|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 316
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 316 |
Are you NUTS? What are you thinking? DO NOT give your SIL his stuff so he can take it on the road. That's what he needs to be thinking about. You are in Plan B remember. NO contact, no doing for, NO nothing. He needs consequences to his actions. Keep in mind, while you are worrying about money issues, kids, etc., etc, he's still bowling how many times a week (spending money he doesn't have) and living with a skanky ******.
Come back to reality HURTING. You're not in Plan B to help WH. I promise you, you won't get a word of thanks for doing such "nice" things. Stop now and do things for you, not for HIM.
BS/47
FWH/42
Married 22 yrs
Kids - S30,SD23,SS22
OC Born - 09/08/04
C with OC - SS
It's an UPHILL CLIMB
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 316
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 316 |
AND.... NOT doing this for him does NOT make you NOT nice. Again, he doesn't give a damned if your nice or not. He WILL find fault with EVERYTHING you do. I read some of your posts from yesterday. Trust us - WH is still following the typical WH pattern. HE is not behaving out of the ordinary for WH. He's no different than the rest of the selfish, self-centered, jack behinds.
BS/47
FWH/42
Married 22 yrs
Kids - S30,SD23,SS22
OC Born - 09/08/04
C with OC - SS
It's an UPHILL CLIMB
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609 |
Ok then maybe you all are right... But he has already asked our son to get his cb radio and stuff for him .....
I can't ask my son not to get this stuff for him. It is his after all.
So what do I do?
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 316
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 316 |
INHO - Your WH is putting your son in the middle again for the umpteenth time. Asking him to do things that he should be taking care of. Puts you between a rock and a hard place with S. I thought you asked S & D to not discuss WH issues with you? S is now speaking to WH?
If you WH wants things from your home, he needs to deal with adults NOT his children. If your SIL has been the go between, let her do that now and have her tell your WH that it is not acceptable for him to be asking his children to take things out of your home.
I say take it ALL over SIL's and have her call him and tell him his ****** is there. No reason for C then and he has to figure out what to do with his stuff.
BS/47
FWH/42
Married 22 yrs
Kids - S30,SD23,SS22
OC Born - 09/08/04
C with OC - SS
It's an UPHILL CLIMB
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 316
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 316 |
Just contradicted myself, but hadn't seen the post about WH asking S to get this things. He wants his things - he gets all of them, not bits and pieces. A bunch of hogwash. Go ahead and take ALL of it to SIL's and have her call WH to come pick it up. Then you're done with it. He NEEDS to have consequences to his actions.
BS/47
FWH/42
Married 22 yrs
Kids - S30,SD23,SS22
OC Born - 09/08/04
C with OC - SS
It's an UPHILL CLIMB
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609 |
He asked son to do this last weekend before the confrontation between them.....
I probably should take it over to SIL and let her call him and say its there....
This is all so confusing... Glad I posted what I did or I would have messed up again.... I just wanted to be nice and let him see I still cared about him....
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609 |
WH just called my cell phone.... I didn't answer and he left a VM. I am sure its for DD since she has been trying to call him all morning....
I don't like that he has to use my cell to talk to the kids, but for now thats the only phone we have.....
I have not listened to the VM and don't intend to.... I will DD listen to it later. For now he can wait ......
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
I agree with inanutshell. Pack up ALL of his things and take to SIL.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609 |
Well then I guess that is what I will do ..... It scares me to do it though...
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 316
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 316 |
If he wants to play house with the kooze, then he needs to play all of the way and that includes worrying about where to put his "stuff". I understand it's scary. You're holding on to his stuff because you think if you pack it up and make him get it, that's going to be the end all. It's not. It'll make him think and again, he won't be a happy camper and skank will have to deal with his mood.
BS/47
FWH/42
Married 22 yrs
Kids - S30,SD23,SS22
OC Born - 09/08/04
C with OC - SS
It's an UPHILL CLIMB
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 249
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 249 |
I have to admit that having WS stuff here was like a double-edged sword...he didn't ask for it...which gave me hope that he was keeping the door open. At the same time it hurt to see his stuff in the house, it was a constant reminder of him and his absence.
Then one night when we were all out he was drunk and angry that I was having a good time and he started World War over his stuff...so I gave him everything he asked for...not once, but now three times...he kept remembering little things that he forgot to ask for. Now he has everything. Or at least until he thinks of something else that I cannot find.
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back its yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.
You can't make sense of insanity...definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Lisa
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609 |
Your right inanutshell, I am afraid if I make him take it all he will be done.... I know it will make him angry ....
this is all so hard for me .....
On one hand though I want to make him suffer without his stuff.. he chose to leave it and now he should have to do without it ....
wasn't my choice for him to leave the last time, he did that all on his own....
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
My vote is for you to keep all of his stuff...
Period....
Don't bag up any special stuff..
Don't let your son give him anything... Tell your son NO..good practice for you....
The stuff is in the house that he chose to leave..it's yours as far as I'm concerned...
Keep it period...
Then he will suffer...
There won't be any angry reaction from him..
You don't want that...Anger at you causes him to justify the A...
Let him have to buy new stuff or do without...
Let her LB and complain about you....
That's my humble opinion...
Keeping my FWH's stuff was IMPORTANT....
Last edited by mimi1254; 09/17/05 05:47 PM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609 |
Mimi,
He will probably be angry either way...
if I don't let him have his cb and stuff.
so I will be in lose -lose situation either way...
and to be honest I would not put it past him to figure out someway to gain entry into the house to get his cb and stuff.. He knows how to get in easily....
Last edited by hurtinginokla; 09/17/05 05:53 PM.
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
I'm just saying, LET HIM DO ALL THE WORK...
Don't HELP HIM IN ANY WAY....
Let him figure out a legitimate way to get it...
Didn't you tell him to go through your intermediary?
Having him do all the work DOES CAUSE HIM TO SUFFER....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609 |
yes he knows to go through his siter and he has been so far .....
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
So there you go... That's what he has to do...
Now get your mind on something else and let him worry about his stuff...
He's supposed to be SUFFERING and WORRYING about it and NOT YOU...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609 |
Yeah for some reason I have all this backwards.... I am worrying and he is doing nothing ...
I been busy though cleaning and dong laundry and watching
Bonanza on tvland .....
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310 |
You've got it! Make him worry about the stuff...
His stuff is probably the last thing on his mind right now...
Unfortunately, he is not being a responsible H right now...
Yea, worrying about his stuff is TOO WIFELY for you right now..
Let's see if the OW can help him with this life dilemma...in the midst of trying to maintain her fairy tale world...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,609 |
Mimi let me ask you a question....
How do we know he will suffer?
how do we know he even cares at all about no contact with me ?
I am just curious how do we know?
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
248
guests, and
63
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,489
Members71,947
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
