The affair is an ADDICTION fueled on FANTASY. The feeling they get from this FANTASY produces a HIGH-like someone on drugs, an alcoholic...

An addict, like your WH, won't be motivated to go into Recovery until he reaches his LOW...

One way they maintain the Affair High is talking about how bad their marriage is, how awful their spouse is and then the OP gives them a FIX of whatever she seems to MAGICALLY produce..just the right touch..just the right meal...

Without YOU to talk about, without any problems to complain about, without YOU meeting his other needs, THEN THE OW has to do it all..SHE WILL FAIL and SHE WON'T SEEM MAGICAL ANYMORE...HE WON'T GET HIS HIGH FROM HER ANYMORE...

Then he begins to suffer... because she will only be able to meet MINIMAL IF ANY EMOTIONAL NEEDS... She will become a REAL PERSON...how depressing for a WH to learn that he is stuck with A REAL PERSON....She will begin to DEMAND and LOVE BUST because she thinks she has him..

WHAT A MESS......

Does this make sense?

I think he will particularly suffer, too, because just like my H, your H has depended on you in the past to arrange and organize his world...in preparation, for a trip, for example..

The OW doesn't have a clue.. Here you are wanting to help him with this. It comes natural to you, doesn't it? She is just trying to feel her way. That's how I developed my confidence during PLAN B because I became certain in my mind that the OW didn't know my H like I did. Sure enough I learned that he tried to teach her how to do things and gave her chance to do things for him on her own. Of course, she failed and he began to miss me.....

They cannot just live on LOVE, LUST AND FANTASY....No one can.. That's why this will FAIL....

It does make sense , it really does....

I now wish he was not going on the road. It's going to be hard now for her to LB... Because then they will only see each other for such short periods of time... Maybe 8 days a month.... Just enough to have the fantasy stay alive....

This is gonna suck big time....

Maybe he won't go..

He will find it difficult to leave her...

Oh he is going ... He already gave his two week notice .....I don't even know if he has told her.... He at first said he was just going to leave her a note.. But then later said he would tell her .....So I have no clue

he says he is going out for 3 or 4 weeks without coming home... Not sure if he will do this though... but if he does is it possible he may start to see some of the fog lift??? Guess the best I can hope for is she complains he is gone to much .....

Hurting:

Please try to stop thinking about him now..

You are right about this statement. You have no clue...

Try going to church tomorrow...

Hand this over to GOD.. Trust only in HIM...

I'm trying to forget mimi...

Its so hard when I now know they won't be together to really get its all just a fantasy ....

never thought I would want them to spend all their time together ...

Maybe she'll go with him on the road...

Who can guess about these infidels..

He'll be in constant contact with her...

They are struggling to make it work.. you can be assured of that....

No I doubt she will go , she has her daughter and her job ...

I would imagine he will be in contact with her ..... he was with me when he was gone before .....

I'll be able to know if she goes with him ....I see her car everyday at her job when I leave my house ...

time to let this go for tonight...

i'm cleaning upstairs where my YS lives when he is not in college...

Scary how messy he left it up there...

H is with OS at a business meeting...

ok gn mimi ... happy cleaning

I meant time for you to let YOUR WH GO for tonight...

I'd much rather be on line than cleaning....

YUK...

Oh ...I am really trying ...I am watching armagedon on tv ....

I know I obsess to much , but after hearing everyone talk about them spending all their time together it dawned on thats not gonna happen here.... So it kinda scared me ....

Did you get those bathrooms cleaned? I did lots today, and it feels great.

yup got the whole house clean .....

Looks good to ....

I didn't do anything fun, just cleaned, washed, and went grocery shopping. But it feels good to have everything done. I very seldom have it all done at once. Usually I'm behind on something.

Are you going to try church tomorrow?

I'm still not sure ..... I want to but I don't have a regular church ... I will be honest I have not been to church in a few years except for when I was at my moms this summer....

I don't want to go by myself ... not right now anyway ...

Ok forgive me guys but I just have to ask this question and I will stop talking about WH for the night I promise.....


When he goes out on the road and if he stays out for the 3 or 4 weeks he says he is, even if he talks to her is it possible that he could start thinking clearer? I know talking to her is contact but he will not be seeing her so does that make a difference?

Really this is the last time I will mention him tonight...

Has to be absolutely NO CONTACT. SORRY...

Talking counts...

CONVERSATION by phone or in person is an EMOTIONAL NEED...

Then you could add in AFFECTION on the phone...

I'm not going any further..

You got it?

yeah I got ......

Don't like it but I got it ....

Seems like I am in this for a very long haul .......

I just need to let go and move on.... I feel like there is no reason to do this. I believe he has already made his descion and it was not our marriage.

I do still love him and always will ....

I woke up feeling a little better this morning.

I know there is nothing I can do to change this situation. I just have to stand back and let god take over.

I saw something in someone elses post about reciting the lords prayer outloud everyday. I am taking that advice and just going to take it one day at a time. its all I can do.