I wish I knew what to tell you. But I do believe he knows you love him and want things to work out.

Just because he thinks he wants this, he also knows that you didn't turn your love off like a lightswitch. It just doesn't happen like that. You have loved this man and he knows it , so don't think just because you haven't begged , cried and gotten angry he does not think you don't care anymore.

he knows way deep down inside how you truly feel.... I do believe that....

Ohhhhhhh....men like nothing more than to see the women who love them jump into the mudpit to wrestle. It gives them erections.

It's all about him, isn't it? Not only does he get the ego trip of watching women fight over him, but he also hopes that you'll do his work for him. He knows what needs to be done, he just can't muster the will to do it. Hey, maybe ole Hurting, who is wrestling with pain and betrayal, maybe she can do that for him, too!

Been there, done that, washed the car with the t-shirt.



No you don't. It's for you.

I read something yesterday - I am not sure if it was on this thread or another one - that really rang true for me, about getting angry, yelling. screaming, or confronting....I think Pep may have said it - is that the WS is looking for you to yell at them, scream at them, and confront the OP so they can say "see, look at her, she is nuts, she has always been that way, she is so contolling, you see now why I had to leave."

This is EXACTLY what happend in my case. I read those words, and the memory flooded back.

The first time I got mad and yelled at him, on the phone, for any hour, he just sat there and listened. I thought to myself "he is really listening, this is really sinking in." The next day he said "there, I was waiting for you to get angry, now that you got it all out you can go on with your life. You can just "get over it" and start a new life for yourself.
That is not what I wanted to hear at the point.

Later, after we had been divorced about 6 months, I decided to sell my house. it had been both of ours for 18 years. I got the house in my name, and later decided to sell it and move into town to be closer to the boys school. That was when he got mad. Apparantly I was supposed to live in that house for ever, keeping it for him, and someday he was planning to buy it back.
Anyway, he wanted to confront me, in front of his mom and siblings. He called a "family meeting" and only 2 of his family memebers showed up. He kept saying that I was selling the house as some type of revenge against him. I blew up. I told him that it was not about him, that I had a life now that was seperate from him, and he needed to quit assuming that my actions had anything to do with him any longer.
I was so angry at the time. And he jsut kept saying "see Mom, I told you she is crazy, she is like this all time, she has always been too cotnrolling, that is why I had to leave her" up until then his mom was 100% on my side, but after that I would say she was only 50%. I did not say anything that wasn't true - he had been selfish, still was, and he was still trying to control my actions even after our D was final. But since I was the one who showed the angry emotions, I only made myself look back.

I am sure your WH wants you to get angry - but I doubt it is just so he can see that you are willing to fight for your M. I would bet he is still looking for some excuse.
So, as time goes by, and you don't give him sor tof excuse, you jsut continue to be a rock, he will have no choice but to admit that "hey, she is jsut a genuinely good person. She had every reson to be a b++ch but she wasn't".

You really are doing well. I know you don't feel like it - but you are. This is going to take time, but thats ok. To truly build a good, strong foundation, you need time. In order for him to truly learn his lesson, he needs to completely live out this whole false fantasy. You don't want any little remnant of doubt in his mind. You don't want him to ever say "what if I stayed with OW" you want him to KNOW that it was a mistake.

Thank you womanoffaith that post really meant a lot to me. Because your right, I am now thinking yes thats what he wants me to do. He is trying to bait me so he can be even more justified in his actions.

I do believe in time he will realize who the better woman is. I will not sink to that skanks level. She is not worth my time.

He has known me for 25 yrs and knows who I am , you can't be fake all those yrs. But OW he has only been with her since June and the fake is still going on. In time she will fail of that I have no doubt. I do believe it will be sooner than later with him now going on the road.

she has jumped from man to man in the few years we have known her. She wants them to be at her beck and call and with him leaving and only seeing her a few days a month it won't last long. I may be way off base on this but I don't think so....

THAT'S MY GIRL! You have SOOOO GOT THIS, NOW! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think you probably hit it on the nail OkieGirl...I feel the same way about OW...it's a game to her. I knew in my heart that night we had the confrontation. She had told me that she understood my pain because her EX left her for his secretary. But she wanted me to FEEL her pain. Everytime we've all been together and WS wasn't looking she was off at the bar or flirting up with the bar owner. I found out that the reason she would go up to the bar was to find a single man to buy her drinks...if there was no one there then she would buy her own. But we'll see what happens...I'll keep saying my prayers for all of us.

Yeah I got it ladies and I am happy I finally have. But why do I still feel like crap????

I'm not gonna lie I would love to take that B***ch and knock the he$$ out of her but I am to much a lady to do that. Anyways I don't have the bail money.....

As far as WH goes a really good baseball bat upside his head would make me feel good at this point to. But ya can't knock logic into a hollow fogged up head.

So the best thing is TIME ..... as the song goes ....

TIME IS ON MY SIDE ........

LOL!! That was one of my earlier thread titles!!

I wish know after reading Melody's post Sunday that I would have opened up my mouth and said something when she was at my house..."Get your white trash dog feet off my property !@#ch!" Oh well...I guess that's probably why today I am feeling like I just need to get it all out and out of my system...what do I have to lose?

Lisa,

I am here to tell you know if that woman ever sets foot on my property she will hear from me... My WH is not that stupid though he knows I would go off on them both.... In fact I know for a fact she is scared of me, she has told people that. Let her be afraid... she should be....

Vent girl vent...... ya gotta do it to feel better and get stronger.

Maybe someday I will have to come down your way and visit your shop.... Dallas is only like an hour and half from were I live. A nice little road trip is what I need ...... First gotta get some money though lol

Good grief woman...we go up to OK all the time. Not sure where you are over the border but we go to Durant for lunch all the time. Mazzio's pizza is the BEST...DD15 and I make a day of it. Have lunch up there and bring leftovers for dinner.

Yes, the next time there will be no mercy...the more and more I think about it, she is vial, viscious and evil. I still can't believe I fell for the whole AD issue with him. She drugged him and wouldn't let him talk to me...ARGH!!! Somehow I want to believe he's going to wake up one day and realize that this is not the life he wants. I think that's why I wanted to talk to him a bit. Let him know that the door is open. I don't know...I feel actually very good about our messaging today. I think it ended where he needed to think...

You come down here missy, stay with us...and we'll go get ourselves a good ole time. State Fair is this month!!!

THAT is some good stuff right there!!!
You don't even want to have her stench on your hands!!

OW in my case was only at my house once - that I know of. I came home eary from work one day and she was standing in my front yard!!WxH had been gone for about 2 weeks at that point, and this was the first time I ever saw her. When she saw me pull into the driveway she made a quick trip to WxH's truck, and got in. I started screaming "WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?" WxH ran to the truck, hopped in, and said "You should have called me to tell me you were coming home early" Huh?? I was hysterical - but not stupid. I said " I do NOT have to call my own house to say that I am coming home. This place is my refuge, it is my only safe haven, and that 2 bit W**re is not welcome here ever."

I have to admit, I still smile at that memory.....I didn't hit her with a bat, although I thought about it many times later. But at least she got to hear me call her the two bit wh**e that she is.

The honest to goodness truth is that we do not need to get revenge. It will take care of itself. I guarantee it. I had thoughts about seeking revenge in the beginning. Especially when my boys were upset. Do what you want to me - but don't hurt my babies! But I never let myself think about revenge for long. I knew it wouldn't solve anything. I certainly had many times that I could have done things to hurt him, or her, but I decided to remain the better woman. In the end, many horrible things happened to the 2 of them without any help from me. When they seperated she took out a restraining order against him (she is a cop) claiming that he threatened her. He had to hire an attoreny to fight it - because the restraining order took away his guns and he is an avid hunter. The attorney cost him $2500. OW would not back down - she had to get her day in court. On the day they went to court WxH showed up with 6 people to tesitfy on his behalf - she only had her attorney. the minute she saw all his friends there she dropped the restraining order. Meanwhile, she had hired an attorney, he hired an attorney, they both paid a bunch of money and looked like idiots.
I could give you many other examples, but this is the biggest one.
I fully believe that the Lord will take care of any type of "revenge" as long as you sit back and let him do his own work.

I like to believe this too...karma...whatever you will call it. That's why I've always chosen to take the higher road through all this. Nice to her the first time we talked and then another time and now I just plain ignore her. In two months...she has had to take care of him and his new drinking habit...we are guessing to the tune of 100 a week not including food. Her EXH hasn't been making house payments. Both cars were facing repo but not sure what happened now it appears they came up with the money for both car back payments. But WS was to the point of calling friends for money. Everyone turned him down. He's lost everything because of her and all she has gotten is a boy toy...and one with a helluva expense taste I may add. I sincerley can't imagine how he can live like this. No key to the house. A garage clicker..but she has had his car the past few weeks so he stayed home. I don't know...not my kinda life...not one he is certainly used to either.

Lisa,

I live in Lawton-Ft.Sill about 40 miles from Wichita Falls... Maybe one day we could make some plans to meet up... I would really like that....

If you want to email me let me know and I will post my email and the once you get it I will edit it out....

Womanoffaith,

I know your right the lord will take care of this for all of us. I am a true believer of what goes around comes around... I have seen it many times.

That skank will get hers one day for allowing a married man into her life. And WH will get his the day he figures out all of the pain he has caused and has to do the right thing. He will have a lot of people to make up to , not just me but our children and his family and friends.

Post your email addy away!!

Ok I will




let me know when ya have it

Got it...sending you an email!!

Well made it through day 6 of plan b .... He has not even attempted contact... Kinda scary in a way but it does feel better than being lied to and heartbroken every other day...

maybe he is liking this no contact thing better than I thought he would...

Anyhow I got a good line up on a job. It at a church day care and its only during the week. No nights or weekends, which is exactlly whatI want..... Hopefully it will work out ....

Its 4:30 in the morning. I woke up with WH clearly in my mind. It was like I could feel a connection or something with him. I tried and tried to go back to sleep but it just won't come. Is it my mind playing with me or after so many years is it a connection?

This is so hard, today is day 7 of a true planb. This is the longest its been without speaking to him or seeing him. he has not even tried to contact me since last week after all that happen and I reminded him of no contact until he makes a descion. So is he respecting my wishes or is he happy to have no contact? I have to be honest I am so scared he is happy about it.

I guess today is going to be one of the bad days. The fears and thoughts are running through my mind. I just can't imagine my life without him in it. But I have to face the possibilty that may happen.

Over half of my life has been with this man and he just walks out. I don't see how someone can do that. How do you forget all of those yrs?

Yesterday my son was suspended from school for cursing in the class room. I did not call WH and let him know anything about it. I asked everyone to leave him out of it. I figured I would handle this on my own. When I got my son home he broke down and said he is so hurt by what has happen and he does not know what to do. He says he wants to tell his dad how he feels but is afraid to. My SIL who is wonderful with my son talked to him and he decided to make his dad a tape telling him how he feels. He just can't do it face to face. Called the school and they have a counseling program set up for children who's parents are seperated or divorcing so we now have son set up for that. I hope it helps him. I decided not to let WH know any of this, I figured why should I if he wanted to be involved in his childrens lives he should be here where he belongs. He doesn't go out of his way to try and see them or spend time with them. He sees them when they make the effort to seek him out at the bowling alley on the weekends.

My son says he does not want to see his dad anymore. I told him I won't make him do anything he does not want to. I think he just needs time to grieve and work through this. I know in time he will want to see him. So I guess for now we both will be dark to him. Don't have to worry about D calling him and saying anything seeing how her cell phone was turned off. In a way thats a blessing. So actually all 3 of us will be dark for awhile.

I am just wondering how long does this withdrawl from WH last? I am just so sad today....


is this what it will feel like for him if he ever leaves the OW? I can see now how N/C would be hard for WS'S.

IT IS OUR CHOICE This is beautiful and so true!

READ THIS. LET IT REALLY SINK IN. THEN CHOOSE.

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, "I don't get it!

You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood.

I choose to be in a good mood."

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of
life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line:
It's your choice how you live your life."

I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw him about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins, Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of
my soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked. He continued, "..the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and
nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'.

I knew I needed to take action." "What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said John. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'."

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34.

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.