.

I know sometimes I get hard headed and repeat myself over and over. But I do listen to the advice and try my best to follow it. Sometimes I mess up but most of the time I follow it pretty good...

Again ty for being a friend and allowing me to lean on you. And ty for 2x4's when I need em . lol

Sweetie -

I posted over and over and over and over again the same things. People here put up with me. I was in the position that I couldn't talk to his relatives, even though we had been very close before. They supported his A.

My friends and family told me to kick him to the curb and don't look back.

So I came hear and rattled away. The funny thing is that it really helped me work things out in my mind. My life is once again happy. You will get there too.

I know I will get there but some days I truly wonder...

I do want to be happy again, I really do but right now I just can't see it.

I know my happiness can't depend on him, but I want him to be part of it so much.

I just can't seem to let go of something that has been 24 yrs in the making. I just can't imagine he could let go of something that has been a part of him for so long. it's so scary. I know I will never understand or why he chose this path but that does not make it hurt any less.....

I just want our life to be good with each other, and I feel that everyday that passes by it gets less and less possible. I will not give up on him anytime soon thats for sure. But I do know I have to think of myself and whats good for me and my children at this difficult time.

I have been a wife and mother for so long I forgot who I was and what I wanted out of life. Not that I regret my decsions to be a wife and mother, I cherish every memory of it and always will.

I jsut want him to try and be the husband and father I know he can be and once was. I know nothing is guarented in life and I accept that but he won't even try. It just hurts to hear the man you have loved for so long tell you its over and he loves someone else. In my mind I know he is confused and hurting as well but my heart does not know this....

So again I ramble and put my thoughts out for the world to see. Talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve.

You are very, very early in this. I am very hopeful about your marriage. Don't worry, and trust the process. Do the plans and not what you feel like doing.

And get some sleep.

I was talking to my brother tonite and was telling him alot of these things about how I feel and whats been going on ...

I guess I gave him the impression I was not sure if I would take WH back. Well I told him yes I would but not sure how I would feel 6 months from now...

anyhow he says to me ... Sis you know as well as I do this thing with WH and OW will never work out. So when they break up are you going to be there for him? I had to stop and think for a minute. I had to say honestly only if he can do the things I need him to do.

He also gave me 2x4's big time for worrying over the house and him divorcing me .. He says the likelyhood of me loosing this house is almost nil. He truly believes that WH will come home someday. He says I know WH for the last 24 yrs sis and if any two people were meant to be together its you 2. I know he loves you he is just very confused right now.... Time is on your side just stay dark and let him suffer.... My brother is a wise man himself.... Of course he went through this himself as the WH and ended up loosing his wife because she refused to even try and work it out. And thn of course OW dumped him as well... So I guess he knows of what he speaks ...

Good morning all... Hope everyone has a nice holiday.

Going to take the kids out today to the lake. We need to get out of this house and do something fun.

Sounds like a good plan. I'm so happy to have an extra day off, I've got lots of projects to work on today. Trying to get an early start. I got up at 5:00AM. It is real foggy here, but will get warm later.

Listen to your brother. He sounds wise. One of the reasons that adultery ends in divorce so often is that often the BS doesn't want the WS back. I especially feel sorry for those that don't have access to the internet and sites like this.

thank you beliver he is very wise.... and I am doing all I can to make myself stay dark..... I can't see myself not wanting him back right now.. Thats not to say how i will feel months from but for now its what I want.....

I have to run to walmart now and get some stuff for the day ...... Will check in later...

have a great day

LISTEN to your Bro (tipping my hat to your brother)

make this your mantera

stay dark and let him suffer

suffering MOTIVATES corrective actions .... do not forget that !

I know I am not suppose to listen to things about WH but I need a take on the conversation he had with his mother today..

first off he says he still wants divorce because he is happy with OW. MIL told him you know how much your W loves you. He says he knows but she has not shown it last few yrs and gives no affection. MIL told him you know W has a hard time showing affection she always has. He says that Ow has told him if he needs to leave her and work on his marriage he can go , but when ever they talk about it the OW cries because she does not want to lose him.... MIl told him he really needs to be sure of what he is doing and not make any rash descions.

He then says that he wants for me to be in our house however long I want to. But that eventually he would like to be able to rent it out because OW told him she would not live here. he then says if things don't work out with OW at least he would have a place to live.

MIL says she is still not convinced he wants a divorce just by how he talked and by the way he acted... I am sure there is more to this conversation but this is the little bit I got from a phone conversation... I will find out more later...

So does anyone have any ideas or take on this?

Ummmm...does he think you are terminally ill?????

Haha AM.

He is still babbling but inbetween is some truth. Here's the truth as I see it:

1. He wants to push you to a D.
2. He wants his mother to support his A and give him the house.

3. OW WANTS the HOUSE!!! All of it. OW is drooling right now.
4. OW wants to replace U.

Now have a powwow with your MIL and setup a plan. After the OW attacks and is successful with you, she will set her sites on your MIL things. OW sounds like a predator. Let your MIL know.

L.

I sure hope not ......

I don't have any idea what he thinks, and I probably don't want to know.....