I know that I have to make myself happy. Its something I am trying. But he has been such a large part of my life for so long its just hard.

A lot of my happiness was doing things to make our lives happy. He always made me happy with his sense of humor and all of the little things he did for me. Now those things are gone.

I know I messed up and pulled away from him and I was wrong in that. And now I know I may never have the chance to show him how I want to change that.

I just wish sometimes I could hate him, then I would not be feeling like this. But then I realize I don't want to hate him, I just want a chance to fix this. And I fear this may never happen....

Hurting -

Still you have to press on alone. My husband and family was my whole life. We did everything together. I had really no friends. It was a horrible shock at first when it was all gone, but I rebuilt my life, and it is good.

Make your life a good one. I am quite sure he will join you.

Well I turned the application and talked to the boss guy.

So now lets wait and see what happens there. he told me as soon as they start hiring he will call...

I still put some other apps in diffrent places.

My MIL went with me to turn in the app. she had to pay a bill on some cement she has gotten there. We did not see WH which was good. I'm sure he will know I had been there though enough of the other employee's saw and talked to me.

My MIL told me this afternoon. You know you just need to move on and forget about him. I told her I can't believe you are saying this to me, you are WH mother. She said I know this but what he has done to you is not right and you don't deserve this. I want you to be happy. I still have a hard time believeing that his own mother has been a rock for me. She is so disguted with him she does not wantto even see him... His whole family does not trust him and is pretty much done. I feel like I am the only one who still has any hope he will be himself someday... Pretty sad isn't it?

Anyhow wish me luck and hope they call me for a job....

I'm so glad you have your MIL. Give her a hug, but don't listen to her. My in-laws were no help at all. They are out of my life now, and we used to bet great friends. Their loss though.

Oh believer I am not going to do any such thing and she knows it... She knows I love her son very much.... she is just so frustrated and wants me to be happy....

Yup my MIL is a great lady. She just can't believe her son has turned like this. I try to explain it to her but she just does not understand it. Her big question is what does this OW have on him or is she brainwashing him? I told her in a way yes, because she tells him what he wants to hear and does for him the things he wants to make him happy for now..

The sad part is my MIL is losing her love for WH and that really hurts me. I know she loves him like a mother should but she is ready to write him off. I don't want that to happen because I am afraid if/when he does try and come back she will not be very accepting of him and it will be a long hard road for them. She has only seen him 4 times since he left here in July. So this has been very hard on her. He won't call her or anything. Of course she has told him OW is not welcome and never will be. And she told him what kind of woman OW is. So he of course is not happy about all of that.

But we will all be ok and MIL knows I am here for her as she is for me.

Just let your MIL know that WH is temporarily insane, and is just like a drug addict. Tell her they all act the same way and do the same things, and that is why it is so easy for you to have a plan. There are thousands of people that have gone through this before you.

I have told her that believer, in fact I have had her read alot of these posts and stuff I have printed out. After she reads them she says Oh My that is WH is saying or doing...
So I think she sees it but is just hard for her to understand.

She still insists that I need to confront the OW. I have tried explaining to her it would not do any good. But she goes by what WH said to her about it. She has it in her head he wants me to do this and fight for him like that .... I told her maybe he does want me to do it but for notthe reason you think, he wants me to do it so he can use it against me and still justify what he is doing...

Maybe on day she will understand ...

another evening home alone.....

Just came from my MIL and she is just so down about how WH is treating her and myself....

she has decided to have a talk with him before he leaves on monday. I told her do not talk about me or our relationship. She said she isn't going to. She wants to talk to him about how he is treating her and she also wants to tell him about OW. Seems she found out some stuff from some other people. I told her she would be wasteing her breath he won't believe her. But she is one determined lady..

Let her do and say what she wants, but it won't get through to him. And don't you confront that piece of trash - she is beneath you. I confronted the OW and it was a huge waste of time. She had a nasty, snotty attitude. I did manage to tell her to get off her back and start taking care of her daughter though. That felt good.

I'm not going to confront her believer.... Oh believe me I would love to but I know it would be a waste of time and I really don't want to deal with a pissed of WH. Even though he acts like he won't make him mad I am sure it would....

MIL can do as she wants but I really think she will be wasting her time....

And if you confronted the OW, your WH would get a whole different story from her. It is much better to ignore her.

I know thats what I told my MIL.... she says well get a small tape recorder and tape it ... Hide it in your pocket... I had to laugh .... I said like that would do amy good they would say I edited it...

I know she means well and her thinking is if I confront her and then tell all she will be done with WH.... I told her it won't work that way it will just make her more determined to keep him.

When I confronted OW, she said "Well, at least I don't drive by your house and say "Nah-nah, I've got your husband." She is a neighbor.

Lucky her she didn't ..... Well my WH and his skanky OW will be dropping DD off tonite from bowling alley... Just the thought that she will be in front of my house makes my skin crawl....

it just makes me want to be outside hiding and jump out and scare the crap out of her .... But I am a better person than that for sure.....

I just want that woman out of my life and WH's life even if he doesn't come home... She is nothing but trash and I am not saying that because she is the OW its because its the truth ... I knew her before this and this is not the first time this has happen with a man.... And my WH seems to think he will be diffrent because she LOVES him .... Yeah right she loved the others to from what I hear....

Maybe you could put a NO SKANKS sign out in front of your house.

I know what you mean though. My WH's OW has a history of cheating. But of course, he thinks it will be different this time, as they are "soulmates".

Well WH has never said they are soulmates.... That was her words in the letters she wrote him.... All I have ever gotten from him is he loves her ..... and how much alike we are....

Surely he has got to figure out sometime this is all fantasy and they are not in love... I just can't believe anyone could be so stupid and fogged they can believe this in their own minds...

Once those chemicals in the brain kick in, they believe anything. My WH is 20 years older than OW, and she is a habitual cheat, but he thinks he has found true love.

He forgets about the person who has been his help-mate, the one who took care of his children, and who has always stood beside him. He is willing to throw it all away for a sl^t.

yeah I have sure found that out... I still seem to be in denial myself. I still can't believe this has happened.

I guess what really gets me is all the contact we had since the beginning of all of this. And since the last time he moved out on Aug 18 we have hardly had any contact. Of course the 2 times in on my planb wagon fall. But before planb he did not even try. It really scares me that he has not even tried anymore...

I just feel like he is detaching himself totally and will never come back...

Oh, he'll be back. Don't worry about that. My WH tried to come back several times. One time he told me he would need a lot of support to get over the OW. I had gone through so much cr*p by then that I told him to get over her on his own. I was just too darned worn out.

I am praying that will happen .... I keep thinking if I can get a job and move on and show him I can do it , it will make a difference to him ....

I was thinking today, I remember last year he tried to get me to come work were he was. I now realzie how stressful it was for him to be supporting 8 people by himself. We had DS and dIL and 2 grandkids at that time as well.

I do know that by reading all of this and reading SAA that he will need support for getting over the OW. I am willing to do it.. I am willing to do the hard work of recovery if he ever gets there.....