so very true pep ......... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Good morning everyone. beginning 4th day of a true planb. it is getting easier to deal with. I still feel a little lost and moody but it will get better.

I just have a quick question. I was reading some of the old posts from different people and someone had put that everytime their WH tried to make contact in planb, They just handed him another copy of their planb letter. So my question is would that be a good idea? I am not sure if it would be or not. Any suggestions?

Hmmm. That is a good question. Wehn my WH used to try to make contact, I would ask him to read the letter I gave him. He even had the nerve to say "what letter?" It was the only letter I have ever written him after D-day.

They like to pretend that they don't know. Very strange. I guess that way they can continue getting needs met.

I think it all depends...I just went through this. I gave WS the letter on the 18th of August. He phoned immediately and left a voice mail talking about the contents of the letter and how he wanted the rest of his STUFF (duh...not taking your calls, remember the letter). Anyway, I played the voice mail for my therapist on Thursday and she said "Clearly, he did not "GET" the letter...he's very self-centered in his VM."

When we talked last week when I accidently took his call at the shop. He point blank had no clue what letter I was talking about. He thought I was crazy...so I just let it go. He's been drinking and obviously has blacked out. But I think it was Melody who brought up the point, he did get the letter, he just chose not to "GET" the letter.

Could be the same situation here...choosing to ignore it and testing you to see what boundaries WS can break.

I know what you mean. I been sitting here thinking about what happen last week with contact being made. I really am not sure it would have happened if D had not called him about S not wanting to go to school. I really don't feel heis going to try any more contact before he leaves on the 26th. Not sure how that makes me feel. In a way it makes me feel good because of no drama, but in another way makes me feel bad because it makes me feel he does not want to see me..... Why do I worry about this so? I guess I feel like at least if he tries he is still attached and thinking about me... Crazy isn't it ?????

Anyhow I have lots to do today , got my clothes washing now so I can go out job hunting again. Have to clean some floors since it rained yesterday and the dogs have now tracked in mud.... So I am not sitting here obsessing over this, its just thoughts and wondering I am doing..... I feel pretty calm about this all ......

Sadie,

You may be right about the not getting it part, and of course I fell over the wagon twice since he has gotten it.
So of course my boundries were crossed....

So thats why I am thinking I should give it to him one more time.... This time my boundries will not be crossed again.... I have the power to make sure of that... Anyhow I only have until the 26th to worry about it for now....

I don't think it can hurt to give it again....

I was talking o a friend of mine last nite about WH going back on the road. And she said you know maybe him being out there will bring back all the good memories of when you were on the road with him. I said I guess that possible. The times we had together on the road were wonderful and we both loved it. We had great times and saw a lot of things together. So maybe this will wake some of those old feelings up for him....

Hurting,

I know you are just starting PLAN B, but don't be surprised if one of the hardest things to do is to stop 'thinking' about WS. I will certainly admit to this challenge in my case. When I catch myself doing it, I ask myself: Feel like wasting energy? I can then move on to something else.

I may not have much to offer in advice, but you certainly have all my support.

{{{{{{{Hurting}}}}}}}}

For me it's unavoidable not thinking of them because I SEE them constantly. I live in a small suburb of Dallas and I SWEAR that every where I go...I see them. If I didn't know better I would swear they were stalking me, but it's a small town there are only two roads in and out of town.

I just saw them a little while ago...drove right by me and OW did her famous little shoulder forward hair flipping move...I couldn't help but laugh...of course she saw me but I am getting good at pretending not like I am REALLY seeing them and now I make sure I am always singing in the car...I must look like a looney to every grey Grand Cherokee driver in town.

So far..no calls here either after him getting the rest of his stuff yesterday...in the dark as much as I can be. I'm very proud of you Okiegirl!! But I don't know that I would bother with the letter again...I think he's just trying to step over your boundaries and see if you'll take the bite. You can always ask him to reread the letter...but ask one of the experts here first.

Sadie,

I am waiting to see what the experts say before I do anything.... We used to live in the Dallas area when our oldest son was a baby. We lived in Addison and then moved to Lewisville. Nice place but way to much traffic for me ...

Mimi,

yes you caught me obsessing again. I am trying not to but it just happens. And the question I had was one of curiosity. I was just wondering if somewhere in their feeble minds they miss their homes. So many questions and no answers... I know I will never get the answers but I still can't help but ask the questions.....

BS LESSON #1: I will never figure this out...

After all this time, Hurting, it still does not make full sense to me...

Sometimes I still look at my H say to myself, I can't believe you did that stuff to me..

WHY? WHY?

I've accepted that I will NEVER FULLY UNDERSTAND....

Shake the questions off- I mean really shake your head- and move on, Hurting.....

Head Shaking is a behavior that I'm quite familiar with at this point....

I am shaking my head mimi. Your right I will never understand this so why even try.

Tonite for some reason I am in the I don't care what happens mood. I know its just temporary and I'll be back to the I want save it mood tomorrow...

I think I am beginning to hit the anger stage now.... I am just plain mad at all this and all the crap he has said and done. Probably a good thing I am in planb or I would LB all over the place and give ultimatums if I saw him right this minute.....

Oh btw no contact attempts today either .... Maybe he got it or just dosn't really care.... Who knows , who cares right now ....

Glad to see you are sticking with Plan B. Any news on the job front?

Nope not yet.... Got some places to go tomorrow, have lots of yellow highlights in the newspaper..... Sure hope something happens soon.....

I remember those mood swings...

Hang in there....

yeah the mood swings arn't very much fun. One minute your falling apart and the next you just don't care anymore....

To be honest I think once I know he is out on the raod and nt with OW everyday, I will feel a lot better. I know that does not mean its over for them but I do know it won't be easy for her either.... Just to think she is alone like me will make me feel better ... butthen again it could make all of this go on even longer because they won't be together everyday so reality will take longer to set in.

Wow kinda had me wondering now will this job be a good thing or not.... if they only get to be together 8 days a month not much chance for LB's only time for happy reunions.

Don't worry about it. She won't be waiting around for him too long. It might seem fun at first, but it will get real old.

Oh believer I hope your right about that... Thats the one thing I am hoping for that she won't live like that....

Myself I am used to it I lived like that for years. I also am hoping that once he is out there he will remember all the good times we had being on the road together and decide he wants that again.... I'll sure be praying for that anyway .....

You are his wife, and he has a long history with you. He is still very attached. She is nothing but an interloper. She is in the relationship for instant gratification. She won't last.

It is funny how much we have in common. My kids dad was a truck-driver. For 3 years before the kids were born, we were on the road together. I look back at those wonderful times. We had so much fun. We drove from San Diego to Prescott, Arizona. Ah, the good old days.

So you know what its like to be on the road. Its a wonderful free feeling... We traveled all 48 continous states. I saw many things I never thought I would. I also drive as well, so we were a team. I miss those days of us being out there together. I am wishing for them to happen again.

I know you keep saying attachemnt but sometimes I just don't feel it anymore.... I know with me being unavaliable to him through planb is what I want and need. But I won't lie I expected him to try and contact more than he has. In a way it scares me that he is really moving on and does not care.... I feel in my heart that can't be true, but in my logical mind it does not feel that way. I guess only time will tell .....

Hurting -

My husband had a Freightliner. I learned to drive it, and did quite well. We went mainly to Prescott (a 12 hour trip) and back. But we had some great adventures. I used to talk him into side trips. Once we went to Zion, and went down a deadend road, and had to back out about a mile, on a narrow, and scary road.

Your husband IS attached to you. He is doing the normal thing. My WH tried to contact me constantly at first. Then I heard nothing for four months until he was in the process of moving back in.