My cell phone just rang , didn't recognize the number so like a fool I answered it.... Was WH , he thought it was DD who answered. He asked for DD and I said she is not here. He said well tell her they need her at bowling alley to work. I said ok will do.... bye... I said bye ...

first time I have heard his voice in 8 days... what a bummer..... Just as I was starting to feel better tonight... He was not rude or anything just very matter of fact. Neither one of us tried to make any other conversation .... I was so shocked when I heard his voice..

Feeling very sad now

Time to change your cellphone number and have him to call her on the home phone...

He may have known what he was doing...

What I had to end up doing was to NEVER answer the phone at home or work..changed my cell number..

Anyone who called me had to first leave a message...

They are sneaking...

Unfortunately, that may have set you back a bit because he got his fix of you...

This is the only number we have now.... DD cell was turned off. Home phone was turned off a few weeks ago.... And all my job apps have this number... So can't really change it right now.... I just won't answer any more if I am not sure who it is ... Let VM pick it up ...

How much could it set me back????

Not much of a setback. Remember the goal, though, is for him to suffer..to begin to really miss you...

It probably relieved him SOME to hear your voice..

your probably right.... I know it didn't relieve me it just upset me ....

I will not answer the phone anymore unless I am sure of who is calling .....

I'm not even feeling like he misses me at all...

day 9 planb...
Last night was not a good night. I didn't sleep well, I kept having dreams of WH. I guess maybe its because I heard his voice yesterday. Its the first night I have dreamed of him in awhile.

I wonder sometimes how long all this is going to take before some kind of resolution happens. I see how some people have been in planb for months or even yrs. I can't imagine doing this for that long. I just can't imagine not seeing him for months. I know this may be the case but I just can't imagine it. I admire anyone who can do this for so long and recover their marriage. I'm not sure if I can be one of those people. I sure am going to try though.

You are going to be just fine my friend, just fine...and I think many of us believe it will be sooner than later. Just keep that pretty chin up and stay with it.

Lisa,

I hope thats the case. I don't know how long I can live like this...

How are you this morning? I hope you are feeling better.

You keep your chin up to ,I have been thinking about you and said a prayer for you last night. I know you will be fine.

Way to quiet around here today.... Been cleaning and found some of WH's clothes in the wash room.... So I washed them and folded them like he was coming home.... The reminders are way to many here....

17 yrs of memories in this house , everything I look at reminds me of him... I can't even sit in the his lounge chair it hurts to much .... Wish I could get rid of everything and have all new..... At least no memories associated with new stuff....

Hey, what you doing this weekend? maybe it's time to start sorting his stuff into boxes. I think the reason he has not gotten a storage unit is because he doesn't beleive this whole thing will turn out in actually living apart, even though that is what he's doing. If he doesn't have his stuff then he can convince himself this is just temporary. He needs to face the consequences of his acitons...sure, you don;t want a D, but how long will you feel this way? And what if he takes 3 years to decide (like believer's WH), what then?

It would make me feel better to go through something not too heart wrenching and put it in the garage or in a place he could pick it up...do you have a garage? Move his furniture to the garage? What about painting? Taking down or moving around pictures. He doesn't have a right to make demands on the wya you live or keep house...

I already have his stuff in boxes and have asked him to get it weeks ago.... Before planb he came several times and saw the boxes and asked what was in them. I told him his clothes and all he said was oh, ok....

In fact 2 weeks ago he was here and needed a change of clothes and went through the boxes and got what he wanted and still left them sitting... If he wants be gone why won't he take his stuff?

I don't have a garage its now a den. But I have a washroom and thats were his stuff is going as soon as I clear a spot.. I am not asking him again to get them.. His problem now if he doesn't get them....

(((( Hurting ))))

My WH is also an OTR driver. I have not read much of your story. (computer probs.) My WH decided to go over the road last year and I believe it was to get away from me. He has been involved in a LTA. This he will not admit - which only makes it much harder to deal with - but this I know. Being OTR gave him much time to talk with OW - younger - I am near your age - on his cell phone.

You should feel a little reassured that your WH has most of his stuff still at home. I agree that speaks volumes. My WH has taken everything out of here. Everything. Over the weekend he told me that he really did not have any reason to ever come back here. He said this regarding me bringing up the A, or contacting OW which I have done in the past when he was gone.

I just came off the truck, being with him for the last 5 weeks. I have done this before, mainly to show that I am a sport, but mostly to babysit him. Our stories are a little similiar. And I would gladly coorespond with you further, if you would like.

My very best wishes to you. I know just how hard this can be. But - you CAN do it, if you really put your mind to it. Take care.

Carnation

Carnation,

My WH has been a OTR driver since 1990. He has only been off the road 3 yrs. The main reason for going back is money. He has also said he is going back because he needs time to think because he is confused. As far as the cell phone goes I have that.

He has been living with OW since July except for about 2 weeks of coming home twice.

I do know he is not happy as he has told me that but he says he is afraid to work on our marriage because if it does not work then he has lost no only me but OW. I think a lot of his fear is being alone.

of course I am still getting the I love you both crap. I am hoping him being out on the road will give him some time to think and figure some things out. I also hope it will bring back all of the wonderful memories we had being OTR together. We drove together as team for a few years and loved it very much. We always had a great time.

WH has said over and over he was getting a storage unit for his stuff because at OW's apt. there is not enough room. so I don't know if him leaving it all here is because he can't really afford a unit or he just figures this is as good as any place to store it. I hope in the back of my mind its because he feels someday he is coming home, but I have no idea. A lot of the stuff he took with him first time he left he never took when he left again....

so its a wait and see situation.....

I guess you can't move can you, Hurting?

I could not live in our old house with all the memories. Put it up for sale after about 2 months in PLAN B. FWH did everything he could to get out of signing papers to finalize putting the house up for sale. It sold on the first day-all that cleaning and redecorating! That was the day he first called me, talking about reconciliation..

He saw the SOLD sign..had been doing drivebys...

There's something sacred and symbolic about the home and clothes issues...

My FWH wanted me to be waiting there in the HOUSE with his CLOTHES until he was finished playing. He didn't really have his own plan of how he was going to return. I think he would have kept it going indefinitely as long as he could... YUK!!!!

Now he and the clothes are in the NEW HOUSE with me...

Nope I can't move Mimi, since the house is in my MIL name on the deed to ....

Not only that my SIL just called to let me know how much money I could get.... WH is not being very generous right now.... Last week he only gave me $100.00 of course his pay was only $200.00 this week he got $ 356.00 but says I can only have $175.00.. I can't make it on this little bit of money he is handing out.... Most of what I am getting today is for the electric bill.

I can't afford a lawyer to get something legale done... I just don't know what to do anymore..... Why now is cutting money??? I don't get why all of a sudden he has turned so mean ... I do remember him saying last week on the 6th that he wanted to help OW make her car payments since she lost her sugar daddy.... I can't believe someone would do this to the people who love him the most. Nt only that the ones he is legally responsible for, how can I make him take responsibility??? Legal aid won't help , no lawyer in town will help without $500.00 up front.... I don't have that its all I can do to pay the bills now.... Anyone have ideas?????

bumping up

When I come to this forum, I sometimes wonder how I did it..Because, my FWH was also VERY MEAN during his A and it cost us A LOT FINANCIALLY....

An A is an ADDICTION just like a CRACK ADDICTION..You know about how crack addicts treat their family members badly..how they lose everything...how they have to REACH THEIR BOTTOM..it's like that with your WH...it was like that with mine..

So the thing to do is to focus on your OWN SELF-SURVIVAL...To focus on coming up with a PLAN TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN..

He is not there for you and will not be there for you until he reaches his bottom and is finished with the OW...Of course, he is spending money on her, trying to maintain his FIX, HIS HIGH...

You are not going to understand it. I couldn't. You are not going to be able to figure this out..

THIS IS VERY NASTY AND DIRTY AND UGLY STUFF...SCRAPING THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL...IT'S LIKE ALMOST REACHING THE PITS OF ******...DON'T LET HIM DRAG YOU DOWN THERE WITH HIM....

Is there anyone that you can go to live with? Time to go to SOCIAL SERVICES..TODAY..RIGHT NOW...Do they have emergency housing? What about your MIL? Is she a resource for you?

I have been to social services , all I could get from them is 297.00 a month ... WH is giving a lot more than that .... I don't need to move the house is safe its the monthly bills I am going to struggle with .... MIL really does not have the money to help at all..... I have to pay $100.00 a month in car insurance and his truck is on that to... All the bills have his name on them ... But why would he care he is not here to be the one with water or electricity etc etc ....

I am looking so hard for a job and nothing is happening...If I could find a job it would help so much then I would not be so depedant on him ....

I just don't know what to do .... We have already lost the home phone because of this ... Whats next ?

Maybe I should just go get car insurance on my car and forget about his truck and let him worry over it .... I just don't know anymore ....

I just wish he would hurry up and hit the bottom .... before we lose everything we have ......

YEP..if this will mean extra money for you and the children.

I didn't worry about paying ANY BILLS JUST in my H's name EXCEPT for the UTILITIES....

Did you get food stamps from Social Services?

What if he stops giving you money? Do you have a plan in place for that possible outcome? Sorry to have to ask....

Still working on the food stamp thing , I have taken in the paper work but no word so far.....

All the utlities are in both our names. If he stops giving me money I am screwed unless I find a job soon....

This seesm to be really getting worse and worse ..... He is really detaching himself from us ... Maybe planb was not a good idea , it seems to be driving him further away ...