All we ever had were Peterbuilts , 15 speed.... I loved it ... I do miss driving one of those big rigs.... I think the funniest part for me was when cars would come by and be a bunch of girls and they would act all flirty. Then they would look up and see a woman driving .. Talk about funny looks...

I know I am being unrealistic here because I know it is going to take time for him to get it together if he ever does. But I want so much for it to before the holidays...
Not sure how I could have a very cheery holiday season without him.... In all our 24 yrs we have never been apart at the holidays.... So much for wishful thinking because thats not that far away and the odds of it being that soon are pretty low.

Anyway I know by then I will be feeling a lot better than I do now, so maybe it would not be as bad as I think....

Hurting -

Don't worry about the holidays. You just don't know. You are very early in this. I have seen lots of turn-arounds and surprises. Stick to Plan B. The MB program works. You just have to trust it.

I do trust in it believer. I am doing all I can to follow it and not mess up anymore.

I just wish it could work on my time table not his .... lol

I just get so frustrated .......

Hurting - I have been here a long time. Most of the people that I posted to have recovered their marriages. Here is a post from a while ago that might help you.

posted February 08, 2004 09:13 AM
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This is a helpful analogy that follows MB principles, that I read in a book. I used it in one of my posts, and a member thought I should also post it here, to share with more people. I hope you all find it as helpful as I do.

As quoted in a book the counselor at my church recommended called "Love Life for Every Married Couple" by Ed Wheat (which even has a chapter on how to make your marriage work when you are the only one who wants it to work), I have to fly using my instrument panel. Meaning, I can't see what is going on, it is dark and stormy, and the only way I can get where I want to go is to watch my instruments (stick to my plan, read my books, make myself happy, seek guidance from God) and not concentrate on what is going on outside the airplane, because it is confusing and disorienting and will cause me to crash if I focus on it.

So all of you out there, even though what you are doing is going against every instinct you have, even though it seems like your plane is going down in flames, don't believe any of that. Watch your instruments - make your plan and stick to it - and you will be safe and sound. Definately safer than your WS right now, because they are so lost in the fog, they cannot even see their instrument panel! You will have to fly right for both of you.

Please go to your library and check out the above book. I'm sure I didn't do that great analogy justice. That is just the jist of the idea. Take care all and stay postitive and pray!

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But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

Believer,

That makes so much sense to me... It's so true it almost scares me.

I know thats the way to do because I do have to fly for both of us now. He is lost and can't see where he is going.

thank you for posting that to me ... In fact I am going to print that out so I can read it everyday.

You are such a positive person and someone I have come to trust very much. Even though I don't know you, I feel you are a true friend.......

You are a friend to me, too. The person that posted that was SpiderSlayer. She and her husband are happily recovered now, and her situation has much worse than yours.

I have read her thread.... When I first stared coming here and lurking I happened on her sitch.... I read the whole thing as was amazed at how it turned out for her....

I have faith in god that everyhting will turn out ok. And which ever way it goes , I will be ok. God has a plan for us all and I do believe he gives us no more in life than we can handle... I am sure this is a lesson that he feels I need to learn. I am not sure what it is yet but in time I will understand , when he is ready for me to know....

Just trust that everything will be okay. The chances are excellent that you will have your husband back. Now I have to get some sleep, and you should too. Sweet dreams.

Good night Believer, and sweet dreams to you ....

yes Mimi I got the idea of planb.... Not saying I like it much but I get it.....

its really hard not to break it but I am determined to do this the right way.... So between planb and all the prayers I say. I will become stronger and hopefully get my marriage back.....

I was soooo very impressed with your post to EAV regarding PLAN B! You've got it!!

DING! DING! DING! LIGHTBULB IS FLICKERING....

About time I would say.... I finally figured out what you all were telling me.

wish I had gotten it earlier, but I am hardheaded sometimes and it takes me falling on my face to understand something.

And believe me what happen last week and falling off planb and getting my heart broke again was what did it to me. I can not take another heartbreak again..

I'm recalling a conversation that I had with my H after we first reconciled. I expressed my fear to him. I said something like, "What if you do this to me again?" His response was almost identical to yours below, Hurting...
This is what you said on EAV's thread...



What this tells you is how you are gaining your WH's respect. He sees how hard you are fignting and how hard you have fougnt....

Mimi,

I am not so sure he thinks I have fought a hard fight. I think he thinks I have whimped out a lot of the time.

He has made remarks to me about how I have not lost my temper at all and when I did finally lose it one day he says to me It's about time you got mad. I told him last week I was so close to confrontng OW and instead of saying to me stay away from her, he says What would you say to her?

Sometimes I feel that he wants me to do these things to show him I am fighting. The remarks he makes sometimes makes me wonder if thats what he wants , me angry and confronting the OW.

I think he has seen me as being very passive and he knows thats not me never has been... So in conclusion I am not sure he thinks I have rally fought for this.... Or at least not in the way he feels I should....

I'm saying that this view of you will come in time...once you hang in there....

He wants you to lose it, get angry, in order to justify staying in the A...

You win out when you maintain your self-respect and not sink to their lowly level....

Got it?

Mimi hit the nail on the head.

Hmmm...when I look back at the way I have behaved...I haven't shown any emotion really. I guess I have been quite passive. I haven't technically fought, gotten angry, yelled or cried to him about any of this. I have kept all emotion away from him. He's only seen the happy side of Lisa. Smiles, smiles smiles. Even when he made his death threats against me...no emotion. I've never said boo to OW after we had our one and only chat. I know Melody said she knew I wasn't a true Texan because the OW was still standing...does this mean I have given up without a fight...or have I shown him I just didn't care?

I got it.... I do understand what you are saying. Thats what I keep telling myself, I have showed him I can handle things without anger and being vindictive. And that is so far from who I used to be.

I know he has commented on how he has seen some changes in how I conduct myself.

I still have a lot of my friends and my MIL especially who think I should become angry and confront the OW. They think thats what he is wanting me to do. I have tried explaining to them that it would be counterproductive but they just don't get it.

I have told them doing that just makes me no better than her and I don't want to sink to that level because I am a better person than her..... Now I just need WH to see that...

Lisa,

thats pretty much how I have been. Now I did do the crying thing he has seen that many times. Not that I beg and plead with him but I do seem to tear up when he is around. Not all the time, sometimes I do manage to be ok and happy around him. But when he starts the I love you but not as much as I used to or any of the other WH babble that hurts me I do tear up. I don't fall apart in front of him anymore but I know he sees me get upset and tear up.

Oh Lisa they know we care have no doubt about that. They know we want them home and to be the H's we love.
They just need to want it to.... Thats why planb is the most loving thing we can do for them right now.... And its good for us because its going to give us the time we need to become stronger so we can handle the outcome whatever it may be...

See I've never done that...never showed anything. I just said if this is what you want then I want you to be happy. I never wanted you to be with me if you didn't. He knew that...we've always had that agreement. But he told me even all this that he loved me. Not sure if he still does. Gawd, I just so want to call him and let it all out. Maybe I just need to do it and be done with it...tell him exactly what I feel and then just go quiet. I did in the letter tell him the part about we could work things out...but I haven't done anything other than that I've been as dark as can be emotionally.