Words again. Look for actions. Again typical. I can't believe how the majority of them follow the same pattern.

Well one thing for sure I will not know if he gives her money.... As long as I get mine I can't worry about it...

I just can't believe how so many of the WS say and do the same thing. It just amazes me... Some of the things he has said and done , I would have thought no one else would have done. Wow was I wrong.....

I was going to walmart and lo and behold whom did I drive right by ..... Not sure if he saw me but I sure took off fast....

well been lucky today. he has no tried to contact me at all so far. D has to work at bowling alley tonite so she will see him. I have asked her not to say anything to him about me at all.

Sometimes I second guess myself in so much of this. I wonder if I had not asked him to leave our home when this all started if maybe it would not have gone this far. I wish I had found MB's before I did that. But then again I think about it and I remember what he said to me when I finally made it home from vacation. he said I will work on our M but will not give up OW. So I guess it really would have made no diffrence. I do know he was shocked when I asked him to leave because I could not live with him going back and forth between us.

Oh well thats all in the past and no amount of wondering will change it now. I can only go forward and pray that someday this will all be over and we can have a wonderful marriage. Thats why I think him leaving and going back on the road is a good thing. It gets him away from her to hopefully give him the space to help him get his head out of the fog. That may be hard as I am sure he will probably speak to her on the phone daily.

Staying in plam b for me is the only thing I have left to fight with and I hope it makes him realzie what he is throwing away.... I do know all of this is making me stronger. I don't have as many emotional days anymore... Yes, I think about it but not as much and I do have a good cry sometimes.

yes I sit here and talk about it but its just a way of getting my feelings out so I don't keep them bottled up inside and then explode. Yes I do miss my life and my H. But I also know the man he is now is not my H but some strange creature I don't recognize at all.... He looks like him , he sounds like him but he sure does not act like him.
The real H would never hurt people like this creature has and just walk away.

Anyway enough of my babble over this ...... Now I feel somewhat better after getting these feelings out.

Hang in there! You are going to be fine.

Please remember one thing. Your goal is not just to "get your H back" it is also to get him back as the man you need him to be!
You wonder how things would have been different if you hadn't asked him to leave in the beginning. If you had let him stay. This whole mess would have dragged on for much, much longer. He would have continued to see her on the sly. You would have wondered what was going on, you would have been secretly spying on him, always fearful. It would have dragged on for a long time, until finally you just got fed up and filed for D yourself.
You don't want that.
You don't want him to come back and still wonder what if he had moved in with her. You want him to come back knowing that life with her was no picnic.

Your right, womanoffaith. thats probably how it would have went. I do want him back as my H without him wondering what would it have been like. Well now he knows what it is like.

One day he says its not good and then the next he is as happy as he has ever been. Makes no sense to me. Can't help but feel though for him to be willing to go back on the road it can't be all that great. Of course he needs the money and he will definatley make a lot more money. Which I guess he has not thought about it means more for my kids.

I just pray that him doing this helps make him see the light of home and his family.

I am so mad. Went to pick D up from work. She tells me her dad was not bowlin tonite. I said I don't care to hear bout it. Anyway she continues on about how she called him at OW's and he was not home. So anyway OW is asking how she is and being very chummy. So what does D do she converses with her and ask he how is she and etc. etc.

I told D why are you even holding a conversation with her? All that is going to do is make them think you are accepting what they are doing is ok... She is well I promised dad I would not be mean to her. I told her I didn't say be mean I said for you to not engage in conversation with her. Ask for dad he isn't there say ty and hang up ....

Maybe I am wrong in feeling like this but I feel if D is being overly nice it will make WH and OW feel that the kids are starting to accept this and will make it even easier to justify their actions. Am I right or wrong?

You are wrong. Let your daughter do what she is going to do. You have let her know how you feel.

I was just like you. My WH has had OW at all of the family gatherings that I used to be at. My sons still go. I was very upset about it and let them know how disrespectful it was.

But I said my piece, and they know how I feel now. They are grown, and have to make their own decisions.

Ok then I will say no more to her about it. It just seems to me it makes it all ok in their eyes. But your right she is old enough to make her own decisions. it just makes me feel like she is betraying me as well ....

thank you for being the sensible one again believer...

Believer is right.

Anyway, I've been thinking that, given how your D likes to butt into things, she could create considerable havoc in the lil' love nest.

If your H goes on the road, it wouldn't surprise me if the OW doesn't line up somebody else to take his place while he's gone. I'm sure that she'll be hunting another "sugar daddy" (or demoting your H to that role). I can just picture it now. Your D, being the nosy buttinsky she appears to be, will find out, and will bust her butt to tell Daddy that OW is cheating on him. Now, imagine how the OW would react to that? Don't you think that she would start bad-mouthing your D to your H? Don't you think that your H would not be happy about having the OW perhaps calling his D ugly names?

Go get the movie, "Parent Trap", and see how the daughters in the movie treat the Dad's girlfriend. It might even give your D some really good ideas! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Lady clueless,

While all of that sounds good and I am sure some of it will happen. I agree that OW will not be happy and will be looking before long. She may hold out for a little bit but I don't think she will be alone long. As far as him being sugar daddy its possible, he is already said he is going to help her pay her car off since the other sugar daddy dumped her.

As far as my D finding out about anything the OW does is almost nil. OW lives 15 miles from us in another town. D will won't call over there once her dad leaves, so not much chance in us finding anything out.

I am babysitting my nephew this morning. the phone rang and it was WH calling. I am at his sisters house. I did not answer it. Then my cell rang and it was him. I didn't answer it either. He left vm on money issues, telling me how much to get from his paycheck.

At least he did try to go through his sister first, so I am glad he is at least trying to follow my wishes.

I talked to SIL this morning about us setting up someway of her being able to deal with the money issues once he goes on the road. I will try and have a plan in place by sunday. SIL is seeing him sunday and will talk to him about how to set all this up.

I am so ready for him to be gone and away from here so I can some sort of peace without worrying about seeing him. I also know him being gone will give him the time and space he needs to maybe get his head out of the fog. I am praying for that anyway.

Sounds to me like he knows you are there. Watch for possible contact attempt.

I have no idea if he does or not. SIL didn't say if she told him I was going to be here. he knows I take my cell where ever I go.... I hope he does not know I am here.

One thing for sure if he goes by ou home I'm not there... but I really don't think he is going to try and see me... As you said the other day he got his fix, so I would say he is good for a week or so.....

Don't be so sure about that. 15 miles is nothing nowadays, and teenagers get around! Being that your DD seems to like to tend to other people's business, I'm sure that she will be keeping up with what OW is doing. I don't think that's a bad thing, actually. If she's inclined to throw a monkey wrench into their affair, then let her have at it.

Just tell her that you don't want to hear anything about OW or your WH, and don't let her know about anything that you don't want your WH or OW to know about.

Then, sit back and watch.

I don't plan on stopping her from doing anything. I have stated how I feel about it to her and thats all I am going to say.

She already knows I don't want to hear bout OW or WH at this time. Dosn't stop her from trying though. I don't say anything to her about them anymore because she does tell him what I say.

Only thing I want to hear from WH is tht he has broken all contact and is willing to do what he needs to do to make our marriage work. I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon though. Just taken it one day at a time is about all I can do for now.... And lots of prayers....

I finally figured something out. Fridays always seem to be a low day for me. I guess its because the weekend is so close. I really hate the weekends, its so lonely and depressing.

I remember the year 1990, that when WH became a truck driver. My youngest son was 1 month old and that when H left out the first time. That was the roughest time i had ever been through in my life. H was out on the road for 5 weeks before he ever got to come home and then that was only for 3 days. We lived like that for almost 9 years. I finally got used to it and became a very strong independant person. The last 3 yrs of his road experience he was home on weekends. I guess what happen is I became to independant and when he finally was home all the time I didn't know how to handle it. Of course he didn't either, he was not used tothe day to day life of being home. So now that I think about it I see were things started going into a bad place.

Neither one of us realized we had been apart for so much of the time we had not really reconnected like we should have. I still did my own thing and never thought to spend the quality time with my H I should have. Now I am not blaming myself for his A at all, but I am beginning to see how I as his wife did neglect him. Then of course my depression coming along and all the stress of home it just progressed downward.

My H was wrong in not telling me how he felt and what I was doing to him and he was wrong in turning to another woman to ease his suffering and pain. I now see what I need to do make him feel loved and wanted and I do pray I will get that chance. I also see why he is afraid to try because he does not trust it won't happen again. But I know it won't happen again, I have learned alot about myself and how I contributed to our marriage problems. I just wish he could see how I am ready and able now to make things right.

So my hope is him going back on the road he can see clearly what he truly wants and needs is his family and myself. I know that may not happen as well and I am prepared to deal with it if need be. The one thing that really makes me feel good about this is I know he won't be with the OW on a daily basis. She will go weeks without him being there... Maybe just maybe she will realize he is not worth it and maybe he will realize she is not worth it either.....

so far so good , no attempts at contact ..... been a long day today, watching a 4 yrs old is hard... Forgot what it was like, kinda glad mine are older now. I don't have the energy to deal with it anymore.... It did help with keeping my mind busy though...

Hurting - I can't help but wonder - what type of R would you have if WH came back, agreed to NC, and then spent 75% of his time out on the road again? What is his schedule supposed to be like with this new job?

Hurting -

Wait till you have a ton of grandkids. One four year old will seem easy.

I would like to see you moving forward WITHOUT your husband. I'm sure he will be back to the marriage, but it will be good for you to have more of a life. Your children are growing up, and this is going to happen anyway.

well actually if this happens I would be going with him on the road then... I also have a cdl and we used to team up . So we actually would be together a lot. we have in place care for our 15 yrs. son.....

also with this job he would be home on weekends. Right now he is saying he would be out for he length of time of weeks so he can think and try and figure out what he wants.

Now thats not to say he will do that, heck he may come in on weekends and spend them with OW for all I know. In fact he told SIL he was leaving hs stuff at OW's while he is out. So that tells me he has every intention of coming to see her... So maybe I am worrying over this for nothing, he may have already made up his mind....

Plus I am used to this kind of life.... I lived it for 12 years and we had a good realtionship .... and I was with him every summer and several times during the year on the road... We loved it