Hurting, I had been married, like you, for many years and sad to say had never slept in a bed alone except for brief periods. So, like you, I used to wake up almost every morning reaching for my H, thinking about him, wondering how he was doing....

I knew he had his cellphone off so I would call and listen to his voice on voicemail...

I think it's the similar but different than the withdrawal they go through. They are coming of an addiction. We are/were grieving the loss of our husbands, just as if they had died. I don't want to think or believe that is the same as warding off an addiction. What I faced and what you are facing is more devastating and long-lasting... That's why it takes so long to heal from this. You are suffering through a major trauma...

You are not alone.. I know it's hard...Try to stay busy..

Tell yourself that you are doing all you can possibly do. Ask the Saviour to help you and guide you. HE will carry you through..

I had to turn it all over to GOD...

Mimi,

I am trying so hard. I just am having such a hard time today. I have been doing fairly well most days. I guess its just fear I am going through now.

I know I don't need contact or actually want it because of how it hurts so, thats my logical mind talking. But in my heart I would feel so much better if he at least tried then I would know he has not forgotten me.

WH just dropped off D .... Seems she had him pick her up from school.... He just dropped her off , never even got out of his truck....

I'm not sure if I can do this... I am just so scared right now.... I know once he leaves on the 26th I will be ok because I know he is not around to have contact with....

Take all of that energy you are spending thinking about your WH and use it looking for a job.

Your husband is behaving absolutely normal for Plan B. He is beginning to realize that maybe you mean business. This is a very good sign.

Hang in there and don't give up on Plan B. It works.

I'm not giving up believer, of that you can be assured. I am just so scared right now.....

I am getting ready to leave the house to do some job apps. I have not forgotten what I need to do.

I know I can't be sure if he finally realized I mean business or if he just don't care. I just wish I had a clue... I gotta stop worrying so much I know that...

He knows that you mean business. He is typical. I heard NOTHING from my WH for four months. Then one morning he called me at work and announced he was in the process of moving back in. Sadly, he refused to write the NC letter and I kept him out.

Continue working on your home, and getting a job.

I hope your right believer. Thats what I want to believe also.

I am looking for the job and I think I am going to get some paint this weekend and paint my living room.... Not sure what color yet but something other than white....

thank you for sticking by me, I appreciate you and mimi so much .....

Sounds like a good plan. Painting it a different color will be fun. My friend just painted hers a dark reddish brown. Boy did that take some getting used to, but now I like it.

The chances are excellent that your husband will return. Stop worrying.

My son was 6 at the time and requested to write a letter to his dad because he was too ashamed of his dad to talk with him. So even at 6 years old, children know. The letter was 4 sentences long with 2 questions. That letter hit through the fog and the WS kept that letter. It was in his stuff he brought home.

Let your son write out his feelings and if you send both, that w/b good. This is therapeutic for your child, regardless of how it impacts the WS.

L.

TY for saying that, it makes me feel better. I know its not written in stone but I also believe in my heart he will come home someday. I have to believe that for right now...

WH and D had a talk this morning which she was more than willing to spill to me... she said he told her he does love me but not as strong as he used to, but yet he loves the OW a little more. Just what I didn't need to hear today... I don't believe it for a minute but it still hurts. He had asked her not to tell me what he said, but I think he knew she would.

I found out from my SIL what my son put on the tape to his dad. The jest of it basically amounted to him telling his dad how bad he hurts and he wants him to come home ans stop hurting himself and mom. He also told him he wanted him to stop seeing the OW. Also told him he does not want to see him right now. I have no idea how WH gonna take this right now.... He probably will continue to justify and use excuses. But one thing for sure he will remember it and a little bit of reality will hit him....

I think I may go for a pale rose color or something for the living room ..... My carpet is a light mauve color.... That would look pretty I think ...

Well SIL called, WH will be going to her home tonite and she is having him listen to the tape that S made for him.

I am not sure how this is going to play out. I am afraid after he hears it he may come over here. Not sure how to handle it if he does. I have no problem him seeing son but I worry if things get out of control ,I may have to step in. I have no fear of him doing anything to son but I don't want him to try nd justify to son and make him feel worse..... anyone have any advice on how to handle this if he comes by here?

I will keep myself out of sight..... but within hearing distance to monitor...... maybe MIL can come down if need be .... I hate to put her in the middle though..

If you seriously think that he may come by, it's a good idea for you and the children to go off somewhere tonight...

Don't you think?

you may be right mimi, but i know this confrontation with son is going to happen... It may not be as bad as I think it will. I just worry he will say some stupid crap to make son hurt worse.
I will call SIL and ask her if he says anything about coming here for her to call and we can leave.

SIL says maybe this will penetrate the fog some. I said it might but not enough to matter. At least it gives him something more to think about.... Sure would not want to be OW tonite when he gets home. Don't think he is going to be in a very good mood....

Hurting - Your WH will very likely say that you have put all of this into your son's head, and it is all your fault. Somehow they never look at their actions, their lack of time spent with the kids.

Believer is right. Stay away from him. He can listen to tape, but shouldn't come over to your home. Didn't you say S said he didn't want to see or talk to him for awhile. A cooling off period is in order.

He needs to go "home" to OW and handle this one. That if anything will make him come out of the fog. What won't make him come out is getting his "fix" by thinking he's being the good dad and coming over and talking to S and then you're there also. KWIM.

Let skanky OW console him. HA

Son does not want to see him at all right now....

he can say what he wants but I had nothing to do with it.

SIL was there with son when he broke down not me.... This was her idea to make the tape.

I know I think son staying away from his dad for now is the best thing. In fact son does not want to see him at all before he leaves on the 26th. And I for one won't force him to ...

Ok got it squared away SIL will call and let me know how WH reacts. If she thinks he may come here she will call and we can get out....

Not to worry, we will not be here of he comes over....

Your right inanutshell.. let the OW deal with this one.... Pretty sure his mood won't be a good one ......

Well amde it through the day with no attempts.... This is a good thing....

So upward and onward as they say.....

Still have not heard from SIL so WH must still be there....
ope everything is going ok... I don't want to call just in case he is there.....

I would head out for awhile anyway. He may try to come by.

i hope that you take just a minute to tell your son he is an amazingly brave young man who knows right from wrong.

what a good job you and your H have done raising him.