Orchid you are just so good at this babble stuff. I have managed to pull a few good ones but half the time I don't think of them until its all over...

His mom did say that he just wants me to be happy and move on with my life...

the he is saying I can live in the house forever if I want but then in the same breath he is saying he wants to keep the house so he always has a place to live in case it does not work out with OW.... Well if I can live here forever, how does he think he can live here????

He is so confused and mixed up its not even funny anymore, its really pathetic .... I don't know what effect planb is having on him yet but I tell ya one thing its making me feel better....

Good. Then plan B is working. 4 u. As for the Ws, it is working also but not as an A benefit. It is designed to destroy the WS and A environment or at the very least pack a few good punches into it. Either way it brings relief to the tired and frustrated BS and family.

Remember, this stuff takes time. Pray for patience.

Hugz,
L.

I know I need the break from all chaos it has caused me and the hurt feelings.

Seems to me this would make the A alot more easy for them to handle seeing how I am not invlved in anything.... I am becoming detached and I would think he is a well... How can it add punches to the A?

I do understand planb is more for me but I still am not sure how it effects the A.... I know maybe I am hardheaded and just don't get it....

I agree WS is definitley acting pathetic...but are we surprised, from what I understand and have been experiencing, it's the total norm with WS. Talk about flip-flopping back and forth. He shows he still cares about you by "ALLOWING you to stay there as long as you want and then he is concerned about where he's going to live when OW throws him out to the streets when she finds out she's not getting the house. Be strong, head up high!!

Orchid you are truly the Queen of Reverse Babble...were you using RB when you were in Plan B with WS?

Plan B forces him to get his selfish needs met via the OP. It removes the BS and family from his chaotic tendancies.

For most, this shows up quickly, not completely but quickly and in spurts. Expect the WS to squirm and whine. Very typical. Making excuses to the point that you w/b laughing instead of crying. The antics of the WS will become evident and you will learn how to deal with his babble vs the truth. Be aware that the truth is interwoven with the babble. You have to be smart and pick it out.

This is where the clear mind/calm heart and lots of patience comes into play.

Don't get excited over the little things, he is in plan B, he needs to shout it out by his actions that he wants his family back, not by whining.

L.

Ok I think I am understanding that a little better now...

I just praying thay he is going to want to come back at some point in time....

I still can't believe he won't or that he is willing to give up his home and family..... 24 yrs is a long time to just walk away... Or that is for me it is .....

I will hold on for as long as I can or his actions show me not to.... But in the meantime I have to make myself happy and work on me ....

Just got through talking to a friend of mine I used to work with a few yrs ago. She is a counselor that works with Therapeutic foster kids. Anyhow she says that she feels WH is still very confused and conflicted.

I told her about going dark on him and she said to me thats the best plan I have had yet... She agrees he is still attached to me. She says that one way or another something is going to happen soon. As far as which way he is going to go who knows but she thinks it won't be long before he makes a move. She says don't be surprised if within the next 30 days something happens to rock your world...

Kinda scary if ya ask me but we will see. I personally think its gonna be longer than 30 days from now but who knows.....

Hurting -

I have seen so many surprises around here, I would never make a bet. There are some that seem completely hopeless that turn around very quickly.

You just can't tell. The longer you stay dark, and let OW meet his needs, the harder it will be for him.

Believer

I just don't know what to think anymore... I really thought I had a chance to save this marriage. I really thought that he would come to realize how much I meant to him but now I am not so sure what is going to happen.

I am really starting to believe that he really wants out of this marriage. I am trying to come to terms with that and accept it.. Its just so hard to do..

Half my life has been my family and him and its just so hard to let go... I may have to accept the fact he really does not care anymore, so with all of this in mind I just have to let go.

Yes, it will be hard but its something I feel I need to start doing. This way if by some miracle he does come back it will be a very nice surprise.

I don't mean to sound like I am giving up or anything but I just have to face the facts, that as of right now he feels this is what he wants. So I just need to accept that and do my best to move on without him....

You are exactly right. RIGHT NOW he feels that this is what he needs to do. Tomorrow it might be something different. I hope you can go very dark - he is still getting a fix of you through MIL, SIL, and your kids.

well I have instructed all of them not to talk about me to him at all..... Nothing, nada, nil....

Its kinda hard with the kids though because he does see them but they both know they are not to talk to him about me at all....

But you can stop telling everyone what you are thinking, and what you are up to. Hope you will start going out more - with friends, looking for work, etc. Then spend some time cleaning. You can tell your kids all about how you cleaned the toilets, waxed the floors, dusted, did the windows, cleaned out the refrigerator, etc. Since you know there is liable to be a leak, don't talk about WH, or what else you are or are not doing.

your right about that. I have really not talked to anyone the last few days except MIL and here on the board about my feelings..

Only conversations with the kids had to do with why I needed to stay away from their dad and how they were feeling about it all...

Your also right I have to get out of the house more.. All my friends right now are our mutual friends and all are married couples so I try not intrude on their lives very much... My best friend lives like 20 miles away and with gas prices its not fesible to see her much...

I pray a job comes through soon....I really need it so I can be more independant and not have to count on wh as much ... I am sure thats a sore spot with him and OW right now...

After you get your job, I would still take a big chunk of his money. Let OW get a job to help him out.

Oh I plan to seeing how I will probably only get a min. wage job.... She has a job she works at home depot ..which is like 4 bocks from my home.... Have to drive by it to go anywhere..... He still does not have to help out , she still is not asking for money from him. At least thats what he says and tells people... And anyway he has none left after he gives me money and pays for his gas....

I feel so crappy tonite. I don't know if I am coming or going anymore....

My mind is so confused as to what is actually happening here... One minute I feel so confident and the next I am a blubbering idiot crying and falling apart...

This rollercoaster is making me sick. I am hoping in the next few days this is all going to calm down and I can relax a little bit....

Have trust in the program here. It works. Get your mind off of this and stay in Plan B. There are thousands of people who have saved their marriages here.

Hope you sleep well tonight.

believer

this is exactly what melodylane is warning me about...my husband is supposed to come make reapairs on my house and he is supposed to have dog visitation.

i'm afraid to tell him he can't see the dogs cause then he and OW will get a puppy and it will bond them together even more but melody says i have too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

then i come here and read the same kind of advice from you

crap!

sorry for the minijack hurting-i'm thinking of starting plan B and i DON'T want to!!

Believer,

don't worry I am staying in planb no doubt about that. I still have alot of hope here.. I was just down tonite thats all....

I do trust the program, its the only thing I think that will even come close to working.

In fact the kids and I are already planning next sunday. WH told MIL he was coming to get some stuff , so I want to be gone and let him show up to an empty house with no warning from us. Make him wonder you all say...

His stuff is on the back porch and he knows that and if not he will know it.....


We are going to planb him to death ... If it makes him uncomfortable to darn bad....... He deserves it......

Going on day 6 in a true planb.... No attempts of contact so far.... I am feeling a little better about this. I am not as emotional about it all.

I guess it will get easier as I go through this..
didn't get much sleep though , I try but thoughts keep invading my mind. I try not to think about it but laying in my bed that I have shared with him for so many years is lonely.