Womanoffaith,

thank you so much for those words of wisdom. I know your right I did not cause this to happen. He chose it of his own free will. I do want to go back to church , I'm just not sure if I am ready for it yet. I do pray everyday to God and ask his forgivness. I pray to him to help my H find his way home and to heal his heart.

I know your also right about him saying he is done. He has to say that to justify his actions. thats like the times he has been here and told me he wanted to come home and tell me he loves me more than anyone. He denies saying this. He tries to make like I am lying about to his mother. I have no reason to lie about such things. The last time that happen we went to his sister together and told her of our plans to be together and then the next day he changed his mind. That was only 10 days ago when I fell of the planb wagon. So I wonder why does he say these things to me only to change in 24 hrs.

Thats why I know I have to stay in planb and away from him. I can't take my heart being broke again and again....

Hurting -

My WH went to church with me on Sunday morning. He surprised me by standing up and requesting prayers from the members, for our marriage. He didn't go into detail but said we were going through problems. (Yeah we were. He was living with the OW)

After church he told me he wanted to reconcile and get back together. He kissed me and left.

That same Sunday night I went over to his house to talk about reconciliation. He couldn't talk, as he was in bed having sex with the OW.

So you see, they have no idea what they want. The only thing you can look at are their actions. Words mean nothing.

I think I am finally getting that Believer. But I took his actions of actually going to his sister with this as something positive.

Any other time he has said things he never wanted them told. So I figured since he was wanting to tell his family he meant it. What a fool I was....

I don't know why they do these things. Wish I could answer that one for you. My WxH and I lived in a house on 5 acres for 18 years. Property that had been passsed down in HIS family for generations. He loved living there. We would sit on our front deck in the morning drinking coffee and watching the birds. He truly loved it.
After he left, he came home one day to get a few things and I said to him "I don't understand how you can walk away from your home, your sons, and your wife to live with some other woman and her two small kids."
He got angry with me and said "I have always HATED it here!"
I knew that wasn't true, but I still cried all day when he said it. For weeks I kept thinking "How could I have been so
blind? Why did I think he was happy here?"

Later, I asked him about it, and he did not remember it at all. All he could say was "I must have been mad when I said it, I don't even remember it."

We also went on a trip to Greece once, which he loved. He talked about it for months afterward. Carried the pictures around everywhere to show everyone.

After he left, he screamed at me one day "You and I are just too different people, we have nothing in common, OW is exactly like me. You like to travel, but I HATED that trip to Greece."

He actually said he had hated the trip, which was not true.
Several days later, I asked him, again, why did you say that? Did you really hate that trip? It was such a wonderful time for me.
He looked right at me and said "Huh? I never said I hated that trip. What are you talking about?'
Honestly, at times they make you think you are losing your mind...
But even this is all part of the script as well. Every single BS will tell you stories of things their WS said that they later could not remember.

I think in this case, when your H said he truly loved you more and wanted to be with you, he did mean it. After all, he has said that in front of his sister, he said it to your son one time when he came home. I suppose that part of the reason he denies it the next day is becuase it is such a huge, mind blowing realization when they wake up and realize they have done such a horrible thing.

Your WH truly has a huge conflict going on inside of him right now.

Please make plans right now to go to church on Sunday. Call someone up and ask if they will take you. make a plan now, with someone else, so you won't back out at the last minute. You do not need to wait until you are ready. You are ready right now. God wants you to worship him, to take time and sit in a place where you are not just a BS, a mom, a woman looking for a job. You can sit in your seat at church, and for 1 hour, it is just you and God.

It will be awkward the first time, but easy after that.
Get that first time over with this Sunday.

I will do that. I need some kind of peace and I think I will find it in church.

I know WH is very conflicted. He even said it himself after the last time he changed his mind. He said he was so confused he didn't know what he wanted anymore. He told his sister night before last that is why he is going on the road so he can have some peace and time to think.... He has admitted to me and our son he was wrong in doing what he has done, but so far nothing to change it. He is still with her.

His conflict is very great, I can see that. It makes me so sad for him that he is so confused. I hope that being away from all of us will help him get some peace and clarity.

Go to church. Forget about him. The more stuff you do for yourself and family, the better you will feel. I went crazy, organizing, cleaning, throwing stuff out, painting and exercising. I had to do it. You can only spend so much time thinking about all of this, before it gets to you.

Believer is right. Keep busy and find solutions to your money problems.

Tomorrow is Saturday. Head out to Walmart and get some poster board and a wide tip magic marker and make some yard sale signs. Get out real early in the morning and put 'em out on street corners.

Then hustle back home, get out your WH's stuff and sell as much as you can.

If he's cutting back your money, you have every right to support your children by selling the stuff he left behind. It's just consequences, that's all.

And, the Ebay idea is a good one. It's a great way to get rid of excess stuff. Do your research to learn what sells, and learn how to get started by browsing the Ebay discussion boards. Most people get started by selling good, but unwanted, things they have around the house.

Well its all a good idea but its not that easy here. I have to get a permit for a yard sale. That cost 10.00, so it would have to wait until next weekend ... City hall is closed tomorrow... Plus I have to fill out a tax form and charge tax and then pay the city ......

Not saying I won't do it just saying it can't happen tomorrow. I can't afford a fine for doing it without a permit...

I am feeling a lot better tonight. I guess after the panic of today I realized I can't change anything. So I just have to deal with whatever happens. I'm not saying I won't panic again but for now I am calm.....

I Can't help wanting my H back and still loving him. I just have to put that away for now in hopes that sometime in the future I can pull it back out ....

thank you all for your support today....

Put that thought away, and guard your love.

You are doing very well. I went for months and months just existing like a zombie. When I exposed to OW's husband, I remember him saying that the affair would probably last 6 months, and I thought I would never make it that long.

Now it has been 3 years, and I'm doing fine. But stick with Plan B so that you don't lose your love for him. It happened to me, and I really think once it is gone, it is gone.

Your right believer. I can't imagine this will last that long , but who knows. I do know one thing I know for a fact I won't wait that long I admire you for being able to but for me I can't or won't live that long without companionship.

I do love him very much but I just won't wait that long...

Today is day 10......

I am feeling a lot better today. I still had dreams last night but they didn't wake me up. I am putting all of my energy into getting things done around the house today.

he creeps into my mind at times but I try to shake it off. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

This is so difficult to live with but I am getting better everyday. Somedays it still seems like a dream ,and I am going to wake up and it will be over. Life will be like it used to be ... We would be happy and enjoying our family... Maybe someday that will happen or maybe not but either way I have to live on......

I am so proud of myself today. I have cleaned out my desk ...what a mess, I ended up with a trash bag full of stuff. I didn't realize how much crap I had it there.

I only have one room left and thats the bathroom... I hate cleaning the bathroom.

today is a good day ..... I am even being nice, I have found all of WH's stuff he needs to take on the road with him. His sheets for the bunk and his maps and CB radio.... I have put them all in a box for him. I will make sure SIL gets them to him. I wanted him to have the things he needs , it makes me feel good to do this for him. I know maybe you all will think its meeting one of his EN's and maybe so but at least he will know I do care enough to do this.

anyway time to clean the bathroom..... Yuck !!!!!!

You are being very nice. I just kinda threw WS in a pile outside the garage the day he came to pick stuff up.

Can you help me remodel my house when you are all done. Going to start the project this week...since the shop I no longer need the office in my bedroom. Moving it all out to WS old office in the formal dining room.

Lisa

I guess maybe I am being too nice but I can't see were getting mean about it will get me anywhere. It's not like I went out of my way to do it. A lot of it was stuff I was cleaning out of closets anyway. So now I do have more room.

Oh moving stuff, that will be good therapy for you .... About like me cleaning the bathroom great theraoy .....NOT!!

but one thing for sure it will keep us all busy .... No time to think.....

Yes, I can totally relate...it's not in my nature to be mean. Just can't do it...like to have a clear conscious about my life. I was thinking that WS could use on one these desks but I won't call him. Maybe get a storage unit to put stuff into just in case he comes back.

Got a big group of friends to go to Oktoberfest tonight in Addison...should be fun!! We used to go as a family but not this year. Hopefully he doesn't know about it and they won't show up.

WOW!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Either he's not very heavy or you have an incredible set of muscles! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Just kidding! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I don't think you should give him his stuff for the road, HURTING!

Remember he needs to SUFFER...the consequences of his ACTIONS!!!

Giving him his stuff will set you back..

OOPs...meant I threw his stuff out...but that would have been funny...

I wondered what Mimi would think...suffering makes him have to go out and buy all new stuff...an expense he really doesn't need right now...but makes him think "Oh if I was home right now...C would have all my stuff ready for me like she usually does...it would have been okay for her in Plan A to do this, correct? But in Plan B he has to do it for himself...I think I am getting this...by God I think I am getting this...

I knew what you meant....just got a mental picture of myself hurling my 260 lb. H onto a pile of junk and thought it was sooooo funny! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

SHEESH...He's living with a pile of junk....oops did I say that?